Waayyy Too FickLe FriDay

It’s Friday...we have longer lunch hour. I dint know where to go and what to do. I went to the next block and did some window shopping and grabbed a fridge cover that I’ve been looking for.

Tomorrow is Saturday. Couldn’t think of anything interesting to do except some serious cleaning and scrubbing around the house. Just the same routine which I haven’t really follow lately. Of course I wanted to go out and do some sight seeing but with this kind of weather I prefer to stay indoor than burning myself under the Waayy too hot sun. My idea of relaxing is to sleep the whole day and only wake up for meals. Aahh...impossible, unless I’m dead I have tons to do and I hate doing the chores on weekdays. next week i will be doing the "hokey pekey" dance again. yes, im not going to office! going for pilot study around the district only..so i'll be back around to nag my HoneyStar :P

Life is okay...there’s sunshine but sometimes the clouds just appear out from nowhere...and gosh I hate that days. Work is so-so. The office politics really make me Waaayy too sick...then on tuesday I was really sick . Had light fever and bitten by anonymous flu bug which I end up drugged almost every night. so it's a "blue" week for me. I managed to decline n asignment out of the town this time after giving much thoughts about it. hey i got my work schedule. i did go for my asignment to Sarawak last time. so now, it's someone else's turn. she agreed to take it since last 2 weeks..suddenly she changes her mind just because her best friend was not going. how selfish could it be! yes..the best friend IS my Boss and even worse I AM new. who cares? i just going to put a straight face and say NO. couldnt be bother with the flight ticket provided..send me a private jet and i go :)Yes, I was...i mean I am pretty much pissed off with my seniors. Better keep my tongue tied and just do my work. Now since I’m illigible to apply for a post in the colleges, I’ll do that a.s.a.p. nice to be able to hop to a new environment. Of course the adapting process will be challenging. My current job is amazing, others are fighting to get this position but I guess it’s not my cup of tea at all...well..just a bit. i couldnt lie about my interest. but with these waaayyy too fickel minded people who dont practise what they preech, i started to think of other options.

Doing research is good but teaching is Waayy too great. However I couldn’t imagine myself going back to schools. Not until the whole system be “washed”. What could be worse than going to “useless” courses on weekends...okay, enough of my blabbering. From now I just take life as it is. Just imagine me giving a “sidekick” to thosewho are making my life miserable.

Next story, my weight gain is wayyyyyy unhealthy. I gained 10 kg in 6 months. I wonder where the mistake is. Okay let me list down…I was eating anything I ever want, too much of sweet stuff, lack of exercise, long hours of hibernation, double meals. Wait, I have better explanation, I could not resist from my own cook. I was cooking way to GOOD...hahaha (giving my head a knock…yeah right!) the constant travel and staying in hotels making me stuffing myself with…whatever.

homecooked meal is wonderful but eating excessive bread is plumping me. i love bread so much, more than rice or pasta. the best part is, i am destined to marry a bread-eater. too much carbs. i'm like a bun with extra dose of yeast.

So last 2 weeks...i decided, enough is enough. I have reached the heaviest moment in my life and my cholesterol level is not looking good. Still below the "dangerous" line but I rather take early precaution. So here am i...eating lightly. I avoid the oily food and sweet snacks. The calorie count is actually helping. I’m trying to consume 1200 calorie per day and 30 minutes of exercise. I better make full use of my bigest investment so far by buying the cross trainer. I’m happy with the result. Slow but there’s always progress. better make it permenent.

I tried the cabbage soup but couldn’t hold on to it. Wayyyy too little food and made me tired and I have flu since Monday. i'm sick of the cabbage soup and guess what, my favourite day is the "banana" day...other days I felt like my brain stops thinking will eat healthily and keep on watching my calorie. NO MEAL after 5. Fruits are okay. Hey, I’m not going to starve myself...i wont, never will. I just want to be healthy.

Next, I’m counting my days to take a month break! Yes, no kidding! i am Waayyy too excited. I’ll be traveling across the continent and it’s good to know that I don’t have to be annoyed with those people-who-can-never-shut up.News travels really fast. I just submitted a permission letter to travel oversea and by the next day...everybody was talking about it. Some even thought that I already gone (I was on sick leave for a day). since when they care! I say...perhaps 15 hours flight wont be bad after all.

Another 40 minutes before lunch time ends. So better stop now and browse through some recipes to cook. Yes, I’m SUCK in cooking and HoneyStar has to eat it anyway. Poor Love :P

Thanks FoR The MeMoRy

today is my last day in the sector..my last sweet day and may next days ahead be sweeter. hahaha..as if im moving far away..just one level up and few plight of steps.

HoNeY StaR bought a cake written THANK YOU for me to bring to office and some cash to pay the breakfast i ordered earlier. he said i should thank my previous colleagues especially my boss for giving this opportunity to show my talent in research and evaluation :) i need to settle that pending wedding party in the office anyway. better get it down before i actually move myself...try not to get involved with them much.

Why im being transferred? they said it is a reshuffle but my evil mind said..there's a foul play going on. the best they can do is putting me in a new "promising" sector. well, that's what everyone said. me? it's the same. they pay me and i work..i work even they dint pay me :) -some tough experience i finally overcame.

when my superior handed me the letter..i almost popped my eyes. whose decision is this?
? it's the director..bla bla bla. guess..my transfer started the day after. so..i took my time to calm down. dint pack anything. i just spread the news to my close coll. i was okay about it till i told my "friend". she dint seem to be surprised like most of us..so confirmed some of them know the "game" even before i knew it. what the...

i went back and told my Honey StaR about it. i tried not to have such suspicious feeling. then...the DaY..it was announced in the assembly..so people keep on asking me..how do i get to choose the "hot" sector. i dint. it just happened :) "another surprise wedding gift" i joked around. just to hide the bad thoughts i had.

half of the day was filled with laughter and lots of food for the division eid celebration. i reported to my new boss which doesnt seemed to have a clue where and when the "reshuffle" was coming. a typical welcoming speech "We're happy to have you around". mm..they are not stranger, i involved with their research from now and then..most of them know me well.

after the long Friday lunch break..the truth started to reveal. pretty much what i thought before. yes..i am transferred to give way for someone to stay. i laughed.."if you couldnt change it..laugh at it". knowing my inability to talk things through with my big boss..i'm accepting it. hey everyone wanted to be in that "cool" sector..i was one of them but never had the guts to do so. when it was time for me to go..i just pack some of my junks and threw away most of others. now, 99% are at the new office. my new bos is not around so i'm taking a time out and chose to stay at my old office..kindda fun to see some people are reckless seeing me around.

shall i say "Sweet Revenge?"..not so for some bubble head. i gave her rm2k project last time perhaps that's not enough and she kicked me...so i'm the typical super-nice-but-betrayed character. so how does it feel being back stabbed...Ouch..hurt

being in the new sector hope to speed up my phd plan..after postponing it for almost 2 years. i choose to quit and start afresh soon. writing research will be my core business so there's a high chance for me to master those research methodology in a year or so. bye bye working days. go back to the grad school. stay for 3 years and move to Sahara Desert..no kidding! Africa! Here I Come!

i couldnt deny that i did learn something in the previous unit..i just didnt fit in..Allah has better plan for me. he's removing me from the gossipers and backstabbers..avoiding me from being one of them. before i move my last piece of junks upstairs...to all those in the XXX Sector.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY..I AM WELL-FED

am looking forward to reduce my weight gained in the sector:)

i shouldnt burden my thoughts with this matter..after all these awfull days, i'm looking foward to see my HoNeY StaR. yes..just love to see his smile after tiring days..

I Have Moved To Sahara Desert

me and My Honey Star having a rest while our camel was securely parked in front of our home :)

my brain is goin empty..first i couldnt decide what to write for the title of my entry..i am moving..i move..finally i have moved. wow..my grammar knowledge is getting bad. so much of information and writing report done in Bahasa. i think my Bahasa improved less than 1% yet my English is getting worst. just a year in this office..am totally clueless..hey how am i supposed to start my phd..i mean, couldnt do a Bahasa based research and English is just right 'subject" and making me having more "opportunity" to join the Saharan's clan.

wait...i need to learn Arabic, French...am so totally excited to be multilingual. can you imagine..me being able to read more books and the best thing is i could understand Al-Quran...how cool can it be? much more cool than climbing mount Everest.

gotta go..glad to know that i do have this touch of "nonsensically" writing skill..even after being hitched by a Green Alien :P

HeLp..We are Dying!!!

honestly..that's what haunted me these few days..my plants in the office are dying. it has not rained since last weekend. it was a very hot days for the past 7 days..yes, very the very hot days..i was away for a week for the PISA coding and left the key to the balcony to my fellow colleague. i left a tumbler full of water and to my surprise the tumbler was still full when i got back in the office on Monday.

there was my asthmatic colleague..telling me that he lost the key..what? okay, i was trying not to get panic. it should be somewhere..so i told him to keep on searching. he might accidentally take it home..after 3 days of constant nag at him..i finally gave up. i asked my office assistant, Mariam to look for spare key. she quietly whispered to me..the key is not missing Madam Rose has it. what? Mr Malek forgot to lock the door so Madam Rose locked it and took the key as well. i dint want to go and ask her straight away..okay, she wanted to play a game. so, i let her. after 5 days and there was no sign that she's giving the key back to me.

everyday i look at my plants with tears.. yes, no kidding i was crying..well, they are my babies. i plant them from seeds and was happy to see the flowers started to bloom. in fact, that what keeps me happy on such down days in the workplace. why couldnt people be more human? i just need to water the plant.

the office was freezing cold during last 5 days. i wonder why the maintenance failed to fix it. my flu is gone after me being absent from the office for 5 days. i doubt that it would go away so quick if still stuck in the office...yeah, had it for 2 weeks and boxes of tissues wasted. can you imagine it was like -10 in the office but 40 outside (okay..i might exaggerating it) but hey some of my colleagues had to put their gloves on..wearing sweater and wrapped shawl on their bodies. the latest one is..many of them have this electric hot water pillow..it's funny. hey nobody wants to be frozen. my fingers were numb and i believe me. it was freaking cold! mr malek had a blanket with him keeping him warm and protected. he had a serious asthma attack last month and was admitted to ER...poor guy. i dont think it will be fun to see him having attack in the office especially when im around. it's going to be very scary..and sad to see someone gasping. i was by the bedside of two close people in my life while they were dying..no kidding, i dont want to see that anymore..

back to my plants..that's it! madam Rose was extremely busy today so i had no chance to bug her and demand the key back. it was almost 430pm..the sun still shinning bright. my plants..owh..owh..my plants. okay, a girl has to do what a girl has to do. i remembered the possibility of getting to the balcony from other way..the meeting room? they were having meeting at that time. so i dint want to wait to wait till they finished..which probably 530pm or 6pm. then...i had an idea..the documents room.. tadaa..yes the room which stores the old yellowish documents.

hahaha.. im in charged now.yes, i am the storekeeper.so i have the keys. there is a window in the room and im quite positive that it only locked from the inside. there there was me..with a tumbler full of 2L water. hooray..i could open it.. so i took the chair and climbed out from the window..1 2 3..jump...my babies are drying, the soil cracked due to heat.. i generously poured the water on them..saying "now..now..dont be scared darling, mommy going to take care of you no matter how".

climbing back to the room was not easy when you are wearing a skirt..luckily the window is wide enough to fit the chair. i pulled the chair outside and climbed back for extra water and did the same again. hope the plants will be okay and it rain during these couple of days. perhaps i should do the nafl prayer and ask Allah to make it rain. to madam Rose, please dont let us frozen..and pity my plants. plants are important to us..they give us oxygen..need not to say more since she was a former science teacher and must be fully aware with the fact that we do need PLANTS to breathe.

I GOT TO SAVE THE PLANET

mission accomplished :)
yes, Bulan with her crazy thoughts yet good intention

was my fave cartoon last time..i wonder do they still air it?
i am a captain planet wannabe..the problem is- there are no Planeteers around :(

Are We OPPRESSED?

Wake UP SLeePy HeaD!!!

i hate it when feeling sleepy and all those dodgy..huhuh..today is friday and im totally excited thinking..yeah tomorrow i gotta..mmm..what i'll be doing?
ok..let me list down, just to kill this sleepiness.

1. i NEED to dust the fan..freaking DusTy-DONE
2. mop the floor-DONE
3. dust the shelves-DONE
4. clean the fridge..trash away all those expired stuff :P-DONE..well, Harumi did it
   
5. let the rabbits out-DONE, but at the laundrette only
   
6. wash my clothes-DONE
7. iron working clothes for next week
8. call Taheerah and have a SPA-ing date?-she's out of the town for the weekend
   
9. fold the dried clothes-DONE
10. organise my bookshelf-A BIT
    
11. cook lemon chicken..hahahahah just came into my mind-DONT FEEL LIKE EATING IT
    
12. go to Nadia's in Cheras and pick up the cookies
13. change my bedsheet-DONE
14. wash the curtain-DONE
15. light the aromatherapy candle
16. on the salt mineral lamp
17. plant new plants
18. take the rabbits for walk
19. wash the rabbits' feet
20. clean the rabbits
21. read my book
22. do some revision..tajweed alert!!!
23. call up Leena for drinks?
    

You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant ?

i was about to open my novel when my senior approached. i know her in graduate school, in fact i was her senior back then. yes, she is loud but i never bother about that. i was busy writing my thesis while she's just starting her first year. i barely met her except on those days where i needed to wait for my supervisor to reschedule our meeting and i occasionally ended up hanging around in the graduate's lab. just to kill the time or checking my email.

Sister Salma is a friendly lady, a person that i think is okay to mix around. in fact, i always think she is till now. accidently , she was the first i met after reported to my new division and i was very please to see familiar face at the same place. she's in different unit but recently we met quite often. we are in the same research team for time being and another reason is..i started to park my car at the basement. somehow i dont really like the morning crowd in the lift..people are not just saying hi but checking on each other..clothes, make up..handbags and me? i never looked the best in the morning, especially on my way to the office.

sister Salma joined me for breakfast today and out of respect i dint take my novel out. then, she started to ask me "did Zainab told you what i asked her to tell?" i said"i dont think so"
Sister Zainab is really close to me and she's really stylish and i adore her. i always seek advise from her..not about dressing up but about job and personal problems. i wonder, what stopped her from telling me sister Salma's message. She's a sister to me and i believe she'll say whatever she needed to say to be without feeling hesitate.

"So..tell me!".. She was slightly reluctant and finally said "i told her to tell you to dress up the way you did before" .."mmm..how?" "you are not wearing make up anymore.no lipsticks, come on " i just smiled.."owwh.." she continued, "last time i saw you were so plain..nothing on your face" i replied "well, im not wearing anything now..just natural colour lip moisturizer".."owwwh.." i think she realised that i dont want to discuss about it anymore. so we changed topic..

last couple of months..one of my colleagues asked me.."is that your new hijab style?" i said "maybe..insyallah" honestly i hate myself when i couldnt defend my act, as if my act is against wrong. why cant i say..yes, this is my choice? there's nothing to be ashamed of.

nobody asked me to change..i just feel not right when my hijab doesnt cover my chest. it's like my chest is bare. i started to wear less and less make up. the kohl was applied just to hide my swollen eyes. yes...i had some sadness at that moment and tried to conceal it from others. i dont think it's appropriate for me to come to work looking scrumpy. Alhamdulillah things got better. thanks to my friend who constantly reminding me about the qadr and..the deeper meaning of surah al-insyirah. my fave lines are

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

Surely there is ease after hardship

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
Aye, surely there is ease after hardship.

So i cried less and less. now time to let go my make up. i was worried in case i need the kohl to seal my "grief" again..then i told myself..Allah will keep on helping me in various way. i shouldnt worry much about the future...

i still care much about my skin. i wash my face daily, making sure there's no pimples..putting scar gel on the pimples scar, put lip moisturiser, moisture my face, eye gel for eye bags...and have regular facial done either at home or spa. Alhamdulillah im blessed with good skin and always keep it hydrated by drinking lots of water..only that sometimes i like to squeeze my pimples with my fingers and the result is..ugly scar..:(

once i asked my close friend " do i look different without make up?" she replied " never noticed that" so it's good to know that Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. im not just skin deep..i wanted to be acknowledged not the way i dress..what colour of lipsticks ..let be because for my intelligence and pleasant being. i'm more than a muse.

now i understand why to cover is to honour ourselves..you'll be respected for your brain. i believe when people are listening to you..they really do listen to the words you are saying not because of your "artificial beauty". in the end of the day, it will be your opinion and say that count.

i'm grateful to what Allah is turning me into. i never guessed that i could just be the person i am now. my mom and sisters will be happy...seeing me tossing my tight clothes and fancy eyeshadow. people might say that im limiting my chance of attracting guys and might end up being a spinster. all that i gotta say..my life is not the society to decide. Allah knows the best for me.

it's good to know that most of those who really know me dont really care if i wear make up or not..i am bulan. that's explain everything. my non-muslim housemate is very curious but she tried to understand why i cleaned my closet and put some clothes in the box for donation. harumi is more than happy to receive some of my clothes.

poor Reena, she was all excited to revamp my wardrobe but i told her i'm okay with it as long as she follows my rules..so can you imagine her face when i refused to buy the funky outfit from the China doll's store? give me a break..those clothes are wayyy to tight..i couldnt even put my finger in :P i'll think i'll suffocate in that small dress.

Taheerah is always okay with what i wear or decide not to wear.it's cool to have a friend like her. last weekend i took her out for dinner at the nearby stall..so i was wearing my denim-like jilbab and long black shayla..since it's easy to slip into..and she was wearing baby tee and shorts..people were staring at us..yes, we looked very "different" but hey.it doesnt matter..Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

now..it's understandable why sister Zainab dint tell me about sister Salma's message. maybe she forgot all about it or it's simply unimportant. i am who i am and people like the way i am..with or without make up.

to those lovely people..thank you for not judging me based on my appearance. im not perfect and never will be one. i never dreamt of being the person i am now. Allah leads people in mysterious ways. Gladly He dint lead me through a very long and difficult route and i pray that He will make me better in every possible way..and keep on leading me to the right path.

to sister Salma, thanks for your attention and my dua' goes to you.

i end my post wit a cute HiJaBi BabY pic

IT'S P-A=R-T-Y TIME ;0

EVERYBODY...tomorrow is going to be potluck day!
what?
since when we need to have potluck based on ur order?
one thing that im worried about being stuck in the office is...eating..yes..here we are eating all time
party..party...
the boss is gone till end of the week
so..some ladies couldnt stop themselves from getting fatter..and choose to influence others.
that's it! my detox days will be ruined.
what am i going to bring tomorrow?
my mouth and a big empty tummy...
oh..when am i goin to loose the weight?

if you cant be thin...make others fat
o..o..o does it ring a bell?

Gossip Girls' Guide To - GET A LIFE !

"You know...Girls Talk" "No...i dont!" that's a pretty honest answer from me when Jamilah tried to explain her act.

mm...let's see my definition of Girls talk is girls 2 or more getting together and talk about their life..i repeat THEIR life not others..well ,what i normally do when i hang out with my girlfriends?..not many just Tahirah and Noor..sometimes i catch up with my "once-in-a-blue-moon" buddy Leena, the coolest outdoor trainer

what do we talk about? depends on the person or situation.

me and Tahirah will be all those youth stuff..late teenage years. she would constantly talk about her life, dealing with job interviews, relationships and family staying far away..only now she shows some interest in make ups and handbags. yes..i still think that her green sling bag is super cool. i might purchase similar colour but could be different brand..shall i say..cheaper. yes i never thought that i should spend that much for the sake of fashion.

Noor? Noor is married to a foreigner and now living in his home country. lately, she's been calling me frequently. the topic revolves around her 1st time pregnancy and simple conversation like "how to make cupcakes" to more complicated ones like "being firm on not to accept certain foreign culture". i do admire Noor for her courage, she's been married for more than 4 years and living in the same town with her in-laws. not once she mentioned bad things about them only recently when she couldnt tolerate more. of course being my long time friend, she does give me advice on certain things...all that we know we're there for each other despite being milessssssssss away. interestingly, both of us earned our degree in western countries but we dont talk about anything too western..err like- intimate relationships. it's waaayy too private! still a taboo for us..yes..we are not so westernised after all. we crack on lousy jokes most of the time..talking about our younger daysss...laughing on silly stories..

maybe that's why i was freaking out when my local friends started to talk about physical intimacy. i was like.."crapss..what should i say?" do Malaysian girls talk about this? i was not comfortable at all about it at all. one night my newly wed friend stayed at my place since her husband was away. so she started to tell me her new life as a wife. i was okay with all those "housewife's duty" only then she started to get more details...i dint ask leading questions..believe me..then i just cut her short by restlessly asking about her pregnancy..wooshhhh..that was such a relief.

another situation was when an unwed friend was about to describe similar intimacy..i just cut her short saying.."i believe you know what you are doing and the consequences from it. one day, if you need me..just let me know". another easy getaway :)

when Jamilah was trying to defend her act of gossiping on me..i totally disagree..No..girls talk doesnt have to be Gossip. she started to say that we girls do that frequently..aa..aa..not me. why do they gossip? maybe my friend is right..they have nothing much to do..they are not granted with creative brain like me..even worse if they tried to persuade people into believing whatever they said. this kindda of people should start they "own business" and begin not to mind others...please i dont buy unnecessary products..stop selling junks!

yes..can you imagine, a husband staying abroad, a maid to do chores and taking care of a pleasantly behaved 1 year old child..plus part time job few hours a week and the rest of the week.. be 24/7 free for gossips. how easy life is for certain people or could it be that she's sexually repressed? (mmm..kindda rude rhetorical question) hey..my blog..my mind..my say . does this consider as Gossip? eeer..hopefuly no.. i just getting all this rant out of my mind without having this what they refered as "Girls networking".

as a child who grew up in a house which never been less than 10 people living at the same time. as the only big girl among those small boys and too little girls..i had no time for having what they refered as "girls talk". 8 X 3 school uniforms plus 5 working clothes for my father..1 kg of onion to chop...dishes to wash..a large space to sweep..mountains of laundry (no washing machine) 3 or more cats to feed. the only thing i didnt do was cooking since my father was a fussy eater who would turn up for lunch daily for my mom's marvelous touch. of course we had no maid!

i was not complaining but thanking..since i spent more time indoors.. sometimes i did sneak out and went to friends' house just to be seen as cool enough to be able to join them. but i was not really accepted since i was labeled as a cry baby..everyone had to watch their words whenever they were talking to me since i was considered as super-extra-polite (mmmmm..maybe super- extra-sensitive). i did have 3 close friends and their moms love me :) till now..and dint mind if they spent time at my place. yes my parents had this habit..i was not allow to spend much time at friends' but friends were always welcome at our house..they could even spend overnight if their parents allowed. they chose not to since we dint have much entertainment except books...

i wonder why people gossip a lot..nowadays most of us have easy access to Internet..cant they just do their own research on topics they like..

for me: North Korea, Bali bombing, the Pasthuns (i believe that i have a small percentage of Pasthun's blood), fat animals etc..dont they are curious to know why people cant simply enter North Korea? How funny a fat monkey looked like? or just watch film online. all those boring south korean drama be fine too... or started blogging anonymously and say whatever they need to say..make it private post if possible :)

since i was small i loved digging my elder brothers' and sister' old textbooks..where i know that there are places in the world which have 4 seasons..where NZ has more sheep than human..Manchu Pichu are not names of two cartoon characters ( hahahaha ;P) and my father's encyclopedia of course..i love looking at the types of funny looking cats..persian, siamese..oriental..egyptian (not sure..but they do look like the cats in ancient egyptian drawings) ..dogs, bulldogs, german sherpard..poodles. flags of countries..most of the islamic countries have moon symbol..or green in colour...i know that Algeria is not Nigeria..Riyal is the currency of Saudi not Kelantan's

(yes..old people in the state still refering RM as Riyal)

now..i know why i never fitted into the "Girls Talk" concept..i had all different concept after all. no wonder some friends gave suspicious looks whenever they are having "girls talk'. im grateful for being raised like the way i had. my father is a good example of "it's-okay-to-be- "unfriendly' person..being unfriendly here doesnt mean that you have to be mean to others..you can be unfriendly by nature but having nice a heart too.

i remembered my "unfriendly" father who used to feed beggars when they appeared at our doorstep..once a Rohingya refugee came by. carrying her maybe 6 months old boy. she was selling something..i couldnt recall. we dint need it..instead of buying what she's selling, my father told my mother to prepare lunch for them. it was already 4 pm but they hadnt had lunch yet. they stayed for few hours, my father offered to take the baby but she was reluctant. perhaps that's what we referred as "motherly love". they left our house..not selling any product but not so empty stomach at all..and i saw my father gave them some pocket money. i wonder where are theynow..the boy almost become my adopted brother...

you dont have to be friendly to help people in need. dont need to have the 2 miles wide smiles that a politician could possible have during pre-election campaign...sending a message "Vote for me..i will help u". all you need to have is a good heart..some food to share or even just a cup of warm tea on a cold day.

to those who know me quite well..at least well enough to say, "she's just like that" . it's acceptable for them..to see me, minding my own business. however, there were times when some aggressive friends would reply "why should you bother her..she's not doing anything wrong. is she bothering you? is she bitting you? No..right! so..leave her alone!".

yes..it's not wrong to be slightly different and it's totally right to stay away from gossips..although finally you could be the object of gossip..hahahah how silly some people could be.

there were times when i almost explode after knowing that people are gossiping about me..thinking..if only i tell a big secret of "hers" to others...she'll be doomed and her life, marriage, career will wreck..but i guess..it's none of my business anyway and i'll get no benefit aout of it. my brain is full of more interesting things. shall i say more crafty? Colourful papers always attract me ;) more than rumours..

Finally, instead of spreading gossip on her as a revenge to satisfy my wicked heart, i decided to give her a trophy.. yes a project worth RM2000 and the best part is..she constantly asking me.."are you sure you dont want it?"...i just smiled and said.."i'm busy".

HOW SWEET A REVENGE COULD BE :)

Another Case of morally reprehensible ScumBag :(

who do you call a LOOOOOSER? in my rusted and frozen brain..i defined it as a person who is taking advantage of people. especially those who are weak..or in need of something. why do i call them a loser rather than an opportunist? an opportunist grab an opportunity without taking advantage on others while a loser works the other way around. a winner definitely looking for a more challenging task by competing with winners..only then they can claim themselves as winners and shouting the words of triumph!!!!glory glory ....(hahaha MU football anthem)how do you recognise a scumbag?not long after you started to hang out..you just know it..but the problem with us ladies is accepting the truth which we are not sure off whether its an instinct or merely irrelevant suspicion..my advise is to take it slow..sit back..think with all your conscience and most important of all..pray to the One and only..Allah the most gracious..Insyallah He'll lead us the way and make us content with what had happened and decided..to my dear friend..im here for you..life is not always easy for me too but we could make it better :)

a RePly to MonKey

wat kindda help is this?
make my beautiful life x so beautiful anymore..how cld i be described as a spongy yellow thing? gosh M...it's supposed to make me feel better than ever..wat's ur point? do u despise me that much?

u r such a selfish monkey who always thinks that u r all that! yes..u r all that crapsss....
what are you trying to imply?
that i have teeth like this yellow creature?
or i am as square as him physically? that my brain is as none as his?
yeah..you really make make day.... make it terrible

so next time hold your thoughts....

Sponge Bob Square Pants
You are the classic person that everyone loves. You are the best friend that anyone could ever have and never want to loose. You never cause harm to anyone and they would never not understand your feelings. Life is a journey it's funny and calm for the most part. Stay away from traitors and jealous people then you will be stress-free.

if this is me....

this must be U...patrick starfish?

yeah..go and knock your head!!!!

DECEMBER
* Loyal and generous-ok
* Patriotic -believe me i am more Malaysian than my look :)
* Active in games and interactions-if u consider crossword puzzle as a game..i say BRING IN ON!!!
* Impatient and hasty-sometimes only...the best is someone has to deal with it !!!!..
* Ambitious-yes i want to be a cartoon.......creator
* Influential in organizations -errrr..not yet..

* Fun to be with-so..what do u think?
* Loves to socialize....hahahaha....if im in a situation where i needed too.
* Loves praises...dont u like it too?
* Loves attention...attention loves me :)
* Loves to be loved.....duh!!!! do u like to be hated?
* Honest and trustworthy..mmmmmm
* Not pretending...i am good in pretending not pretending
* Short tempered....yes...but i could keep things for ages and reheat it later just lk microwaved food
* Changing personality....i'm not a chameleon who changes colour
* Not egoistic.....I am a very egoistic person
* Takes high pride in oneself...Yes
* Hates restrictions...Yes
* Loves to joke...depends
* Good sense of humor...Dont know
* Logic..hahahaha finally i am a proclaimed Logic!!!!

YOU NEED TO DRINK THIS AMOUNT OF WATER PER DAY 2.44....i used to drink more..and i peed like a Horse..pretty disgusting

BLOOD GROUP DIET

i dont like lamb n mutton...

what's ur intention? Rabbit? i am an animal lover..not a rabbit killer like you!

how could u eat such cute creature?!!!

again..Goat's Milk? u gotta be jokin!
cabbage juice? yuck!!!!! have you tried it?

drink this!!!!

food to loose weigh.....i could NOT see myself as a vegetarian

Tofu tofu fa counts?
Seafood the canned tuna?
Green vege ok lah
Dairy products so-so
Alkaline fruits wat?
Pineapples Hawaiian pizza ..yummy

Emotionally Drenched

best described my Friday

enough said.....

i just wanna go out and PlaY

FeediN the Society's Mind

yeah, exactly..how do you cope with the way the society you live in defined "better"? is being you is better than being him/her? OR is bein him/her better than bein you?

for me.i always defined better as ...to compare myself with my previous self during previous years with the present self. so there are better n worse things. i would love to compare myself with others but believe me, comparing myself with others never made me feel better but rather worse. you know why?
because i always view others' life as better than mine. one gud thing is i dont look at others' bad side...so thats the reason i hate to compare.

this time i'm going to talk about single hood in my society. to give "better" explanation about it according to my"rotten" dictionary.
let see, as a female adult in a society where marriage is viewed as an achievement..i always left with feelin less better. truth is i'm tired of these courting games..

"my name is....i have..siblings..i think the world should be more clean if we start recycling" hahahahah

then i will start to bore my dates with the green house effect and of course most of the topic revolves around global issues. which left guys confused...ooo they cant lie to me about that. i could easily detect their uneasiness by looking at their facial expression. well, that's what happens if i try too hard to be normal...i will end up talking abnormally about paranormal topics..then i was labeled as "she thinks she's all that". yes..i'm all that craps you can think of..in a good way of course.

wat do they expect? me talking about cooking? i like coOking but hey...it's just wat we do to live. almost all people do it. i never been good in it. so-so only. gardening? believe me...talkin to plants is my expertise..just that they dont listen to me THAT much. children? i dont have to show off how good i am with those muchkins. i do read children's mind..im more like a child myself sometimes. do they want me to make a public announcement that I'm not against polygamy? get a life....im not goin to preach about how good i am?..dont have to. dont want to.

so put iT this way...i'm not against courting but there are times in my life i feel like takin a break from those games..its like rewinding a tape.. the introduction side again and again. or to be more high tech conscious...i should perhaps takin ipod with me n just play the recorded mp3 on "myself" while i could do some other thing else like eating..drinking..or just excuse myself to the ladies till the recorded voice done.

mmm...some will fall in love with me in less than 2 seconds..thinking that i'm such a goddess...funny!...some wish that they never met she-thinks-she's-smart lady like me. their lost anyway!

i had such conversation with my prof as many times as i could recall where she kept on saying again and again about how could a person like me still single?and how she wish she has someone decent to introduce to me...hahahaha..if she gave me rm10 every time she's making this statement. i'll be rich by now..at least motivate me to set appointment with her more often. but nil.. i rather settle for good discussion about my research so that she stays quiet about my life. which rarely happened.

yes..she thinks i'm cool...a package...watever!
if i'm a package..i'm sure a heavy one and the more weight..the extra cost..lousy idea but kindda like it.

then she started to ramble about :
guys wanted a smart lady as a partner but yet need her to act stupid in front of him.
a career lady but must be able to handle all domestic matters...perfectly!
must look as beautiful as miss universe but not given any personal allowance for beautification..tough!!!!

yes..i once rejected a guy who proposed to me because i have secure job..why? i hate workin and im supposed my husband should provide me the financial stability not me for him. i always dream being a Queen in a Palace of my own :)

• "You are smart, have a good secure job"..you are stupid and have an insecure job..take a hike!
• "hey..you'll look better if you wear braces..." again ..past
• "how do you get the job in your devison?" interview.next question please?..
• "See..my research is never done in the country before" cool..so go back and apply it in your blue planet.
• "Even prophet Muhammad was younger than Siti Khadijah". Clear enough..you are not Him and i'm not Her.
• "i saw you 3 times walking around the campus. could we get married tomorrow?"..wat the.....
• "wat car are you driving now?" none of ur bisnes!
• "i heard you could easily apply for loan nowadays" NO thx..i dont want you even F.O.C !
• "whose turn to pay this time?" yours..yours...and always yours
• "I like tall girl". I hate short guy
• " you should lower your expectation" yes..and i think you should too..so find someone suits u...;0
• "do you cook everyday" i have cooks to cook for me (in various restaurants)
• "please accept my proposal, if not i'll take the pill" let me add liquid pesticide for you to drink with.
• "see..i love you so much..it just that my family has arranged me to marry my brother's friend's sister's grandma's uncle's son's daughter's cousin's niece's grandpa's father's sister-in-law's mother's neighbour's teacher's best friend's cat's little sister". i guess i could never been accepted in the "HeLLo kitty" clan after all :(
• "dont worry they are just flings..i'll definitely marry you" DUSH!!!!! a punch on the face..and DUSH!!!...another one!

okay..okay i'll stop listing the "says" said by the males.

twice my dear friend Sam said how do i feel to still stay single when others who are unglier (i dint say that..he did!) are happily married? married..i agreed but happy is too personal for me to evaluate. i was like telling him...SHUT UP!!!! what's ur point? as if you r married..he probably says..i'm different...come to think of it. yes..he's life is far more complicated than mine..better i regard him as a "lady" friend giving ladies' advice.

if i wanted to get married i must have done it last 10 years. i must have half dozen of children by now..happy? mmmm....not sure. could at least try.

so what ever it is..i just want to be happy...if im single..a happy single...married..happily married
being happy is the most important thing in life..

its not my fault for unsuccessfully fit in the stereotype in the society. I fail in feedin people's mind with all those "junks" beliefs about marriage...it's not my fault if i chose not to end up sharing my precious happy life with a jerk. Yes..some probably will say that i couldnt make it through in the love department so i need to show that i'm successful in the career department. mmm....not that i need to show but since i dont have such commitment..so what else should i do instead of WORK & HAVE FUN!!!!

call me fragile...weak..vulnerable..i always believe that it's important to make my own judgment in matter like this. people will be happy to see me getting married but will be they be there if i'm sad?
they'll laugh :0 with me but i doubt they'll cry :( with me too.

i normally dont bother those comments given by others but when some close friends said that...it's a bit of hell since i always think they always regard me as a person not just "all-i-want-to-do is-to-get married" individual. Friends and Family are my strengths..without them, i'm lost

if people think that i'll be better if im married..that's merely their personal opinion and i should respect that. however, when they go overboard..i should learn ways to cut their words short.

Are people talking about marriage as a spiritual communion of two people or purely the physical part of it?..shall i spell the S word? duh!!!

better or not ......i never fit in the "typical"society of mine...do i wish to live somewhere else...yes..but not because of wat others said but because i always feel awkward no matter where i am..so it wouldnt be much problem for me to fit in foreign country because i'm always "foreign". since i'm always foreigner so might as well i go and travel the world :) make a good use of it.

what could be worse than feelin foreign in your own country although being a foreigner in a foreign country will never be better..but you can always say "I am a foreigner"..so that will make excuses easier whenever people are staring at you ..or failed to understand you...or defined you differently

a good and long sigh should be this way
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh
life goeeeeeeeeessssssssss onnnnnnnn.....

• full stop (only when you are dead)

JuMp YouR HeaDs OFF!!!

“Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down.”

Taming PMS

for guys.. yeah you the one with furry body and insensitive brain (ooops...that's monkeys):PMS is Pre menstrual stress which ladies experienced 10-7 days before menstruation.
scientific explanation:

Chemical changes in the brain. Fluctuations of serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that is thought to play a crucial role in mood states, could trigger PMS symptoms. Insufficient amounts of serotonin may contribute to premenstrual depression, as well as to fatigue, food cravings and sleep problems.
in simple statement BLAME OUR HORMONE

to guys..do you understand? now take a hike!!! before we ate u alive with choc caramel as topping.

Probably the biggest

complaints of those dealing with PMS are MooD SwinGs. Sure, there are plenty of ancillary symptoms that are just as prevalent – usually they include acne, bloating, pain and some muscle aches, and even psychological problems – but they all appear to pale when compared to the severity and speed of the mood swings that seem to be out of control during the time just prior to the onset of the menses. Yes sometimes i'm feelin blessed if i have fluid retention in my body rather than the fluid retained in my brain..

Taming PMS mood swings is a mix of putting an end to one of the symptoms that onlookers and others in the household perceive as the main complaint, while at the same time learning how to make the most of available means of dealing with a monthly recurrence.

Here R some of the Tips To Tame ur PMS

( i dont religiously follow..hey i'm PMS-ing k..wat do you expect?)

1. # take a break from LIFE..go and hide in the cave and of course bring tons of choc with you. choc bar, choc drink, choc ice (bring ur fridge wit u)..extra cheese pizza with choc brownies topping..make sure u have enough cash/debit card/credit card to pay the delivary boy. and the cave must be near food outlets and shops to buy junk foods when u r out of supply.
   



2. #best to avoid the shopping mall AT ALL..you might end up buying hideous pink dress with green polkadot pairing with bright orange bootcut pants.




3. #stop discussing issues with MEN..you will go against watever he said..even if he said that you forgot to take off your hair roller. you might feel that he's saying, "you are ugly"




4. #a sad movie is a complete NO NO...you'll cry uncontrobly and relate every single scene in the movie with your story..even when the frog prince get married to another frog.




5. #stay away from all sharp objects, tall buildings since you'll tempted to hurt urself with it....jump from the building. even worst if you'll stab someone for just not responding to ur SMS in less than 2 seconds or push someone from 4th floor apartment because you think he's calling u Fatso.




6. #dont get angry (it's impossible anyway)..if you r angry stay away from the phone, text msg. write a snail mail instead..you might change ur mind anyway by the time u reach the post office and found out the Looong line of people.




7. #have a blog..write down watever you feel and if you r still feeling the same way after the PMSing storm...you might decide that it's not PMS after all..
   



8. #still about blogging..write a private entry and curse those you hate with all possible bad words you can think of.
   



9. #dont use red colour...red letters for blog, red dress, red underware, red pen or even red lipstick.




10. #eat watever you wanted to eat, wat you craved for all this long but afraid that it's going to ruin ur diet..you have the most valid excuse "I'm PMS-ing"
    



11. #Sleep if you can..10 days straight during PMS and only wake up to eat the junk food and when needed to go to toilet. by the time you wake up..violaaaa the PMS is over!!!!

***the list will go on and on. my advice is gobble on the high carbo food with extra sugar. lock ur self and stay away from Men especially those you like...you wouldnt want it end up with DISASTER