Backbiting, fed up and makrout

Selamat hari raya! Saha eid kom! Eid Mubarak! Bon Aïd!

Eid was great but coming back to office after a long holiday is not so great after all. It's not just me feeling that way but I guess the majority do. Work is so-so, I mean it's normal for an employee. Office politics, backbiting tire me down. Honestly I couldn't tolerate anymore. Now...im trying to push HoneyStar to complete his study as soon as possible with the hope to migrate somewhere else. Is Malaysia is least better place than others? Maybe..But I do believe that there are other better places to live or even new places to explore. I've been bitten by "adventure" bug so I'm all for this travel around the globe. The only thing I would probably miss about Malaysia is my family or perhaps the weather too. i am not much into chilly snowy winter.
My ma is not feeling well and will be schedule for surgery next month. Insyallah. I'm feeling bad since I couldn't accommodate her. She refused to stay with me since my apartment is always empty during the days and I might be travelling for some field works from now and then. I pray for some little kiddos to tag along soon so that ma will agree to stay with me and of course I'll have a new profession as a professional homemaker. I could picture us doing some morning walk after HoneyStar off for work and me pushing the pram. We could stop and have a rest on the bench if she feels tired and we could chit chat from everything to nothing…J Insyallah.

Sometimes I wonder, will I ever miss my current profession later when I finally resign or not? All that I know, I will never had the chance to experience it again. As waiting for the time to arrive, I try to commit myself to it, finding job satisfaction and at least I could always sigh to myself…been there, done that...again. Whatever it is I don't see myself permanently slaving for these people. What will I do if the time finally comes? I don't know...all that I could think of is not rushing to office every morning and perhaps I could cook makrout whenever I wanted because I do have the space to do so... plus extra time to doze..ZZZZZZZ

HoneyStar received a box of traditional cookies from a friend who just came from Algeria and I was more than happy to see a makrout in it and of course it was shared with HoneyStar. My eyes even caught a glimpse of makrout while Reading a walk in life's blog entry. i simply love the combination of the semolina & dates...All these apparitions making me realize that I have an overdue assignment to complete...yes, making the makrout for the first time…

Waayyy Too FickLe FriDay

It’s Friday...we have longer lunch hour. I dint know where to go and what to do. I went to the next block and did some window shopping and grabbed a fridge cover that I’ve been looking for.

Tomorrow is Saturday. Couldn’t think of anything interesting to do except some serious cleaning and scrubbing around the house. Just the same routine which I haven’t really follow lately. Of course I wanted to go out and do some sight seeing but with this kind of weather I prefer to stay indoor than burning myself under the Waayy too hot sun. My idea of relaxing is to sleep the whole day and only wake up for meals. Aahh...impossible, unless I’m dead I have tons to do and I hate doing the chores on weekdays. next week i will be doing the "hokey pekey" dance again. yes, im not going to office! going for pilot study around the district only..so i'll be back around to nag my HoneyStar :P

Life is okay...there’s sunshine but sometimes the clouds just appear out from nowhere...and gosh I hate that days. Work is so-so. The office politics really make me Waaayy too sick...then on tuesday I was really sick . Had light fever and bitten by anonymous flu bug which I end up drugged almost every night. so it's a "blue" week for me. I managed to decline n asignment out of the town this time after giving much thoughts about it. hey i got my work schedule. i did go for my asignment to Sarawak last time. so now, it's someone else's turn. she agreed to take it since last 2 weeks..suddenly she changes her mind just because her best friend was not going. how selfish could it be! yes..the best friend IS my Boss and even worse I AM new. who cares? i just going to put a straight face and say NO. couldnt be bother with the flight ticket provided..send me a private jet and i go :)Yes, I was...i mean I am pretty much pissed off with my seniors. Better keep my tongue tied and just do my work. Now since I’m illigible to apply for a post in the colleges, I’ll do that a.s.a.p. nice to be able to hop to a new environment. Of course the adapting process will be challenging. My current job is amazing, others are fighting to get this position but I guess it’s not my cup of tea at all...well..just a bit. i couldnt lie about my interest. but with these waaayyy too fickel minded people who dont practise what they preech, i started to think of other options.

Doing research is good but teaching is Waayy too great. However I couldn’t imagine myself going back to schools. Not until the whole system be “washed”. What could be worse than going to “useless” courses on weekends...okay, enough of my blabbering. From now I just take life as it is. Just imagine me giving a “sidekick” to thosewho are making my life miserable.

Next story, my weight gain is wayyyyyy unhealthy. I gained 10 kg in 6 months. I wonder where the mistake is. Okay let me list down…I was eating anything I ever want, too much of sweet stuff, lack of exercise, long hours of hibernation, double meals. Wait, I have better explanation, I could not resist from my own cook. I was cooking way to GOOD...hahaha (giving my head a knock…yeah right!) the constant travel and staying in hotels making me stuffing myself with…whatever.

homecooked meal is wonderful but eating excessive bread is plumping me. i love bread so much, more than rice or pasta. the best part is, i am destined to marry a bread-eater. too much carbs. i'm like a bun with extra dose of yeast.

So last 2 weeks...i decided, enough is enough. I have reached the heaviest moment in my life and my cholesterol level is not looking good. Still below the "dangerous" line but I rather take early precaution. So here am i...eating lightly. I avoid the oily food and sweet snacks. The calorie count is actually helping. I’m trying to consume 1200 calorie per day and 30 minutes of exercise. I better make full use of my bigest investment so far by buying the cross trainer. I’m happy with the result. Slow but there’s always progress. better make it permenent.

I tried the cabbage soup but couldn’t hold on to it. Wayyyy too little food and made me tired and I have flu since Monday. i'm sick of the cabbage soup and guess what, my favourite day is the "banana" day...other days I felt like my brain stops thinking will eat healthily and keep on watching my calorie. NO MEAL after 5. Fruits are okay. Hey, I’m not going to starve myself...i wont, never will. I just want to be healthy.

Next, I’m counting my days to take a month break! Yes, no kidding! i am Waayyy too excited. I’ll be traveling across the continent and it’s good to know that I don’t have to be annoyed with those people-who-can-never-shut up.News travels really fast. I just submitted a permission letter to travel oversea and by the next day...everybody was talking about it. Some even thought that I already gone (I was on sick leave for a day). since when they care! I say...perhaps 15 hours flight wont be bad after all.

Another 40 minutes before lunch time ends. So better stop now and browse through some recipes to cook. Yes, I’m SUCK in cooking and HoneyStar has to eat it anyway. Poor Love :P

I've Been Bitten By a "Cleaning Bug'

it's not an easy thing for me to balance between work and keeping a house squicky clean all the time. i will try my best to make everything in order. the best tip is to always keep it clean after every use so i dont have to scrub it hard every time i have spring cleaning. perhaps i dont even need any spring cleaning.last sunday was kitchen cleaning. next week i'll aim for the fridge and hall ,another week will be the bedroom, then,the middle room, then,guess room, then balcony. insyallah after a month i rotate the kitchen again.

saturday should be a day out..visiting friends, shopping or just a lunch out with Honey Startime is limited, life is hard, an organised schedule hope to make it better. i should be a better organiser since i'll be traveling frequently from now and then.

So yesterday HoneyStar was teaching me some lesson in cleaning. Yes, it’s good to be married to a “cleaning bug”. You’ll be affected too, otherwise you’ll be bitten by it :P

Kitchen Cleaning To-Do List

Every Day Kitchen Duties:

• Wipe down the sink after doing the dishes or loading the dishwasher (30 seconds).

• Wipe down the stove top (one minute).

• Wipe down the counters (one minute).

• Sweep, Swiffer, or vacuum the floor (two minutes).

Every Week :

• Mop the floor (five minutes).

• Wipe the cabinets, backsplashes, and appliances (10 minutes).

• Wash the dish rack (four minutes).

• Wipe the switch plates and phone (one minute).

• Wipe the inside of the garbage can (one minute).

Every Season:

• Empty and scrub down the inside of the refrigerator (30 minutes).

• Empty and clean the insides of the utensil drawers (15 minutes).

• Scrub down the cupboard exteriors (30 minutes).

• Clean the stove-hood filter (10 minutes).

• Perform "Shiny Sink 101".

Beat the Clock

In the time it takes to brew a pot of coffee, you can get through your "every day" list.

Be Prepared

Keep extra garbage bags (or a whole roll) at the bottom of your trash can and never again have to retrieve an apple core from a bagless bin.

Let It Shine
1. Fill sink to the rim with very hot water; add one cup regular bleach. Soak for one hour.

2. Drain and rinse thoroughly.

3. Scrub with Ajax, Bon Ami, or baking soda.

4. Be sure to rinse thoroughly.

5. Shine with Windex or another glass-cleaning spray.

6.Dry Thoroughly.

Things We Need

• Burner grids and knobs • Brushes and combs • Toothbrushes • Plastic utensil organizer • Refrigerator drawers • Drain catch • Sponges • Dish rack • Plastic toys (use discretion)

Cleaning Supplies to Keep in the Kitchen

• Clorox Disinfecting Wipes :for all hard, nonwood surfaces. They leave a fresh, nonchemical scent. X have

• Windex Glass and Surface Wipes :for windows and chrome. x have

•Microfiber cloths and mops, such as StarFiber or Act Natural ; euronetusa.com: green alternatives to disposable wipes, or to chemical cleaners and paper towels. For cleaning all surfaces. Especially effective for polishing stainless steel. i have microfiber cloths and mops and i love it. the mop is amazing in getting rid of hair since i have serious hairfall problem.

• Bleach. Yes..always

• Ajax ,Bon Ami or baking soda. I do have other type of floor cleanser and baking soda for baking purposes. i guess it's really handy to have it all the time

• Clorox ReadyMop : Wash the floor without a bucket. Works on most surfaces. No..but i do have a local brand :) still work wonders

• Broom, Swiffer , or handheld vacuum: for crumb busting. No vacuum.. no carpet in the house so i guess broom and swiffer is enough

SECRET no more

Hey, how are you? How’s your day? Every time I met her, she always has something to say. It seems that nothing “disables” her nothing “impaired” her. She works next door; we share same entrance, same restroom, and same lift. I bumped into her mostly in the restroom. As usual, she greets me with the most cheerful voice ever. I adore her; she was the first one to ask my name. Shame on me, I never cared to start a “friendship”. “Bulan” I said…and you? What should I call you? Ras. From that moment I registered her name as Ras in my brain. Could it be Rasidah? Rasilah? It doesn’t matter. She is a friend.


One hungry afternoon, I was about to have my lunch. I saw my staff and quickly joined her. I was alone, the cafeteria was crowded and I have no problem in sharing a table with others. It’s good to catch up. Ras was there too...so there were three of us. Sitting down, chatting, and munching the food down the throat. Ras was wearing a corporate shirt with a word “RAHSIA” embroidered neatly on the left side. “What organization is that?” silly me, I dint mean anything bad. I forgot that we normally tag our name on the left side. She started to make joke about being a secret. Yes, Rahsia means secret in Bahasa Malaysia. I stopped asking and we changed topic. The days after went like usual. She’s as bubbly as any other day.


Lately I’ve been going to her unit a lot, discussing my project with her boss since we have a new collaboration. I passed by her desk all the time. R.A.H.S.I.A. her name is Rahsia. She is Secret. People would quickly make assumption why she’s named Secret. I did the same.
Somehow, I learn things from her. It doesn’t matter how we looked like, how we sound like. It is us who make how others see us and how they hear us. We are the one who “disable” our own physical ability. We are the one who impaired our own speech. Allah create us equally, be grateful for who we are and what we have.


That’s the story of my friend, Rahsia. She is definitely a secret no more. I could hear her from a block away;)

a Year Less in LiFe

It’s been awhile since I last wrote a post. 2011 starts and I have things to plan, balancing work and family. I always wanted to be a better person both at work and home. However, I couldn’t organize my life neatly. Now, I have to be focus. ..Yes, who wouldn’t want to get the best employee award and at the same time winning a perfect wife badge. Simple house chores seem to be a big thing. It is good enough if I could squeeze in washing, ironing, cooking, mopping, cooking, and scrubbing on working days. Life could be crappy on certain days…I end up not looking after myself. Gained piles of weight and looking all scrumpy. I wish I will always look like an adorable princess for HoneyStar but unfortunately I often end up like the “red queen” in Alice in Wonderland. There were times; I’m worried about my own capability to juggle life and career. Everyone is not perfect but I dream of being a perfect person. Perhaps I need to stop all these nonsense ideas and be the best I can be. My “best” could be “worst” to others but...it’s me...my life. I want to enjoy life and be with my love ones. I love working but there’ll be time when I need to consider other possibility.


Work is ok. This year I am delighted to lead a research. I am totally eager to learn although the thoughts of completing it in 6 months bother me. I’m just scared…somehow, it’s a relief to know that my mentor has a good reputation and the best Guru in the field. My team members are all supportive and been helping me to gain information on the subject. This could be the only chance for me to challenge myself to the fullest in career. I think I’ll appreciate all these experience later even though my life could change 360 degrees.

“The greatest barrier to success is the fear of failure.”

My father named me “SUCCESS” and Insyallah I will be SuccessfuLL

Thanks FoR The MeMoRy

today is my last day in the sector..my last sweet day and may next days ahead be sweeter. hahaha..as if im moving far away..just one level up and few plight of steps.

HoNeY StaR bought a cake written THANK YOU for me to bring to office and some cash to pay the breakfast i ordered earlier. he said i should thank my previous colleagues especially my boss for giving this opportunity to show my talent in research and evaluation :) i need to settle that pending wedding party in the office anyway. better get it down before i actually move myself...try not to get involved with them much.

Why im being transferred? they said it is a reshuffle but my evil mind said..there's a foul play going on. the best they can do is putting me in a new "promising" sector. well, that's what everyone said. me? it's the same. they pay me and i work..i work even they dint pay me :) -some tough experience i finally overcame.

when my superior handed me the letter..i almost popped my eyes. whose decision is this?
? it's the director..bla bla bla. guess..my transfer started the day after. so..i took my time to calm down. dint pack anything. i just spread the news to my close coll. i was okay about it till i told my "friend". she dint seem to be surprised like most of us..so confirmed some of them know the "game" even before i knew it. what the...

i went back and told my Honey StaR about it. i tried not to have such suspicious feeling. then...the DaY..it was announced in the assembly..so people keep on asking me..how do i get to choose the "hot" sector. i dint. it just happened :) "another surprise wedding gift" i joked around. just to hide the bad thoughts i had.

half of the day was filled with laughter and lots of food for the division eid celebration. i reported to my new boss which doesnt seemed to have a clue where and when the "reshuffle" was coming. a typical welcoming speech "We're happy to have you around". mm..they are not stranger, i involved with their research from now and then..most of them know me well.

after the long Friday lunch break..the truth started to reveal. pretty much what i thought before. yes..i am transferred to give way for someone to stay. i laughed.."if you couldnt change it..laugh at it". knowing my inability to talk things through with my big boss..i'm accepting it. hey everyone wanted to be in that "cool" sector..i was one of them but never had the guts to do so. when it was time for me to go..i just pack some of my junks and threw away most of others. now, 99% are at the new office. my new bos is not around so i'm taking a time out and chose to stay at my old office..kindda fun to see some people are reckless seeing me around.

shall i say "Sweet Revenge?"..not so for some bubble head. i gave her rm2k project last time perhaps that's not enough and she kicked me...so i'm the typical super-nice-but-betrayed character. so how does it feel being back stabbed...Ouch..hurt

being in the new sector hope to speed up my phd plan..after postponing it for almost 2 years. i choose to quit and start afresh soon. writing research will be my core business so there's a high chance for me to master those research methodology in a year or so. bye bye working days. go back to the grad school. stay for 3 years and move to Sahara Desert..no kidding! Africa! Here I Come!

i couldnt deny that i did learn something in the previous unit..i just didnt fit in..Allah has better plan for me. he's removing me from the gossipers and backstabbers..avoiding me from being one of them. before i move my last piece of junks upstairs...to all those in the XXX Sector.

THANKS FOR THE MEMORY..I AM WELL-FED

am looking forward to reduce my weight gained in the sector:)

i shouldnt burden my thoughts with this matter..after all these awfull days, i'm looking foward to see my HoNeY StaR. yes..just love to see his smile after tiring days..

This is MY country

i was reading a blog on inter-racial marriage and feeling like writing a comment. then i ended up filling a long one which suit more as an entry. hey, that's her blog..i shouldnt mess hers with my junks :P sorry princess. so i decided to write it in my own blog.

shall i begin with...

I am a product of an inter-racial marriage and living in Malaysia. My father is a local and mother is a Pakistani descendant. I have my mother’s facial features while my father’s height. People mistakenly identify me as a foreigner from the middle east. Yes, I do get the stares when walking with the locals.

When I was a child, some naughty children used to shout at me “Go back to your country!” but...
this is my country. I don’t speak Urdu and know a little about the Pakistani culture. I regard myself as a Malaysian, never lived abroad except for my undergraduate years in New Zealand and some brief holiday here and there. Honestly I felt more accepted in the countries more than my homeland. it's fair enough if i was treated as a foreigner in the foreigner countries.

Now, I am married to a wonderful foreigner who I met in a local graduate school. He’s been staying in the country for 6 years and that’s make things a bit easy for us. He is fully aware of my culture and could even speak the language. Me? I neither speak Arabic nor French let alone his mother-tongue. We used English a lot. We do have miscommunication many many times and it did piss me off but not for long . The best solution is to always discuss about it a.s.a.p..and of course we had good laugh after that: O and to update, I don’t get the awkward stare when walking in public with him. We looked so “blend in”...

I’m ready to learn Arabic and French. Hopefully I will master the language in less than 5 years...Insyallah by that time i'll be more ready to hop from country to country. yesterday i came out with "funny" idea. i suggest we label all those spices in the kitchen with 4 languages Bahasa Malaysia, English, Arabic and French. i'm looking forward to stick the colourful stickers on the cute lil bottles.

my tale is just one side story of inter-racial "product" and i'm sure there are others who share similar experiences. a marriage includes falling in love many times..again and again..to the same person (this quote is not originally mine..got it somewhere on the web).

It’s amazing how Allah creates human with unique differences. Masyallah. It makes the world such an interesting place to live :) culture and language shouldn’t be the barrier. For me, having the same faith and sharing the same values are important. Just that we need to tolerate more. The choice is ours with Allah’s will of course.

HeLp..We are Dying!!!

honestly..that's what haunted me these few days..my plants in the office are dying. it has not rained since last weekend. it was a very hot days for the past 7 days..yes, very the very hot days..i was away for a week for the PISA coding and left the key to the balcony to my fellow colleague. i left a tumbler full of water and to my surprise the tumbler was still full when i got back in the office on Monday.

there was my asthmatic colleague..telling me that he lost the key..what? okay, i was trying not to get panic. it should be somewhere..so i told him to keep on searching. he might accidentally take it home..after 3 days of constant nag at him..i finally gave up. i asked my office assistant, Mariam to look for spare key. she quietly whispered to me..the key is not missing Madam Rose has it. what? Mr Malek forgot to lock the door so Madam Rose locked it and took the key as well. i dint want to go and ask her straight away..okay, she wanted to play a game. so, i let her. after 5 days and there was no sign that she's giving the key back to me.

everyday i look at my plants with tears.. yes, no kidding i was crying..well, they are my babies. i plant them from seeds and was happy to see the flowers started to bloom. in fact, that what keeps me happy on such down days in the workplace. why couldnt people be more human? i just need to water the plant.

the office was freezing cold during last 5 days. i wonder why the maintenance failed to fix it. my flu is gone after me being absent from the office for 5 days. i doubt that it would go away so quick if still stuck in the office...yeah, had it for 2 weeks and boxes of tissues wasted. can you imagine it was like -10 in the office but 40 outside (okay..i might exaggerating it) but hey some of my colleagues had to put their gloves on..wearing sweater and wrapped shawl on their bodies. the latest one is..many of them have this electric hot water pillow..it's funny. hey nobody wants to be frozen. my fingers were numb and i believe me. it was freaking cold! mr malek had a blanket with him keeping him warm and protected. he had a serious asthma attack last month and was admitted to ER...poor guy. i dont think it will be fun to see him having attack in the office especially when im around. it's going to be very scary..and sad to see someone gasping. i was by the bedside of two close people in my life while they were dying..no kidding, i dont want to see that anymore..

back to my plants..that's it! madam Rose was extremely busy today so i had no chance to bug her and demand the key back. it was almost 430pm..the sun still shinning bright. my plants..owh..owh..my plants. okay, a girl has to do what a girl has to do. i remembered the possibility of getting to the balcony from other way..the meeting room? they were having meeting at that time. so i dint want to wait to wait till they finished..which probably 530pm or 6pm. then...i had an idea..the documents room.. tadaa..yes the room which stores the old yellowish documents.

hahaha.. im in charged now.yes, i am the storekeeper.so i have the keys. there is a window in the room and im quite positive that it only locked from the inside. there there was me..with a tumbler full of 2L water. hooray..i could open it.. so i took the chair and climbed out from the window..1 2 3..jump...my babies are drying, the soil cracked due to heat.. i generously poured the water on them..saying "now..now..dont be scared darling, mommy going to take care of you no matter how".

climbing back to the room was not easy when you are wearing a skirt..luckily the window is wide enough to fit the chair. i pulled the chair outside and climbed back for extra water and did the same again. hope the plants will be okay and it rain during these couple of days. perhaps i should do the nafl prayer and ask Allah to make it rain. to madam Rose, please dont let us frozen..and pity my plants. plants are important to us..they give us oxygen..need not to say more since she was a former science teacher and must be fully aware with the fact that we do need PLANTS to breathe.

I GOT TO SAVE THE PLANET

mission accomplished :)
yes, Bulan with her crazy thoughts yet good intention

was my fave cartoon last time..i wonder do they still air it?
i am a captain planet wannabe..the problem is- there are no Planeteers around :(

Are We OPPRESSED?

BuLaN is....

i hate it when i have a lot to write and dont know what to write first and i end up not writing anything..or worse...writing junks like this..lets write something briefly,what's going on with my life now?
still stuck in a job that i x really favour
still staying at the same my family's flat for free, with my super nice housemate, Harumi and a bro who comes home only whenever he wanted..
the two rabbits are still with me but i need to give it to Taheerah by next weekend. hey, it's a shared custody LOL plus i'll be off to collect data for an international study. wohooo..cool
but then, how am i suppose to drive up north for more 300KM alone. sicko..I HATE DRIVING.
so my solution is to take my "super cool" housemate Harumi..and invited my "super nice" niece. hahaha, so it's going to be a road trip after all. i'll be leaving two days earlier...hahaha, talking for not being late. actually i'll be stopping at an old friend's house on the way to collect my first data. i'll be around the state for 4 days and off to my hometown. so, it's going to be another 300+ KM. i'll be having a "meeting" to sit and discuss about upcoming event. while im there, i need to submit whatever forms, letters needed for the event. looking forward for it BUT my stay will not be purely holiday. i'll be working. collecting data in two different locations in two days..and back to where i'm residing now... so be back in office by 5 August...will have a lunch with my workmates..that i needed to arrange before off to north..yikes! my boss keeps on changing date..
so i guess that's about it. the updates on bulan's life.
wait, i forgot to mention earlier we went for HIV test yesterday..negative, so time to proceed with the next step..Insyallah things will be as we wanted it to be :P pray hard for it.
however, IT'S GOOD TO END SUCH RAMBLINGS WITH HAPPY THOUGHTS..dont u simply love happy ending? well..I DO

i think..i'll hit the bed with my book n..of course warm milk :)

You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant ?

i was about to open my novel when my senior approached. i know her in graduate school, in fact i was her senior back then. yes, she is loud but i never bother about that. i was busy writing my thesis while she's just starting her first year. i barely met her except on those days where i needed to wait for my supervisor to reschedule our meeting and i occasionally ended up hanging around in the graduate's lab. just to kill the time or checking my email.

Sister Salma is a friendly lady, a person that i think is okay to mix around. in fact, i always think she is till now. accidently , she was the first i met after reported to my new division and i was very please to see familiar face at the same place. she's in different unit but recently we met quite often. we are in the same research team for time being and another reason is..i started to park my car at the basement. somehow i dont really like the morning crowd in the lift..people are not just saying hi but checking on each other..clothes, make up..handbags and me? i never looked the best in the morning, especially on my way to the office.

sister Salma joined me for breakfast today and out of respect i dint take my novel out. then, she started to ask me "did Zainab told you what i asked her to tell?" i said"i dont think so"
Sister Zainab is really close to me and she's really stylish and i adore her. i always seek advise from her..not about dressing up but about job and personal problems. i wonder, what stopped her from telling me sister Salma's message. She's a sister to me and i believe she'll say whatever she needed to say to be without feeling hesitate.

"So..tell me!".. She was slightly reluctant and finally said "i told her to tell you to dress up the way you did before" .."mmm..how?" "you are not wearing make up anymore.no lipsticks, come on " i just smiled.."owwh.." she continued, "last time i saw you were so plain..nothing on your face" i replied "well, im not wearing anything now..just natural colour lip moisturizer".."owwwh.." i think she realised that i dont want to discuss about it anymore. so we changed topic..

last couple of months..one of my colleagues asked me.."is that your new hijab style?" i said "maybe..insyallah" honestly i hate myself when i couldnt defend my act, as if my act is against wrong. why cant i say..yes, this is my choice? there's nothing to be ashamed of.

nobody asked me to change..i just feel not right when my hijab doesnt cover my chest. it's like my chest is bare. i started to wear less and less make up. the kohl was applied just to hide my swollen eyes. yes...i had some sadness at that moment and tried to conceal it from others. i dont think it's appropriate for me to come to work looking scrumpy. Alhamdulillah things got better. thanks to my friend who constantly reminding me about the qadr and..the deeper meaning of surah al-insyirah. my fave lines are

فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا

Surely there is ease after hardship

إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
Aye, surely there is ease after hardship.

So i cried less and less. now time to let go my make up. i was worried in case i need the kohl to seal my "grief" again..then i told myself..Allah will keep on helping me in various way. i shouldnt worry much about the future...

i still care much about my skin. i wash my face daily, making sure there's no pimples..putting scar gel on the pimples scar, put lip moisturiser, moisture my face, eye gel for eye bags...and have regular facial done either at home or spa. Alhamdulillah im blessed with good skin and always keep it hydrated by drinking lots of water..only that sometimes i like to squeeze my pimples with my fingers and the result is..ugly scar..:(

once i asked my close friend " do i look different without make up?" she replied " never noticed that" so it's good to know that Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. im not just skin deep..i wanted to be acknowledged not the way i dress..what colour of lipsticks ..let be because for my intelligence and pleasant being. i'm more than a muse.

now i understand why to cover is to honour ourselves..you'll be respected for your brain. i believe when people are listening to you..they really do listen to the words you are saying not because of your "artificial beauty". in the end of the day, it will be your opinion and say that count.

i'm grateful to what Allah is turning me into. i never guessed that i could just be the person i am now. my mom and sisters will be happy...seeing me tossing my tight clothes and fancy eyeshadow. people might say that im limiting my chance of attracting guys and might end up being a spinster. all that i gotta say..my life is not the society to decide. Allah knows the best for me.

it's good to know that most of those who really know me dont really care if i wear make up or not..i am bulan. that's explain everything. my non-muslim housemate is very curious but she tried to understand why i cleaned my closet and put some clothes in the box for donation. harumi is more than happy to receive some of my clothes.

poor Reena, she was all excited to revamp my wardrobe but i told her i'm okay with it as long as she follows my rules..so can you imagine her face when i refused to buy the funky outfit from the China doll's store? give me a break..those clothes are wayyy to tight..i couldnt even put my finger in :P i'll think i'll suffocate in that small dress.

Taheerah is always okay with what i wear or decide not to wear.it's cool to have a friend like her. last weekend i took her out for dinner at the nearby stall..so i was wearing my denim-like jilbab and long black shayla..since it's easy to slip into..and she was wearing baby tee and shorts..people were staring at us..yes, we looked very "different" but hey.it doesnt matter..Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.

now..it's understandable why sister Zainab dint tell me about sister Salma's message. maybe she forgot all about it or it's simply unimportant. i am who i am and people like the way i am..with or without make up.

to those lovely people..thank you for not judging me based on my appearance. im not perfect and never will be one. i never dreamt of being the person i am now. Allah leads people in mysterious ways. Gladly He dint lead me through a very long and difficult route and i pray that He will make me better in every possible way..and keep on leading me to the right path.

to sister Salma, thanks for your attention and my dua' goes to you.

i end my post wit a cute HiJaBi BabY pic

A Garden, Chicken and Sheep

Before i start to blog on the topic related to ..a garden, chicken and sheep, i wanted to stress that this blog post is NOT about the Farmville Obsession in Facebook. I'm not a big fan of Facebook and NEVER get involved with Farmville. I have nothing against the craze..being a private person, i found that facebook-ing is so un-private..but i do browse friend's page. hahaha..i guess i am the facebook stalker after all.. LOL :P bad2 girl !

okay..back to my Garden, Chicken and Sheep..it goes like this..

When you are feeling all blue and crappy...you must think of things that make you happy or perhaps people that make you happy. At this very own time. All I could think is the flowers that blooming. Yes I planted new plants in the office. So that’s keeping me all excited to come to office. Not that super excited but enough to keep me going. Friends said that im just not born a gardener at all. The plants that I tried to plant seem to die in less than 5 months.

I never gave up. I ‘m not opening a plant nursery so nothing to worry about. I like to see the flowers blooming from the tiny seeds. It’s amazing how it grows. It’s like a magic when those plants come out from the soil. It doesn’t take that long for it to grow. In some cases…it only took a day. Planting a plant is somehow has its ups and downs. Call it lucky or whatever you please. The plants might just stop growing and seeing a plant dies is not a good experience. I always sad to see it dying and most of the time, I would try to save it. I agreed that it takes some knowledge to determine the right soil, lighting, water or even the right plants to grow. Where and when...

I’m a good example of a pure amateur gardener. Some people advised me to just quick planting flowers. They said I have “warm hands”which resulted to the plants dying. Whatever. I like keeping the world green plus some colour here and there. Unlike some people who couldn’t be other about planting trees yet have the guts to complain about global warming.

I have no blinking idea what plant this one should be...just wait and see

Acalypha hispida or better known as "cat's tail" plant in my country

Unfortunate enough for me to realize that sometimes my plants failed to survive no matter how careful I was…sometimes it does grow and you could see me smiling and grinning of satisfaction. It’s a huge accomplishment to me. Im better with the greens. Just those flowers need lots of sunlight and living in a small flat is a disadvantage.

The only sunny place is the launderette, even though it’s just for few hours in the morning. That’s okay for the greens but not sunny enough for the flowers. I used to have pink flowers at the small “balcony” but I don’t know why it’s stop producing more flowers. Huh….im not happy with that. Flowers always make me happy and im trying again and again.

Owwh... I do wish to live in a house with a small garden where I could spend time just planting and admiring the plants. Being a homely person. A garden definitely one of my biggest wishes. Last week, I had a dream. I was in a location which I think a farm but not a big one. Maybe a house at countryside with extra space for me to keep some farm animals. I was feeding the chickens. I could see a sheep...a white fluffy sheep. I was happy but I wonder why I don’t have cat with me. I love cats but yet I don’t have one. Mmmm…I do have rabbits now but that’s all I could squeeze in the tiny flat.

Better than nothing…

Could my dream of Garden and farm be classified as“escapism” from this unfavorable job?

i think adding some geese in my "little farm" will be a good idea

Skirts? Dresses? Who cares...

i have this great interest in frilly flowing summer dresses/ skirts. always do..but being a "European size" lady in a petite Asian culture always turns me down. the dress/skirt is either too small or too short for me..way above my ankle and as a hijabi..it's way too inappropriate for me.

one day, i saw this frilly floral smocked dress with small strings as straps..it's nice but not long enough, plus i dont have suitable cardigan to wear with..anyway..cardigan is not so practical in this boiling weather of a tropical country..i'll get all sweaty in less than one hour and i''ll get super conscious with my body odour regardless excessive sprays of perfume. Stinks..stinks Bulan ;#[

somehow, i let my hands ran through the dress..mmm..this smocked here could treat as elastic band..perhaps a little bit high..but comfortable enough since it wont stuck between rolls of my "cute" belly.. hahaha. so i need to give it a little bit of experiment.

yes..i bought the dress for less than rm50 and yes again..any clothes cost me above that is considered expensive. so can you imagine how did i look like when my mom told me that she bought 2 batik cloth worth rm300 and rm100 including a cotton cloth for rm5o..minus the tailor's cost. Wow!!! i nearly dropped my jaws..what the...Please Mom..stop buying more cloth. i have more than enough clothes for Eid..of course she said that i need not to pay for it but I WILL..i think everything will cost me rm1000..huh!!! i'm still a little girl to my mom and she loves to dress me..still.

the truth is.. im a cheapskate which i believe that i never failed to make a cheap stuff looked cool on me :) so, back to my dress's story.

i matched the dress (which is now a skirt to me) with a loose man's shirt...tadaa..the result is a modest look which im pretty much satisfied. i do have matching blouse that i could wear with it but just feel like trying to fit the baggy man's shirt in my wardrobe for my own convenience. Easy to look for my size and i could just kidnap from my bros' closet..:") talking about being an immoral cheapskate!!!! LOL

i have some pics of dresses that can be converted into skirts which mostly suitable for casual outings, classes or just for weekly grocery shopping at a nearby supermarket.

I simply love this red dress. you can just detach the strings off the dress or just hide it inside. you never know..you might want to wear it as a dress at the comfort of your home for "his" eyes only. ;P

Seriously, who could tell if you're wearing a skirt or a dress. This strapless dress is definitely destined to serve as a skirt for me.

This "innocent" look can be worn with almost any colour of tops.

I'm going bananas for these floral printed Hawaiian theme cotton dresses. It's summer all year here :) cotton keeps me cool
on a hot, hot day


another cute strapless dress, but this one is a long dress that can be worn with pink tops (my fave) or slip on a long cardigan and off you go for a day outing with your friends or even taking the children for a day out in the park. *in my case..taking my wabbits out for a walk*

Eyes WiDDDeee OPEN

i couldnt sleep...huhuhu
i slept around 1030 last night. set my alarm at 2.00 with the intention of waking up and watch Algeria vs England. after delaying my wake up..i finally rose. went to the bathroom..had a lil bit of refreshing face wash and of course emptying my bladder. hey..what dont do 2 rakaat naf prayer? yes..why dont.. so i did it..its not that every morning i'll be able to wake up at such wee time..
i turned on the tv and....wat the..what was the channel airing? Mexico vs France. hey its almost 3 and time for the current game. maybe a bit late..so i ended up dragging a basket full of clean laundry and started to fold it. yes..my least fave chore. had to do it anyway. so within 20 mins..im done with it. still..no sign of live telecast of the match. the host keep on talking..blablabla.

gosh..im too lazy to on my laptop..i thought finally i got to watch a smooth telecast. last time when i was watchin korea vs..i dont know..forgot already..the player was aboiut to kick the ball...then..the screen was frozen..me and hirumi were frozen too. yesss...frozen of amusement. "is it in or not?" Harumi asked..i heard a roar of cheers from my upstairs neighbour..yes..it's in..the guys were cheering. so there goes..my not so smooth World cup experience.

the tv channels do not provide all the game and sadly i dont install suscribed tv..too lazy to go and watch it at the cafes nearby..must be full of male population..i wouldnt feel comfortable being ogled at the wee our ..im not a big fan of football anyway..just that it's world cup..only once in 4 years and Hirumi is Japanese..from JAPAN..Muhammad is Algerian from ALGERIA of course..they are two my good buddies so..im just giving a lil support here..yeah fair enough, after messing their life with my craWziness :P

so i had no choice but to on my laptop and watch the game online. it was the lucky Pinnoy channel. well..not so smooth. it's ok. i was watching while doing my ironing for next week..i had a piece more to iron while the game ended. so i kept on ironing and tried to watch movie online. not so interesting..jennifer's body. watched half of it..and it was time for fajr. so i did my prayer and continued reading some news. Tahirah texted me and asking me to join her for spa-ing tonite..so yipiee..im going to be as clean as white sheet..not so white..but better..mmmm i just like to touch my skin after spa-ing..oh so lovely..soft..scented..aaahhh i could fall in love with myself. hahaha..talking about self obsession :) i replied with a big OK..she must had just arrived back from her "canada" work..tough job at odd hours. so better let her have a rest.

okay..that's it! i went to see the rabbit and fed them. now..time to feed me. brown rice...vege..mmm..i ended up cooking dont-know-wat..Hirumi finally woke up and asked me..wat r you cooking? Dont ask...however..we ate a tasty breakfast. still couldnt sleep..so i downloaded madagascar...then..my eyes...getting sleepy and sleepier...the website was slow anyway..Hirumi was getting ready to go out..yes..for a football game tonite with her fellow japanese friends.

i was asleep from 11 am till 3.30..feeling so much cramped on the couch...not enough space for my legs..but better than sleeping in a hot boiling room. my room gets the sunrise..so..it'll be so darn warm most of the mornings.

i jumped into shower and had a brief one..hahaha..dont need to do the scrubbing since i'll be paying people to do it tonite. i texted Syarifah..was thinking to drop by at hers and give hamzah's present. too bad she's going out. but we planned to get together at Aminah's tomorrow. so mission almost accomplished.

i continued watching Madagascar and had some lil bit brown rice. now im blogging and thinking that i should off to Tahirah's house now since i wanted to get some fruits at the supermarket and withdraw some money..or maybe not..lazy bum..
now..im feeling sleepy but too late to take a nap..it's 6 pm...
i guess i'll do some reading.

Leena texted me around 630 asking me out for drinks..sorry gurl..im spa-ing tonite..so we set a "date" tomorrow night..
my sunday be fully occupied..with food plus girls' talk (NOT GOSSIP)

updated: i met Syarifah..gave the present to Hamzah ..they were 4 hours late..huhuh. Leena had to cancel our "date"..perhaps next time

Good OLd DayS with CaLvin & HobbeS

You are NEVER alone

Sometimes, when the world's not on your side
You don't know where to run to
You don't know where to hide.
You gaze, at the stars in the sky
At the mountains so high
Through the tears in your eyes.

Looking for a reason,to replace what is gone.
Just remember, remember
That you are never alone.

You are never alone (you are never alone)
Just reach into your heart
And Allah is always there.

You are never alone (you are never alone)
Through sorrow and through grief
Through happiness and peace
You are never alone.

So now as you long for your past
Prepare for your future
But knowing nothings going to last
You see this life is but a road
A straight and narrow path
To our final abode
So travel well O Muslim
And Paradise will be your home
And always remember
That you are never alone.

You are never alone (you are never alone)
Just reach into your heart
And Allah is always there.

You are never alone (Allah is there)
Through sorrow and through grief
Through happiness and peace
You are never alone.
You are never alone (you are never never alone)
Just reach into your heart
And Allah is always there.

You are never alone (you are never alone)
Through sorrow and through grief
Through happiness and peace
You are never alone.

Even on a rainy day...there's a beautiful butterfly outside the window..waiting for you to reach out

Oh Who See!

"party all night long...." Ms Rahmah, my "small" boss was dancing and singing around the office. unfortunately i could only see her hands tossing around passing the cubicles. being vertically challenged make it hard for me to see her from far. Yet i adore her spirit. she's loud, full of energy compared to me who prefer to be silent in the end of the corner. oh well, i enjoy my own company sitting at the brightest and warmest place in the level.

all bosses are gone for a retreat..leaving most of us more than happy....like Ms Rahmah said...PARTY TIME... and me left "on call" glued to my chair..trying to write report in my native language while thinking in my second language. it's hard for me..i have to generate a translation machine in my brain...i dont think in my native language anymore..im comfortable with my second language..it's like everything has been translated to the language.

i was browsing thru some website trying to ease my agony after days listening to the same issue and trying to jot down all those craps properly. i need something to plug my ears with. i refused to on the radio since i found most of the content of the songs aired consist of obscene language. yes, i'm 18+ and grouped as a mature listener but still feeling uneasy. this morning i was listening to a radio station when the song start with..."i never seen your body..." gulp! what kindda of song is this? what's going on with the country's entertainment? dont people are sensitive about these anymore?

i always listen to the lyrics carefully which later i commented and give a full summary of the hidden meaning. "once i was listening to a song sang by a man.."....i could never be your women". yikes! this is a gay song...my friend ended up tunning to other song. sometimes...my nieces couldnt take it anymore and said " can we just listen to the song..and you stop analysing every single words.." i just couldnt help myself. language is my biggest interest especially poetry so..my brain tend to process it that way...not my fault..although the words do iritate me a lot. nowadays, i prefer to drive without the music. i just got sick of those lyrics which inappropriate most of the time. i tried to make sure i have a book with me..i read when stopping at the traffic lights..yess no kidding!!!

workin infront of pc all day long gives me chances to browse the internet from time to time. with just few clicks i ended up listening to some nasheed online. we couldnt download anything from the net. so this website is good enough. i put my headphone on and click the listen icon.

hey..this one sound familiar..i have no blinking idea what does it mean but it does sooth my mood..i think i heard this before..where?
then i remembered ....i've listent to it many many times but never think of looking for the meaning. shame on me.. :'(

so, coming home...i just had to cure my curiousity..after cooking some "express" tofu soup..i ended up browsing the youtube with my dinner on the table. i was slurping the yummy soup and preeching to Harumi. she stood there joining me for dinner and tried to comprehend what i was saying..oh well..i hope she could bear with me..she's a great listener..a good company. i just couldnt shut my mouth, talking about my new discovery.had to keep on analysing the lyrics :)

so this is..viola! it's about mosquitos but with implicit meaning which does reflect on myself. yes..who cares about the mosquitos...i do care about the creator though! yes..HIS magnificient creation are amazing. i am created and my decrees have been writen, the ink already dried...

yes..Ya Man Yara..forgive me..i failed most of the time..fortunately, i have HIM leading me again.



Oh! who see the mosquito spread its wings
In the darkness of the black night

And see its vein in its upper chest
And the brain in these thin bones

And see blood running in its jugular vein
Moving from one joint to another

Forgive me For what I have previously done
And see the embryo nurturing inside it

In the darkness of its innards without looking
And see its footsteps

In its quick and rushing movements
And see and hears other beings

In the bottom of the dark and huge sea
Forgive me For what I have previously done

this lyrics made me realised that i had to do something and alhamdulillah i did it...now im feeling much more calm.

THe SpY NexT FLooR

come here, you!
who me?
yes..you
i heard you've done something...you've sent a man to jail
i was...what?
what have i done?
i'm not even done with last month's work.
dont give me that blur look
huh?
you've made Ruvue in trouble.
how?
Ruvue, the attachment officer from the Bluee planet?
yes..him?
now the ministry is conducting a thorough investigation.
you'll be the main witness.

Ruvue is a new officer attached to my department. he's here on a collaboration project between Greeno planet and Bluee planet. we are trying to make an MOU on creating safer galaxy. i remembered i went to meet him last month with the intention to prepare a report on Bluee defence ministry. i had to catch up with my dear friend Sammo.. missing outings with him recently. So i took the stairs up to next floor. saying hi to Sammo, had a lil bit updates and i was off meeting Mr Ruvue. he seems like a friendly guy who proudly telling me all about his planet. yes..he's definitely proud of his roots. who couldnt be proud of a place like that.

everything is blue..even the leaves. i went there for backpacking during my college years and ended up liking the blue tea which taste more like mint tea. People are friendly there. they like to dance and sing a lot. just like in Bollywood movies on earth except that those dancing creatures are blue. yet they wrapped their bluish bodies with colourful cloth. oh..it's so wonderful...it's like blue is not the colour of "sadness".

i hope those people on planet earth see that blue doesnt associate Sorrow. gosh! i nearly punch my fellow human classmate during a class debate on metaphor in Romanticism..yes..all those metaphor created by dead human beings who never been to the Bluee planet. Blue is wonderful, just like green..except i'm too synonym with green and prefer to stay greenish. duh! i was born green..surrounded by lovely green things, tighted up with green loves.

remember Avatar? the box office in 2009 set in Pandora among the Navi.. there's a town named Pandorue and the Navue actually lived in the southern part of Bluee. but i think the film is exaggerating. they dont have tails..and plus they wear clothes..lovely silk. my cousin Sandue is a mix bred..her mom is a Greeno and pop is a Bluee Navue and they live in the Bluee capital...100 miles from Pandorue. i yet to visit them at their new place. i heard that everybody is adapting well there.

back to my case..

Dont you feel worried?
why should i?
this creature never really have that worried look..just the blur look.
the police might ask you questions and you'll be a suspect.
its okay..i did my facial..a green tea facial plus broccoli..these two new revolution in cosmetics are believed to make us more glowing...hahaha
okay..i failed to make you worried.
why should i....SUDDENLY MY LIFE BECAME MORE INTERESTING... i shouted my lungs out and while making my way to the ladies..thanks to the unlimited green tea that filling my bladder, a good excuse to stay away from Mr Zozo the Green Bozo :O

the next few days...colleagues approached me and gave me all sorts of tips on "HOW To disguise myself"..some are giving me crazy ideas:

BUY a new spaceship...make it blue, well, i like my green one just fine and i love to save more money and travel to Mars a.k.a the red planet. yes my human friends are busy talking about it. they will envy me since i could stay alive with no oxygen..ohh i love being alien..sorry humans, keep sending those robots or what you called satelite..truth is you'll never set your foot on MARS! who knows..you might catch my pics..grining Greeeeenn!!! :)

some of them even asked me to change my complexion..to blue..means that i have to dye my body blue..yikes. dont like that blue+green..i think i'll look like a grey jellyfish..btw, are jellyfish grey? not sure.we dont have one here..
jelly + fish..yucks!!! my imagination is running wild..STOP! i only eat fresh greens..err frogs are excluded.

i stressed to my colleague "IM NOT THE CRIMINAL HERE..IM A HERO..I SHOULD BE REWARDED NOT DETAINED"
Most of these creature have no commonsense.
my director called me one day and reminded me to be extra caution. aaarggghhh i enjoy breathing my.. my.. freedom. now i have to be extra careful. its like there'll be war within these two planets. perhaps i should wear a blue paper bag with two holes plus another hole to breathe so that nobody recognise me.

i hate to create a scene. honestly i dont mean to trouble anybody. just happened that i ended up revealing a document full of classified information that mr Ruvue gathered from my department. the worst part is..he uploaded it online. technically, he's the one that should be blamed..best kick out of the planet. he could be a threat to us..the Greenos.
crapsss!!!! i was the one who found it..he gave me the website. the Bluee Creatures could just locate me with their satelite..and im done..could be turned into coleslaw..with extra greens..interesting yet pathethic.

after 2 weeks of worries i'm pretty much relieved because nobody talk a lot about it anymore except my senior Mr. Zozo who constantly teasing me for being too "naive"..."blur" "outer space".
w-h-a-t-e-v-e-r..i didnt give much thoughts on it..i do my work..i come on time..i dont say bad words..
that old green folk is just not that important to me.

today my boss called me and whispered to me
"just say..you consulted me".
i was like..what?
the blue case.
ooo its not over yet?
it's getting more serious my dear.
do they know ME?
no..
DARN!!! i should be famous by now

Hello..i deserve a praise here..a promotion perhaps ;) a scholarship to do research in other planet will be accepted plus extra allowance for sunscreen....other planets are so much polluted..thanks to human's error..

huh..some people are just craving for cheap attention.
get a life Najeeno..you are so "attention seeker"

i wonder when the press will come and interview me and the paparazzi are all around me?
"THE SPY NEXT FLOOR starring Najeeno the Greeno's superstar" coming soon in cinema near you.

snap it Green!, you are just another green alien no greener than others!!!
now go to bed...
ooo..okayyy...