Wednesday, November 25, 2009

LIfe FoR ReNt

I came across this Song by Dido..thinking How i could Relate my life with it.

I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
HOME for me is the Place I AM now
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I'll try this time...since i like my HOME
I apologize that once again
I'm not in love
NO Comment
But it's not as if
You Figure it out!
I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking
Or is it the other Way around?
It's just a thought, only a thought
But if my life is for rent and
all life are
I don't learn to buy
CAnt BuY anyway
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
no HARM tryinG
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Yes...duh! Life for Rent
I've always thought that
I would love to live by the sea
I DO...still DO..will always DO
To travel the world alone and live my life more simply
SoLo BackPackinG is Great But Having Companion is Even GREATER
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Dream doesnt cost a go on live your DREam
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
Yes..just FoLLow Your Instinct
It's just a thought, only a thought
Hey, it could be a good START
But if my life is for rent and
I don't learn to buy
Why Bother..if you can get it for FREE
Well I deserve nothing more than
I get Cos nothing I have is truly mine
While my heart is a shield and
protect Urself too Much..might be not good
I won't let it down survive a broken heart
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
I'LL try again and again...not to give UP
Well how can I say
I'm alive
Yess..after all those Stormy Days...glad to be alive
If my life is for rent...

Monday, November 23, 2009

Just another Manic Monday.. GenDer EqualiTY


it's monday..yup a day after Sunday. my head hurts..not really. why do i need work? instead of making money..why do i work? part from getting the cash to spend..perhaps just to satisfy my "not-so-empty brain". or maybe i dont know what to do instead of working..just go with the flow...just follow the crowd..the truth is i would rather stay at home baking cupcakes to a bunch of hungry lil monkeys. would it be "trendy" enough to do in this millennium? will i be laughed or teased? the long as i have money supplier..that'll be fine.

Me, too young to be suffereing from the hots flushes of menopause.. still unattached..but already tired with all the craps in life. would it be cool enough to stay at home? running errands for a house full of dinosaurs? feedin them..changing the toilet bowl? perhaps people might mistaken me as the well-fed maid workin for the Barney's family. truth is..ladies are trying to run along in a male marathon and tryin to prove that they're equal.. yes..shouting the Gender Equality SLogan..

Apparently, in RealiTy we can never be equal...well, it doesn’t mean that we are weak but even better. We, ladies should be treated as princess due to our “weak” nature. Men are supposed to protect us, guide us, and lead us. Sadly, when ladies are so much engrossed in “gender equality”, Men are taking advantages. Yes, they could just probably say that, “Hey, you want equality? Come and get it”. Here we are, ladies…cheering words of triumph...hip hip hooray! Men are letting go their responsibility. Ladies become the breadwinner of the family while men rather become stay-home-dad...or shall I say “stay-home-dead” There goes the story of a so much demanded gender equality. Ladies in men's world while men couldn’t careless if they are in the World or Outer Space... as long as they could still contribute to breed human nation. Life revolves around watching soccer, eating chips with high sugar content drinks..enough to make them as active as a weasel. Active messing the house and "you-know-what-i meant"…

Is this what we need? So much of gender the end of the day...all worn out after long working hours. We, ladies come back to a hell rather than home. I guess it will be a never ending disagreement...

So men, giving ladies freedom doesn’t mean giving them "doomed-for-free" but should be
"free-from-doomed". enough of philosophy on a rather so-so day...
I believe men should be the men of the house and ladies…just accept that we can never be equal to men. Take it as we are their backbones..positioned at the back of the body but important. we compliment them..making them better. Hey, two heads are better than one...or it could be negatively interpreted..Two Heads are messier than one. There are things that we better let them do. Being their left hand doesn’t mean weakness but making a family constitution stronger. It’s not a yes-no relationship but a rather more diplomatic one. Go on, who cares if you breed like a bunny rabbit, cook a gigantic pot of soup for dinner, nearly drowned in piles of dirty the end you are the one who are mature enough to differentiate if it is an act of care or an act of abuse..

Whatever status ladies are, there is no right for men to abuse us. We might be nerve wrecking at times’s just that we need lil extra attention or perhaps some kind of appreciation. oh perhaps..just blame our chaotic estrogen.

Those who know me might be thinking that what rubbish I’m writing since I am a career lady which never been in a “wife” or “mother” position. Yess..they probably saying..look who's talking!!! a marriage counselor who never been married..a relationship therapist who never succeed in relationship...hey a surgeon never conducted a surgery on his/her own body but still a proclaimed surgeon..duh!

oh well, I might be wrong in certain things...but being raised in a conservative family...having conservative parents...nurtured by conservative mother...disciplined by a conservative father...make me ME..A “please” person. I hope that I will never lose that “please” in me...wish to instill that in my children. I adorable it would be seeing 3 year old child sayin “Mama, could you please make me some milk”? Believe’s wonderful. I watched my 3 yr old niece saying it and hope to see more in the future. Perhaps…later I could claim that it runs in the genes. CouLd it Be?

some of my married siblings chose to tone down the "conservative" style we used to be brought up in raising their's up to them. i cant say that i'm 100% an avid believer of conservative way of life..but i do believe in discipline and saying "Yes Sir" in certain situation. the point is...a good leader is needed..shall i spell M.A.N with quality of course :)

i guess that's, rambling about my next time..dont let me rant..i might end a simple matter with far more complicated'll be sorry

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

It's NOT JUST a PuddLe of RainDrops...

it was raining when BB left. i dint cry but the non-stop raindrops till late evening enough to measure my tears. pouring my heart out silently. being apart from a person i'm attached is hard. we played, ate, laughed, learnt.....and the list goes on and on. it's like he's my shadow..or perhaps i'm the shadow. i refused to think much abou it. he's gone for a good deed. i should be happy for him. I doubt about that.

i dragged my feet to the parking lot. yes...we did something to make the muddy laterite parking place better. putting the small stones to make the puddle less deep, trying our best for the users convinience especially me :) I tiptoed on the muddy surface..trying to be very careful...not wanting the yellowish muddy water to ruin my CLarK looked absolutely dirty . I nearly slipped down, thinking not to sacrife my favourite shoes..then ,I remembered him saying, "You know what..." i just shrunked my shoulder..He continued, "you can take whuduk with this water". "owww..." it never occured to me to do so...he is right. i guess..the water is clean enough..Anyway, it's just a puddle of rainwater mixed with muddy soil.

i walked pass the parking space holding tight to my pink umbrella. i dint want to go home yet. dint want to feel the lost. dint want to be alone. dint want to think a lot about it. the worst part is dint know where to go and what to do...crapss!

i moved to the nearest mall..all those good memories with BB flashed into my mind. i strolled, passed the shops, viewed the colourful items being displayed...not knowing where to go. Nothing really attracted my attention. i gave blank looks at the people passing by..gave them false glimpse tried to show to them that i'm sane enough. the same corridor..the same shops..even the sales assistants looked the same to me. it was pointless for me wasting my time wandering around there. I decided to make a turn, grabbed some fastfood on the way out and walked away.

Ultimately...i left the traces of memories. stepped on the muddy surface and couldnt care less about dirtying my shoes...telling myself,"it's okay, i just wipe it with wet cloth later on" still thinking..gosh how much i've spent time with BB all this long. being apart is hard...but that's the thing that i should live least for now....
People used to say
"There are Things that better to be left alone"...
am i one of those "Things"?

again "LIFE GOES ON...."