Who am I?

I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!

life is....

its daunting when life doesnt seemed to move the way you expect it to be. there you are still the same you in indifference situation which you rather not talk about. you wish that there is a big hole to jump into and dissapear from others. you wish the world stop moving till you finally okay. all those wishes are better left alone since you realise life goes on and you must be brave enough to face it..unwillingly. what if the life is full of craps that you yourself created..trigger until at one point you could deal no more. then there you are finding yourself on an intersection of a road when you need to choose only 1. yess..hell with the "the Road Not Taken". it's all about which road should be taken? unfortunately you are standing by the road too long till time running out...leaving you feeling more confused

44 pairs of SHOES

no kidding! my saturday night was a heaven (wink*wink*) to make it perfect...i had the most intriguing dream ever. yes! i dreamt that i had 44 pairs of shoes. what could that mean? meaning that i will have 44 pairs...or perhaps it's time to ditch all those worn off and broken shoes..and bought another 10 pairs or more? am i a shopperholics? a compulsive shopper? No..not at all. it just that i have this soft spot for shoes..you named it, flat shoes, high heels, mary jane, canvas, trainers, thongs, flipflos, open toe, kitten heels, boots...i have almost all

why ladies are labeled as a compulsive shopper? why cant term like active consumer is used? after all, we are contribute generous percentage to economy globally. RITE? RITE!

Life is Not aLL aBouT WinninG

why am i saying this? honestly because i think i never won in anything. never been good in competition. never got full marks. never got the 1st place. so..since i never won, does it meant i never lost as well? to not compete means that i neither win nor loose. is it a good thing? well, it depends. some people perform better in a "competition" while others are not. it's like having a pressure to win..for me, i work better with less pressure. takes things easy...saying "i'll get there soon". do i need others to set a goal for me. NOPE! i might not be 100% reliable in setting goals but hey, it's my life, i do get to choose my way..of course with god's will but none other than that.

being to be born with a not-so-competitive nature has pros and cons, especially when surrounded by all those wannabes in dogs eat dogs world. oh well, there's a possibility that i'll be eaten. have to make sure that although i'm not winning..i'll not be eaten..alive!

so this morning when Bintang told me i'm a winner..i kindda jabbed about it thinking that he's always a Jabber who never let me win even in a Snake and Ladder game. huh! Bulan..always win..am I? everytime i lose i'll hope that i'll lose wisely :P

ironically i dont view myself as a winner, not even as a player. but one thing for sure i always try my best..yes MY BEST which could be others' worst..since i'm not competing with others, i'm pretty happy with that.

it's just like pleasing people. if you feel oblige to please people, well..stop doing it. Pleasing others should make you feel pleased too. making people happy should make you happy too. those basic principles work on me. come to think of it, dont you feel pleased seeing them happy? hearing those laughters? looking at their smiles? or even knowing that they are smiling when reading your SMS? i'm strongly against winning people's heart..i rather say..pleasing people's mind

so what if they dont make you happy as you did to them? love is to be given ...not to expect any returns... dont worry if you'll make a person happy and it turn me that he/she makes you the other way around...believe me. there will be others who'll pleased you. So go on..make others happy..make the world smiles with you. go and make suprises!

yes..i love suprises..as much as giving them too...i love the thrill of it..planning and hidding it....till it's time to say SUPRISE!!!!! just imagine those lovely excited eyes...big smiles...adrenalin rush..perhaps i should put my ears on the person chest and hear the heartbeat....just to justify if it beating faster or just at normal rate..

only then i could say "I won!" yes winning those precious smiles, glaring eyes..or if you are lucky enough..you'll get some hugs and kisses as well...dint mean in lusty kindda way..ahhahahaha

ok..Bulan might be winning but she refuses to be awarded with trophy.

"Life is not all about winning...it's about gainning (unlikely about gainning weight..i hope!)"

to be a winner takes a lot of effort..guess im settling down with being a wise loser...what's the point of winning if you are unaware with the purpose of doing things...to be no 1 doesnt mean that you are the best..

go on trying...it's the process of getiing to something is the most important..no matter if you win or lose.

SoMe-Where I BeLoNG?

where do we belong? how do you respond to such question? is it necessary to say that you belong in the place you are born or the place are you residing now? Should we refer it to a "Home" or could it be our workplace, college or an island or even a mall?

for me, i belong where i'm now. so whenever i'm at a place for a long time that particular place should be called "HOME". i think that's the best thing to do although we might be in a place without our willingness and we have no choice. like it or not. i was in such situation for several times. of course i was feeling rather "homesick" but then where is my "home". when i was 17 and was in College..perhaps i could say my parents' are "HOME". then i was flatting with friends by the age of 18. was i refering to the dorm as home whenever i was feeling "homesick"? it doesnt seem right. then i was abroad by the age 20. was homeland as my home, when i was refering to homesick once again? that sound rather broad!td then back "home"..still was feeling homesick..should i say adopted home-sick? was 23 when i started to work in a state deep down south. homesick again. was 28 when i left the job, pack my things, left my comfortable 3 rooms house to share small lil room with a student. again..homesick. 29 yrs young..flatting..not so homesick..31 yrs moved few doors away..this is wat i refer as home now...

i guess..i'm blessed with the ability to adapt myself to a new situation whenever i needed too. being an insignificant introvert doesnt mean that im unable to fit myself in a new community. i think i could even survive in south africa or even siberia. siberia..wow freezing cold..i'll get by it. Big Apple? checked! Tokyo? checked! Casablanca? checked..hehehe the name of casablanca really intriguing. what about Timbuktoo? checked! hehehe not even sure whether i got the name right.

without further ado. i proudly announcing that me "BuLan" capable of adapting myself in any situation..although i might take some time..i believe that we need to make the best out of it..then it be to fun to leave the "was-not-so-interesting" place. experienced it few times. my advice..treat the place you are now as HOME...live like you'll never left.

HideAway

holiday is here and suprisingly i'm not happy about it. the only thing that i looked foward is going back to a place where should be far from hustle busle of city life. since it's festive season. i could not expect my lil hiding place be peaceful. luckily i'm goin to a place which i think be peaceful enough. what's wrong with me? am i socially sceptical? honestly the thoughts of crowded places..traffic jam..people talking loudly already give me a restless feeling.
i know i cant isolate myself. i dont even want to.
2 days are enough for me since everybody are quite busy going here and there. nobody really realise if i exist or not. just my close family and friends. family be at my place on 1st raya. 2nd raya be a gathering with my primary schoolmates. other than that? be at home waiting for the guess. making drinks, cleaning etc.
i'm looking foward to meet my family. that's all. to hang out with them...but i'm sure they'll be busy. perhaps i take some days off next time. just to be with them.
suprisingly, now i'm browsing through websites to beautiful islands. well just in SEA. cant afford to travel far. a place where i'm going to make an official hiding place for me. a place where i can go to whenever i'm feeling like hiding away from people, things...but then, i need to find a safe place for a lady traveller like me since i know there will be times i need to be alone.

ReUnion DiLeMma...BRing & TeLL SessioN

this is the event of the year. yes, every year i have this excited + dork feeling. gosh reunion again! its not about what to wear but it's more like .....answering the same question. "HEy, how many children do you have?" I'm single....oooo sorry. what do they feel sorry for? huh..for me being single or for them to ask such typical question.
it's like a "bring and tell" session. everyone will be waiting to hear and see what you are bringing..