Life is Not aLL aBouT WinninG

why am i saying this? honestly because i think i never won in anything. never been good in competition. never got full marks. never got the 1st place. so..since i never won, does it meant i never lost as well? to not compete means that i neither win nor loose. is it a good thing? well, it depends. some people perform better in a "competition" while others are not. it's like having a pressure to win..for me, i work better with less pressure. takes things easy...saying "i'll get there soon". do i need others to set a goal for me. NOPE! i might not be 100% reliable in setting goals but hey, it's my life, i do get to choose my way..of course with god's will but none other than that.

being to be born with a not-so-competitive nature has pros and cons, especially when surrounded by all those wannabes in dogs eat dogs world. oh well, there's a possibility that i'll be eaten. have to make sure that although i'm not winning..i'll not be eaten..alive!

so this morning when Bintang told me i'm a winner..i kindda jabbed about it thinking that he's always a Jabber who never let me win even in a Snake and Ladder game. huh! Bulan..always win..am I? everytime i lose i'll hope that i'll lose wisely :P

ironically i dont view myself as a winner, not even as a player. but one thing for sure i always try my best..yes MY BEST which could be others' worst..since i'm not competing with others, i'm pretty happy with that.

it's just like pleasing people. if you feel oblige to please people, well..stop doing it. Pleasing others should make you feel pleased too. making people happy should make you happy too. those basic principles work on me. come to think of it, dont you feel pleased seeing them happy? hearing those laughters? looking at their smiles? or even knowing that they are smiling when reading your SMS? i'm strongly against winning people's heart..i rather say..pleasing people's mind

so what if they dont make you happy as you did to them? love is to be given ...not to expect any returns... dont worry if you'll make a person happy and it turn me that he/she makes you the other way around...believe me. there will be others who'll pleased you. So go on..make others happy..make the world smiles with you. go and make suprises!

yes..i love suprises..as much as giving them too...i love the thrill of it..planning and hidding it....till it's time to say SUPRISE!!!!! just imagine those lovely excited eyes...big smiles...adrenalin rush..perhaps i should put my ears on the person chest and hear the heartbeat....just to justify if it beating faster or just at normal rate..

only then i could say "I won!" yes winning those precious smiles, glaring eyes..or if you are lucky enough..you'll get some hugs and kisses as well...dint mean in lusty kindda way..ahhahahaha

ok..Bulan might be winning but she refuses to be awarded with trophy.

"Life is not all about winning...it's about gainning (unlikely about gainning weight..i hope!)"

to be a winner takes a lot of effort..guess im settling down with being a wise loser...what's the point of winning if you are unaware with the purpose of doing things...to be no 1 doesnt mean that you are the best..

go on trying...it's the process of getiing to something is the most important..no matter if you win or lose.

SoMe-Where I BeLoNG?

where do we belong? how do you respond to such question? is it necessary to say that you belong in the place you are born or the place are you residing now? Should we refer it to a "Home" or could it be our workplace, college or an island or even a mall?

for me, i belong where i'm now. so whenever i'm at a place for a long time that particular place should be called "HOME". i think that's the best thing to do although we might be in a place without our willingness and we have no choice. like it or not. i was in such situation for several times. of course i was feeling rather "homesick" but then where is my "home". when i was 17 and was in College..perhaps i could say my parents' are "HOME". then i was flatting with friends by the age of 18. was i refering to the dorm as home whenever i was feeling "homesick"? it doesnt seem right. then i was abroad by the age 20. was homeland as my home, when i was refering to homesick once again? that sound rather broad!td then back "home"..still was feeling homesick..should i say adopted home-sick? was 23 when i started to work in a state deep down south. homesick again. was 28 when i left the job, pack my things, left my comfortable 3 rooms house to share small lil room with a student. again..homesick. 29 yrs young..flatting..not so homesick..31 yrs moved few doors away..this is wat i refer as home now...

i guess..i'm blessed with the ability to adapt myself to a new situation whenever i needed too. being an insignificant introvert doesnt mean that im unable to fit myself in a new community. i think i could even survive in south africa or even siberia. siberia..wow freezing cold..i'll get by it. Big Apple? checked! Tokyo? checked! Casablanca? checked..hehehe the name of casablanca really intriguing. what about Timbuktoo? checked! hehehe not even sure whether i got the name right.

without further ado. i proudly announcing that me "BuLan" capable of adapting myself in any situation..although i might take some time..i believe that we need to make the best out of it..then it be to fun to leave the "was-not-so-interesting" place. experienced it few times. my advice..treat the place you are now as HOME...live like you'll never left.

HideAway

holiday is here and suprisingly i'm not happy about it. the only thing that i looked foward is going back to a place where should be far from hustle busle of city life. since it's festive season. i could not expect my lil hiding place be peaceful. luckily i'm goin to a place which i think be peaceful enough. what's wrong with me? am i socially sceptical? honestly the thoughts of crowded places..traffic jam..people talking loudly already give me a restless feeling.
i know i cant isolate myself. i dont even want to.
2 days are enough for me since everybody are quite busy going here and there. nobody really realise if i exist or not. just my close family and friends. family be at my place on 1st raya. 2nd raya be a gathering with my primary schoolmates. other than that? be at home waiting for the guess. making drinks, cleaning etc.
i'm looking foward to meet my family. that's all. to hang out with them...but i'm sure they'll be busy. perhaps i take some days off next time. just to be with them.
suprisingly, now i'm browsing through websites to beautiful islands. well just in SEA. cant afford to travel far. a place where i'm going to make an official hiding place for me. a place where i can go to whenever i'm feeling like hiding away from people, things...but then, i need to find a safe place for a lady traveller like me since i know there will be times i need to be alone.

ReUnion DiLeMma...BRing & TeLL SessioN

this is the event of the year. yes, every year i have this excited + dork feeling. gosh reunion again! its not about what to wear but it's more like .....answering the same question. "HEy, how many children do you have?" I'm single....oooo sorry. what do they feel sorry for? huh..for me being single or for them to ask such typical question.
it's like a "bring and tell" session. everyone will be waiting to hear and see what you are bringing..

LIL Miss PinKY

wow..i've been wearing pink to work 3 days straight and tomorrow will be another pink. yes, i already ironed my pink batik....sick lil pinky

wHY did tHe cHiCkEN croSS the ROAd?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Caesar:
To come, to see, to conquer.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting ,in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken `crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken '98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Robert Frost:
To cross the road less traveled by.

Mr. T:
If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road too!

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.

COLONEL SANDERS (Famed for Kentucky Fried Chicken): I missed one?

PHYSICIST: Because the chicken's momentum had a positive component towards the other side of the road.

QUANTUM PHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.

MATHEMATICIAN: Because of the intermediate values theorem.

ALGEBRAIC GEOMETRIST: Well, consider a faithfully flat etale coherent sheaf...

C PROGRAMMER: cross_road() was called from get_other_side()

C++ PROGRAMMER: chicken->CrossRoad() was called from chicken->GetOtherSide()

OMAR KHAYYÁM:
I sent my Chicken across the Road,
Some Letter of that Other-side to download:
And by and by my Chicken return'd to me,
And answer'd ``I Myself am Princess and Toad:''

MARKETING DIVISION OF MICROSOFT CORPORATION: Where does your chicken want to go today?

GOETHE: Es irrt das Huhn, solang es die Straße übergeht.

HAMLET:
To cross, or not to cross, that is the question: -
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind, to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous side;
Or to take arms against a road of troubles,
And by crossing end them?

THERMODYNAMIST: Because the pressure of chickens was greater on this side of the road, and the chicken's crossing made the entropy greater.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

DR SEUSS: Did the chick en cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.

Even The Bad Times Are Good

BULAN IS STILL SOBER AFTER LOTS OF DRINKS!!!

i rose lazily from my bed. having this dodgy feeling. yes, blame the monday blues. no, it was not a monday blues for me. it's more like I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE MYSELF kindda day. 2 mins shower was enough. looking at my reflection in the mirror and thinking why the....i was doing this and that. dragging myself to apply thick eyeliner to cover up swollen eyes. putting lil bit blusher to my pale cheeks. there i was, throwing the blanket, towel, nighties all over the floor. finally run down the stairs and got in the car.

life was bad life was sucks..but i need to get going. why should i try to please people when i'm not happy with it? nobody asks me too. i was screaming and shouting silently....just inside me. arriving in the work place, putting my chin up and started my day. it was okay. but hey.....nothing was easy. breaking a promise, hurting people is the least favourite thing to do. however, it's time to stops being an angel and try to please others. why should i feel bad for having the rights to say NO?

finally...the unspoken thoughts were delivered in just a simple sms. instead of having a date with someone i dont really want to meet, i called up the girls and had a blast! was a great girls time.

i guess my day was not pretty bad as it started earlier OR it finally be better. so, which one is true? having to start a day miserably is like a foreshadow that the whole day bad and you'll never be able to do things right..that's what i always thought. but then today i thinks it works differently. YEs Even The Bad Times Are Good!!! if the day doesnt start well, take a time out..chill out. try to cool down. perhaps it's not a bad day after all. find ways to amuse yourself. get some close friends to monkeying around. try to make the best out of the worst.

then before going to bed at night, you'll be able say to yourself..it was not a bad day after all!!!

PerFecTLy ImPeRFeCt LOSER

i was wondering what make someone perfect? what can be worse than an imperfect loser?

Bulan as an InsigniFicant IntroverT

"Hey Bulan! are you alone?" i just nodded my head "i always see you alone, next time give us a call. you can spend lunch break with us". i just answered, "yeah, sure".

it's nothing new, i always on my own and honestly i did not even realise that i'm alone. perhaps i could identify myself as a profound introvert. well, nothing is wrong with that, although it's kindda disturbing when people sharply label me as anti-social. i strongly disagree with that. i am capable of having a social contact in most of the time. it's just i prefer to have my own time, do my things, on my own way..it's like i follow my own way but if others choose the same way. i'll be more than happy.

being an introvert is not a big deal. it doesnt mean that we are passive. believe me, i am an active monkey. i do like being around with others and at the same time, i value the individual private moment. so do we classify an introvert as a loner? noooo..not exactly.

we are not nerds who burry ourselves in book (hehehe..i like the idea though) we do have friends. for me i'm not in a favour of crowded places. i think the most crowded places i ever been were malls and cinemas. otherwise i prefer quieter environment. taking a walk along uncrowded beaches, watching the MooN, gazing at the night sky, counting the stars..pretty serene. huh?

then, i do like to skate, swim, cycle or even bungy jumping again and again (if it's free). hey, the sky diving dream...i was unable to do it during my solo backpacking in NZ..out of budget. sigh!

Bulan is always known as the quiet girl who sits in the corner, without she realising it sometimes. what the heck, she's doing ok. she doesnt talk that much, well only to those she's comfortable with. but once she needed to voice up her opinion...she's doing fine.

there is only and will only be one BULAN...among so many stars..yes perhaps stars are extrovert and again, nothing's wrong with being an extrovert. I do enjoy the company of extroverts. i think they are cool. hey, look at the sky. you'll see many stars but there's this one significant star near the moon. maybe that star is a guidance angel to the moon.the star shines whenever the moon is not at her best time. when the moon is at her brimmest hour, the star will let her be herself...that one particular star i consider as the Bintang. It is Bulan's Bintang :)

BrimFuLL BuLan

Adj. 1. brimfull - filled to capacity; "a brimful cup"; "I am brimful of chowder"; "a child brimming over with curiosity"; "eyes brimming with tears"
brimful, brimming
full - containing as much or as many as is possible or normal; "a full glass"; "a sky full of stars"; "a full life"; "the auditorium was full to overflowing"

it's only 2 straight days of what should i called not-so-tight days but i already feelin such Brimfull. yes i was brimming with legastative consencius, policy, act and bla bla. coping with it is ok. oh well, I'll get by it. that's what i always said to me whenever i'm having all sorts of negative melancholic view in life...

last night was terrible i felt like a 60 year old lady, feeling my limbs all torn into pieces and my head been knocked by a hammer or something. i swear that i rather go straight to bed than eating. but then...the chicken wings were tempting enough. hahaha. what was wrong with me? yes, that shouldnt happen to a person who proudly announcing herself as a restless person. a person who says "Bring it on!" to adventures. " a monkey in disguise" is more like it.

for once in a long time, i was feeling old..older than my age. then, i started to imagine things. hey, still got that part right. hahaha. imaginative Bulan.

what if i wake up frozen in the middle of the night. couldnt move, my fingers, toes are numb? disaster!!!. how could i make a phone call? should i scream for help? perhaps i have no other choice. that's scary. its not too late to learn "how to dial (speed dial) someone with your nose". yeah, you guys probably laughing you heart out. the truth is, it is possible and Useful in emergency. should put BB's numbers and AM's numbers on the 1st 2 lists. Others..maybe arrive late enough to rescue me and i might be dead by that time. Oooo...wait, I need to put my house keys next to my bed too so that i could always find ways to throw it down the window for someone to catch it and open my flat's door. Then, i need a lesson on "How to throw the keys with your nose". that's hilarious but do they have such tips? maybe i should think of one. Ridiculously use-FooL.

oh well, just forget those terrifying imagination and undignified tips. It's time to get back to todays agendas!!!

1. write a report on yesterday's meeting.

2. touch up the JPP meeting.

3. attend a meeting on National Education Policy...

4. go and get ticket for tomorrow's movie...(i love midday shopping..if only i have lots to spend)

5. of course do my revision on....

like Dr.Seuss said "Today was good. Today was fun. Tomorrow is another one".

now here am i. feeling thousand times better. "ready to rumble" attitude is back. all full of life..all fool of fools. "A BRIMFULL DAY' i hope.

Bulan Bintang is definitely NoT a QuiteR...she's a Do-eater!!!!

Bulan says "Bring it On Baby!"

What is "Wrong" then...?

i've been in two meetings on "rights" two days in a row.one was a workshop on the amendement of Child Act 2001 and another 1 is SUHAKAM conference. i had a very deep interest during the workshop. suprisingly, i was not dozing off not even 1 minute. this morning was so-so. maybe because all that i could see was a group of people who's trying to make everything "rights". Child act is different. it's more like a protection act to protect children from misconduct done by mostly adults. only then i was informed that child act and child rights are not the same. however, i strongly into the discussion as a listener. that was my 1st participation so it's good to sit and observe the matters first. i do hope that i'll be more active in the future. hey, i managed to convince this 1 office from the welfare department to give a copy of Child Act 2001...for free of course. it's a good start. Isn't it? plus the UNICEF tag remind me of my dream. To be actively participating in UNICEF and doing good deeds to help the children in the world. Wow! sound impressive enough, a mother Theresa wannabe. mmm..perhaps i'm not as angelic as she was or as financially capable Lady D, the world icon in fighting human poverty...not even Angelina Jolie whos hobby is adopting all sorts colours of babies.

I am Bulan, a dreamer, a pleaser and a forgiver....

ok, lets talk about todays meeting. the suhakam 9th Human Rights Day. the conference was held in Renaissance Hotel. impressive enough plus all those refreshment provided...fasting anyway. there again i could recognise some NGOs and representative from GOs as well. the talks are daunting maybe because not many issues on education been adressed. So i spent 20 mins dozing. hahaha. BUlan is always a Bulan. the conference heated up with Q&A session. all those sensitive issues on religion was address. everyone wants to be "Right" without considering others, religiously, socially or geographically.

people are busy talking about what is right...what about what is wrong? when does a rights turn to be wrong? how do we evaluate "rights"? How do we determine "rights"? and the list goes on and on..

For me, Human rights mean having the rights on certain things without violating others' rights.

THe RoaD NoT TaKeN

TWO roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the other, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black.
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
by Robert Frost

FeeLinG on ToP of the WoRLD

how does it feel being able to climb the highest mountain?

UP to DateS???

i'm not as busy i was before but there are plans to date which i intend to strictly follow. suprisingly the dates are on "Fun Time" not deadlines like it used to be. I guess. Bulan is going to have a Looooong Chill Time!!! GroovY

LOsT in TranSLaTioN

I'm having major changes in my daily job. Time, content and the most disturbing thing is the fact that i need to twist the language back to my 1st language. having to use English to think makes it lil bit tedious to revert back to BM. i'm not saying that i couldnt do it but perhaps it takes more practice than i imagine. now i have to do translation from my 2nd Language to my 1st language. It's irony. isnt it? funnily, i was doing the other way around last 20+ years. struggling to find the right words for my English lesson. and now...i'm struggling still but for my BM report. i could never imagined this before. Two languages are nothing compared to those who are multilingual. i have a friend who is a multilingual. i wonder in what language he normally dreams while sleeping...

WaSte-FooL

"wasteful items should be recyled"

"UniVeRSsaLLY LoNeLy.”

“It is strange to be known so universally and yet to be so lonely.” Albert Einstein

PartinG is Such SweeT SorroW

TamaCan departed on saturday morning, back to his homeland. he'll be back in november and staying a lil bit longer. saying farewell is not a favour to me. honestly,i hate to say good bye. infact depature hall always gave me "butterfly in my stomach" feelings. in my case, the butterfly was always doing somersault.believe me, i felt like vomiting all the time. i'm sure many others feel the same way that i did.

taking a flight normally means that the person is traveling far away. could be to the other side of the earth that we are standing. the verdict is we might or might not see them again. and if we are meant to meet them again in the future, it could take longer. sadly, it always seems forever to me.

but then, why people still choose to send their love ones ? is it just to see them leaving? to me, maybe because i believe that every single seconds means a lot to both of us-the one who is leaving and the one who is being left.

gosh, i dislike watching them boarding, passing the immigration counter, until they fade away from our view.only then, we have to accept, they are GONE!!!! yes, DITTO! out of our sight.

"Don't cry because it's over. Smile because it happened"- Dr. Seuss

Juliet:
'Tis almost morning, I would have thee gone—
And yet no farther than a wan-ton's bird,
That lets it hop a little from his hand,
Like a poor prisoner in his twisted gyves,
And with a silken thread plucks it back again,
So loving-jealous of his liberty.

Romeo:
I would I were thy bird.

Juliet:
Sweet, so would I,
Yet I should kill thee with much cherishing.
Good night, good night! Parting is such sweet sorrow,
That I shall say good night till it be morrow.

GluTtonY or SatiSfacTion?

Buffet is always a waste. i used to like it but now i rather dine ala carte for good reasons. the eating culture is eating us slowly.yeah, all those fattening, cholestrol rich food is not the way to celebrate our victory during Ramadhan. Fasting should teach people to be moderate, considerate but it's the other way around. "Human are becoming health illiterate".

RoaD to FreeDoM

Driving is never been a passion to Me. But sometimes driving with the window down, feeling the cold wind touches my skin makes me feels amazing. making me feeling free, feeling poweful, capable to face any obstacle in life.

A LeaP of JoY

TGIF...horray!!! it's Friday night again. i had a blast. Yes, i was monkeying around.Life is wonder-FooL!!!

TeaRs oF HeaVeaN

I was looking out from the window, watching the raindrops. the sound was so serene and comforting. i wonder if rains are made a blessing or a disaster. the smell of the wet grass after rain is refreshing. somehow i could identify as a unique scent of parfume. Rain is a blessing. could it be tears from heaven? then, what about all those misfortune? flood, landslide...is monsoon season a disaster? Too much or too little of rain do make a different. Rainy days on chilling winter days is definately a least favourite..."Bulan always has lots of questions in her mind".

BedTime StorY

Alice doesnt make sense..but i always like her. i guess, i am Alice in certain ways
reading before sleepin is a habit that i've been keeping since i was younger. reading gives me pleasure, give me freedom. my imagination runs wild once i've buried my face in the book. Books brought me to all sort of places, meeting all sorts of people. just name it...Charlie, Anna, Dorothy...or even a doll with one eye. it's good to dream, to have some lil space to dream although you know once you wake up, it's gone.

a RooM with a View

i like to stand near the balcony and look around

SmaRtieS

sometimes i wonder how should a smart person look like
what about stupid people?

a Sensible BuLan in a Nonsensible Notion

nonsense vs commonsense

My name is Bulan

my name is bulan