FeediN the Society's Mind

yeah, exactly..how do you cope with the way the society you live in defined "better"? is being you is better than being him/her? OR is bein him/her better than bein you?

for me.i always defined better as ...to compare myself with my previous self during previous years with the present self. so there are better n worse things. i would love to compare myself with others but believe me, comparing myself with others never made me feel better but rather worse. you know why?
because i always view others' life as better than mine. one gud thing is i dont look at others' bad side...so thats the reason i hate to compare.

this time i'm going to talk about single hood in my society. to give "better" explanation about it according to my"rotten" dictionary.
let see, as a female adult in a society where marriage is viewed as an achievement..i always left with feelin less better. truth is i'm tired of these courting games..

"my name is....i have..siblings..i think the world should be more clean if we start recycling" hahahahah

then i will start to bore my dates with the green house effect and of course most of the topic revolves around global issues. which left guys confused...ooo they cant lie to me about that. i could easily detect their uneasiness by looking at their facial expression. well, that's what happens if i try too hard to be normal...i will end up talking abnormally about paranormal topics..then i was labeled as "she thinks she's all that". yes..i'm all that craps you can think of..in a good way of course.

wat do they expect? me talking about cooking? i like coOking but hey...it's just wat we do to live. almost all people do it. i never been good in it. so-so only. gardening? believe me...talkin to plants is my expertise..just that they dont listen to me THAT much. children? i dont have to show off how good i am with those muchkins. i do read children's mind..im more like a child myself sometimes. do they want me to make a public announcement that I'm not against polygamy? get a life....im not goin to preach about how good i am?..dont have to. dont want to.

so put iT this way...i'm not against courting but there are times in my life i feel like takin a break from those games..its like rewinding a tape.. the introduction side again and again. or to be more high tech conscious...i should perhaps takin ipod with me n just play the recorded mp3 on "myself" while i could do some other thing else like eating..drinking..or just excuse myself to the ladies till the recorded voice done.

mmm...some will fall in love with me in less than 2 seconds..thinking that i'm such a goddess...funny!...some wish that they never met she-thinks-she's-smart lady like me. their lost anyway!

i had such conversation with my prof as many times as i could recall where she kept on saying again and again about how could a person like me still single?and how she wish she has someone decent to introduce to me...hahahaha..if she gave me rm10 every time she's making this statement. i'll be rich by now..at least motivate me to set appointment with her more often. but nil.. i rather settle for good discussion about my research so that she stays quiet about my life. which rarely happened.

yes..she thinks i'm cool...a package...watever!
if i'm a package..i'm sure a heavy one and the more weight..the extra cost..lousy idea but kindda like it.

then she started to ramble about :
guys wanted a smart lady as a partner but yet need her to act stupid in front of him.
a career lady but must be able to handle all domestic matters...perfectly!
must look as beautiful as miss universe but not given any personal allowance for beautification..tough!!!!

yes..i once rejected a guy who proposed to me because i have secure job..why? i hate workin and im supposed my husband should provide me the financial stability not me for him. i always dream being a Queen in a Palace of my own :)

• "You are smart, have a good secure job"..you are stupid and have an insecure job..take a hike!
• "hey..you'll look better if you wear braces..." again ..past
• "how do you get the job in your devison?" interview.next question please?..
• "See..my research is never done in the country before" cool..so go back and apply it in your blue planet.
• "Even prophet Muhammad was younger than Siti Khadijah". Clear enough..you are not Him and i'm not Her.
• "i saw you 3 times walking around the campus. could we get married tomorrow?"..wat the.....
• "wat car are you driving now?" none of ur bisnes!
• "i heard you could easily apply for loan nowadays" NO thx..i dont want you even F.O.C !
• "whose turn to pay this time?" yours..yours...and always yours
• "I like tall girl". I hate short guy
• " you should lower your expectation" yes..and i think you should too..so find someone suits u...;0
• "do you cook everyday" i have cooks to cook for me (in various restaurants)
• "please accept my proposal, if not i'll take the pill" let me add liquid pesticide for you to drink with.
• "see..i love you so much..it just that my family has arranged me to marry my brother's friend's sister's grandma's uncle's son's daughter's cousin's niece's grandpa's father's sister-in-law's mother's neighbour's teacher's best friend's cat's little sister". i guess i could never been accepted in the "HeLLo kitty" clan after all :(
• "dont worry they are just flings..i'll definitely marry you" DUSH!!!!! a punch on the face..and DUSH!!!...another one!

okay..okay i'll stop listing the "says" said by the males.

twice my dear friend Sam said how do i feel to still stay single when others who are unglier (i dint say that..he did!) are happily married? married..i agreed but happy is too personal for me to evaluate. i was like telling him...SHUT UP!!!! what's ur point? as if you r married..he probably says..i'm different...come to think of it. yes..he's life is far more complicated than mine..better i regard him as a "lady" friend giving ladies' advice.

if i wanted to get married i must have done it last 10 years. i must have half dozen of children by now..happy? mmmm....not sure. could at least try.

so what ever it is..i just want to be happy...if im single..a happy single...married..happily married
being happy is the most important thing in life..

its not my fault for unsuccessfully fit in the stereotype in the society. I fail in feedin people's mind with all those "junks" beliefs about marriage...it's not my fault if i chose not to end up sharing my precious happy life with a jerk. Yes..some probably will say that i couldnt make it through in the love department so i need to show that i'm successful in the career department. mmm....not that i need to show but since i dont have such commitment..so what else should i do instead of WORK & HAVE FUN!!!!

call me fragile...weak..vulnerable..i always believe that it's important to make my own judgment in matter like this. people will be happy to see me getting married but will be they be there if i'm sad?
they'll laugh :0 with me but i doubt they'll cry :( with me too.

i normally dont bother those comments given by others but when some close friends said that...it's a bit of hell since i always think they always regard me as a person not just "all-i-want-to-do is-to-get married" individual. Friends and Family are my strengths..without them, i'm lost

if people think that i'll be better if im married..that's merely their personal opinion and i should respect that. however, when they go overboard..i should learn ways to cut their words short.

Are people talking about marriage as a spiritual communion of two people or purely the physical part of it?..shall i spell the S word? duh!!!

better or not ......i never fit in the "typical"society of mine...do i wish to live somewhere else...yes..but not because of wat others said but because i always feel awkward no matter where i am..so it wouldnt be much problem for me to fit in foreign country because i'm always "foreign". since i'm always foreigner so might as well i go and travel the world :) make a good use of it.

what could be worse than feelin foreign in your own country although being a foreigner in a foreign country will never be better..but you can always say "I am a foreigner"..so that will make excuses easier whenever people are staring at you ..or failed to understand you...or defined you differently

a good and long sigh should be this way
aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh
life goeeeeeeeeessssssssss onnnnnnnn.....

• full stop (only when you are dead)

An Adventure of The GreeN ALieN

The Man in the Astronaut suit greeted me this morning. wow, wat a peculiar Tuesday. there he was in front of my office complex..wearing a complete white armour suit, head covered with bubbled glass. there were words i couldnt understand. perhaps it's written in Russian. words of friendship maybe "WE COME IN PEACE"
LOL!!!!! it's the big screen in front of my parcel wit unclear prints (broken)....
what a good day to start with..yes..Outer Space is my theme for today and i'm.....I AM THE GREEN ALIEN driving in my green spaceship...

• Me in my green spaceship bought with my first salary

work was okay today..i finally managed to almost complete writing my report in my native language. yes the ToKoToko language. a language i yet to familiar after being stigmatized with human language all this while. See, i was injected with human thoughts for almost 20 years...meaning i think like human, eat like them, live , breathe like them...the tiny capsule flew into my blood and multiplied in just 2 seconds.

i was human except that my skin still green..my eyes are still black with no eyelids. i had to cover my sensitive eyes from harmful rays. luckily it was a trend to wear big sunglasses. yes..i was walking down the street Paris Hilton's way with my big Ray-Ban( of course imitation). the GReenO Planet Government gave a very minimum allowance for sunglasses since we're allow to opt for laser treatment. it was not my thing at all. i always like my eyes and of course it's my dream to have the Paris Look except that i was a lil bit greener...okay!more green. the greenest creature in my faculty. Somehow, my green is more like jade green. believe me..

• Paris Hilton in green resembled me a lot..it just that i'm EXTRA green
  

there was other green alien sent to earth on a mission. he is greener than me. I swear he is the Greenest Alien i ever met. He's Bright STRIKING Green and the best part was he glowed in the dark. The city was so much "glowing" with him around. He was not in my faculty though.he was in the maths faculty doing some really serious calculation as i was sent to the language faculty to understand the human psycholinguistics phenomenon AAarrgh..i never was a big fan of numbers anyway except money $$$$..
the hilarious part is, i heard he even cooked green rice. talking about being human...hahahaha.LOL...what a funny alien! he wore odd green stripped tshirt but fortunately he chose brown car instead. perhaps he was trying to cover his "green identity" but this male alien with a charming "green attitude" melted many earth ladies' hearts leaving them heartbroken afterwards since we were not meant to be permanently resided in that filthy human planet. we were there on a mission..to help creating greener earth but we were not 100% successful since human continue to destroy the earth. then...it was time for us to come home...

• Méreeno showing peace sign before departed to Greeno Planet for good
• this photo was taken after he drank a pot of jasmine green tea

(told u, he glowed in the dark and i believe he still does)

Now, back to my adventure. gosh! it was really polluted there on earth and now i guess, it will be worse. i'm glad to be back in my planet...seeing green all around...eating the freshest green vegetables...drinking the purest green tea from organic tea leaves. No black or white coffee...green tea is our healthy beverage. i am blessed living in a decaf society where detox is a way of life.. Not just that, there are green mountains, green plants and the best of all we have green roses...amazing!!!

• a photo of a BLOOMing Green Rose taken from my backyard
  

of all the greenly things we dont have green sea but blue sea just like on earth except that our blue is more pure, some kind of turquoise. i love the fact that we have refreshing seasons. not too cold winter and less extreme summer. the air is fresh, you could almost smell the grass...Best of all, no harmful UV rays..no need to apply thick sunscreen onto my skin. i used SPF120 waterproof sunscreen when i was there last 2 years. the news said, nowadays, it takes more than SPF200 sunscreen lotion to protect human skin.

to be continued....

JuMp YouR HeaDs OFF!!!

“Living at risk is jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down.”

Taming PMS

for guys.. yeah you the one with furry body and insensitive brain (ooops...that's monkeys):PMS is Pre menstrual stress which ladies experienced 10-7 days before menstruation.
scientific explanation:

Chemical changes in the brain. Fluctuations of serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that is thought to play a crucial role in mood states, could trigger PMS symptoms. Insufficient amounts of serotonin may contribute to premenstrual depression, as well as to fatigue, food cravings and sleep problems.
in simple statement BLAME OUR HORMONE

to guys..do you understand? now take a hike!!! before we ate u alive with choc caramel as topping.

Probably the biggest

complaints of those dealing with PMS are MooD SwinGs. Sure, there are plenty of ancillary symptoms that are just as prevalent – usually they include acne, bloating, pain and some muscle aches, and even psychological problems – but they all appear to pale when compared to the severity and speed of the mood swings that seem to be out of control during the time just prior to the onset of the menses. Yes sometimes i'm feelin blessed if i have fluid retention in my body rather than the fluid retained in my brain..

Taming PMS mood swings is a mix of putting an end to one of the symptoms that onlookers and others in the household perceive as the main complaint, while at the same time learning how to make the most of available means of dealing with a monthly recurrence.

Here R some of the Tips To Tame ur PMS

( i dont religiously follow..hey i'm PMS-ing k..wat do you expect?)

1. # take a break from LIFE..go and hide in the cave and of course bring tons of choc with you. choc bar, choc drink, choc ice (bring ur fridge wit u)..extra cheese pizza with choc brownies topping..make sure u have enough cash/debit card/credit card to pay the delivary boy. and the cave must be near food outlets and shops to buy junk foods when u r out of supply.
   



2. #best to avoid the shopping mall AT ALL..you might end up buying hideous pink dress with green polkadot pairing with bright orange bootcut pants.




3. #stop discussing issues with MEN..you will go against watever he said..even if he said that you forgot to take off your hair roller. you might feel that he's saying, "you are ugly"




4. #a sad movie is a complete NO NO...you'll cry uncontrobly and relate every single scene in the movie with your story..even when the frog prince get married to another frog.




5. #stay away from all sharp objects, tall buildings since you'll tempted to hurt urself with it....jump from the building. even worst if you'll stab someone for just not responding to ur SMS in less than 2 seconds or push someone from 4th floor apartment because you think he's calling u Fatso.




6. #dont get angry (it's impossible anyway)..if you r angry stay away from the phone, text msg. write a snail mail instead..you might change ur mind anyway by the time u reach the post office and found out the Looong line of people.




7. #have a blog..write down watever you feel and if you r still feeling the same way after the PMSing storm...you might decide that it's not PMS after all..
   



8. #still about blogging..write a private entry and curse those you hate with all possible bad words you can think of.
   



9. #dont use red colour...red letters for blog, red dress, red underware, red pen or even red lipstick.




10. #eat watever you wanted to eat, wat you craved for all this long but afraid that it's going to ruin ur diet..you have the most valid excuse "I'm PMS-ing"
    



11. #Sleep if you can..10 days straight during PMS and only wake up to eat the junk food and when needed to go to toilet. by the time you wake up..violaaaa the PMS is over!!!!

***the list will go on and on. my advice is gobble on the high carbo food with extra sugar. lock ur self and stay away from Men especially those you like...you wouldnt want it end up with DISASTER

The LaLa LanD

wat could eb better than skate and a bunch of cartoons? if i'm a cartoon character, who do i associate myself with? of course the brilliant and philosophical Alice!

Here Comes A-L-I-C-E !!!

alice alice alice..that's me! someone who i could always relay on whenever i feel like hiding away from the reality. being an adult definitely not an option and going through it could be not so pleasant after all. yes, an adult suppose to be responsible for all action that has been done or goin to be done. we cant simply say..oops i've done it again and blame others..

being a dreamer doesnt mean that i 'm running away from the responsibilities. i could say it is an escapism. a temporary escape for me..yes life much more challenging down the rabbit hole but as people say "the grass always look greener on the other side of the fence" :(

date to mark 4 March 2010..yes i'm goin down the rabbit hole with sweet Alice

He PickeD me That FLoWeR

i was driving to office today...herding the engined camel gently near the busy roundabout. i was looking for small maynahs who normally hop on the grassy divider. suprisingly, i couldnt find one today. then, i looked at the small wild flowers. the small flowers with small white petals..little but somehow strong enough to fight the windy day.

Hassan was 4 years old, his brother Hussien was barely few months and i was the wednesday babysitter. someone they refered as a big sister. wednesday with them always amazing and so did other days. i practically spent most of my days at their place..feeling the warmth of "family". there would be phone calls if i had gone missing more than 3 days. being cared for is wonderful. living abroad was pleasant after all. dealing with homesick turned to be easier.

4 year old Hassan adored me..grew a crush on me. holding my hands and never wanted to let go when we were together. listening to my stories . flipping the pictorial books and pretend to read to me.

"Look...i could read and i will read for you".

Hassan was not a big fan of school anyway. i remembered his mom had to drag him to wash up and get ready for play school which he normally attended not more than 3 times a week and sometimes less or never at all.

having parents who were struggling to complete their second degree was not so appealing for a boy at his age. he was seeking for attention and constantly throwing tantrums. i was the closest adult to him, other than his parents. it's a relief for the couples who struggled days and nights, juggling family life with study. i dint mind at all. i'm more than happy to be one of the Kuno's clan. i rather spent my time with him than gossiping with my housemates. i knew that Hassan would be waiting for the wednesday play date eagerly. he was no much a chatter to others but it was different when he's with me. he would talk non-stop and honestly i couldnt undertand most of it. he still had that "baby talk" and often mumbled.

there were times when the parents were busy enough to drop him at his play school. and of course i was called to come over, to get him ready and walk him to school.
getting him into the shower was a challenge since he thought the water would always be icy cold. i had to trick him with stories and finally proved to him that the water was warm enough for a refreshing shower on a winter morning.
after putting layers of clothes....we headed to the school. it was a 15 minutes walk. Hassan was so excited to spend a nice walk with me.

we walked hand in hands. he gripped my left hand. swinging it 180 degrees from time to time. we stopped at the dairy on the way to Fourth Street Play School, Hassan always wanting to buy some lollies for me with a dollar coin his father normally gave to him. i let him chose. Gummy Bear was always his first choice. i took one. the one in green colour. muching it happily just like another 4 year old...what could be better on a sunny winter morning? some gummy bears to chew with a happy boy.

i smile everytime i remember his pink cheeks and adorable small almond shape eyes....held me the wee flower picked from his backyard..

" Kakak..for you.."

"Thank you .."

i replied while kissing him on the cheek.

He was jumping with joy...receiving his first kiss from me.
yes...i received my first flower from a man aged 4 :)

from that moment i was his. No Jamal George could touch me or even Ali Steven.

a year with Hassan was amazingly unforgetable. then i had to come home for good and it meant a GOOD BYE for us..Hassan and Me.

i met Hassan and the family again last 7 years. he turned into a shy 9 year old boy who said few words while his brother Hussien became the chatty one. i dint hear much about them after that.

being bred silver spoon, he could possibly get whatever he wanted but knowing his dad..i'm sure he's not turnning into a spoilt brat.

holding a PR of a foreign country and never been schooled in public mainstream...i assumed he's in one of the prestigious boarding school Deep South. he should be 15 by now... the sweet boy of mine must be a handsome bloke now.

after all those thoughts that brought back my fond memories with him...i believed i could always say, "He was my BoY.."

i couldnt be more happier than that :)