for me.i always defined better as ...to compare myself with my previous self during previous years with the present self. so there are better n worse things. i would love to compare myself with others but believe me, comparing myself with others never made me feel better but rather worse. you know why?
because i always view others' life as better than mine. one gud thing is i dont look at others' bad side...so thats the reason i hate to compare.
this time i'm going to talk about single hood in my society. to give "better" explanation about it according to my"rotten" dictionary.
let see, as a female adult in a society where marriage is viewed as an achievement..i always left with feelin less better. truth is i'm tired of these courting games..
wat do they expect? me talking about cooking? i like coOking but hey...it's just wat we do to live. almost all people do it. i never been good in it. so-so only. gardening? believe me...talkin to plants is my expertise..just that they dont listen to me THAT much. children? i dont have to show off how good i am with those muchkins. i do read children's mind..im more like a child myself sometimes. do they want me to make a public announcement that I'm not against polygamy? get a life....im not goin to preach about how good i am?..dont have to. dont want to.
so put iT this way...i'm not against courting but there are times in my life i feel like takin a break from those games..its like rewinding a tape.. the introduction side again and again. or to be more high tech conscious...i should perhaps takin ipod with me n just play the recorded mp3 on "myself" while i could do some other thing else like eating..drinking..or just excuse myself to the ladies till the recorded voice done.
mmm...some will fall in love with me in less than 2 seconds..thinking that i'm such a goddess...funny!...some wish that they never met she-thinks-she's-smart lady like me. their lost anyway!
i had such conversation with my prof as many times as i could recall where she kept on saying again and again about how could a person like me still single?and how she wish she has someone decent to introduce to me...hahahaha..if she gave me rm10 every time she's making this statement. i'll be rich by now..at least motivate me to set appointment with her more often. but nil.. i rather settle for good discussion about my research so that she stays quiet about my life. which rarely happened.
yes..she thinks i'm cool...a package...watever!
if i'm a package..i'm sure a heavy one and the more weight..the extra cost..lousy idea but kindda like it.
then she started to ramble about :
guys wanted a smart lady as a partner but yet need her to act stupid in front of him.
a career lady but must be able to handle all domestic matters...perfectly!
must look as beautiful as miss universe but not given any personal allowance for beautification..tough!!!!
yes..i once rejected a guy who proposed to me because i have secure job..why? i hate workin and im supposed my husband should provide me the financial stability not me for him. i always dream being a Queen in a Palace of my own :)
- "You are smart, have a good secure job"..you are stupid and have an insecure job..take a hike!
- "hey..you'll look better if you wear braces..." again ..past
- "how do you get the job in your devison?" interview.next question please?..
- "See..my research is never done in the country before" cool..so go back and apply it in your blue planet.
- "Even prophet Muhammad was younger than Siti Khadijah". Clear enough..you are not Him and i'm not Her.
- "i saw you 3 times walking around the campus. could we get married tomorrow?"..wat the.....
- "wat car are you driving now?" none of ur bisnes!
- "i heard you could easily apply for loan nowadays" NO thx..i dont want you even F.O.C !
- "whose turn to pay this time?" yours..yours...and always yours
- "I like tall girl". I hate short guy
- " you should lower your expectation" yes..and i think you should too..so find someone suits u...;0
- "do you cook everyday" i have cooks to cook for me (in various restaurants)
- "please accept my proposal, if not i'll take the pill" let me add liquid pesticide for you to drink with.
- "see..i love you so much..it just that my family has arranged me to marry my brother's friend's sister's grandma's uncle's son's daughter's cousin's niece's grandpa's father's sister-in-law's mother's neighbour's teacher's best friend's cat's little sister". i guess i could never been accepted in the "HeLLo kitty" clan after all :(
- "dont worry they are just flings..i'll definitely marry you" DUSH!!!!! a punch on the face..and DUSH!!!...another one!
okay..okay i'll stop listing the "says" said by the males.
twice my dear friend Sam said how do i feel to still stay single when others who are unglier (i dint say that..he did!) are happily married? married..i agreed but happy is too personal for me to evaluate. i was like telling him...SHUT UP!!!! what's ur point? as if you r married..he probably says..i'm different...come to think of it. yes..he's life is far more complicated than mine..better i regard him as a "lady" friend giving ladies' advice.
if i wanted to get married i must have done it last 10 years. i must have half dozen of children by now..happy? mmmm....not sure. could at least try.
so what ever it is..i just want to be happy...if im single..a happy single...married..happily married
being happy is the most important thing in life..
its not my fault for unsuccessfully fit in the stereotype in the society. I fail in feedin people's mind with all those "junks" beliefs about marriage...it's not my fault if i chose not to end up sharing my precious happy life with a jerk. Yes..some probably will say that i couldnt make it through in the love department so i need to show that i'm successful in the career department. mmm....not that i need to show but since i dont have such commitment..so what else should i do instead of WORK & HAVE FUN!!!!
call me fragile...weak..vulnerable..i always believe that it's important to make my own judgment in matter like this. people will be happy to see me getting married but will be they be there if i'm sad?
they'll laugh :0 with me but i doubt they'll cry :( with me too.
i normally dont bother those comments given by others but when some close friends said that...it's a bit of hell since i always think they always regard me as a person not just "all-i-want-to-do is-to-get married" individual. Friends and Family are my strengths..without them, i'm lost
if people think that i'll be better if im married..that's merely their personal opinion and i should respect that. however, when they go overboard..i should learn ways to cut their words short.
Are people talking about marriage as a spiritual communion of two people or purely the physical part of it?..shall i spell the S word? duh!!!
better or not ......i never fit in the "typical"society of mine...do i wish to live somewhere else...yes..but not because of wat others said but because i always feel awkward no matter where i am..so it wouldnt be much problem for me to fit in foreign country because i'm always "foreign". since i'm always foreigner so might as well i go and travel the world :) make a good use of it.
what could be worse than feelin foreign in your own country although being a foreigner in a foreign country will never be better..but you can always say "I am a foreigner"..so that will make excuses easier whenever people are staring at you ..or failed to understand you...or defined you differently
a good and long sigh should be this way
life goeeeeeeeeessssssssss onnnnnnnn.....
- full stop (only when you are dead)