the school was super quiet..amazing! in fact this is the second "peaceful" school i ever entered.. the first one was the school near by flat..which i went to with the intentention of carrying my m.ed research but was rejected by the principal with the reason that i might disturb the teaching & learning process..(no wonder...)
back to school no 3...so i immediately could assume what culture the school has. however, the principal is a bubbly and cheerful lady. the senior assistant is an efficient Lady..i repeat LADY..it's a girls school and i think 90% of the population, including staffs are female. i was informed that the school has a god academic record. so, no wonder..everything seemed to be neatly organized.
officer no 1 was with me for less than 30 minutes and i was glad for that. a teacher came to accompany me to the test room. all 29 nervous looking girls were waiting for me. it took me less than 10 minutes to briefly explain about the test. the teacher helped me to distribute the booklets, so things went really smooth. she looked surprised when i told her to leave me with the students and she could just continue doing her work.
"do you want to wait here for 2 hours?" i said, "yes..that's why i'm here". make me wonder, what is so weird about that. i was there to administer the test so..i'm supposed to sit in the room and wait for the students to finish it..rite?
yes, nothing to do..so i took my novel out. i'm not sure whether that was rite or not..but come to think about it..it's better than leaving them with their own teacher..it doesnt seem valid..mmmm
the test started 10 minutes earlier, so it finished 10.50 am. the students went for their break and be in the room again by 1020.
the teacher came and invited me for a refreshment..wow, just what i was thinking last night..chicken rice. yummy. the principal joined us later but i had to excuse myself to start the questionnaire part. easy ..some students completed it very fast and less questions asked compared to the previous schools.
12.20pm..i was all packed to go back to hotel..well, not after meeting the principal for the school questionnaire. there she was..checking the well-typed answers..impressive! then she went on and on about education..and started to ask issues related to educational policy after knowing that i am from the policy unit..o..o please dont ask me questions on specific education system..even worse, asking questions based on education act. i havent mastered anything...i nearly choked...luckily i just knew how to look smart...hahahaha. my brain is full of crapss..as my honey star said.."your brain is like a zoo". yes rite! somehow i managed to prove there's a tiny faculty of sensible knowledge in this "zoo" :P
my ride was on time and i reached the hotel earlier than before.
a phrase to describe my day GIRLS RULE!!!!
my writing is full of spelling, grammatical mistake..sorry, i'll get back to it later. just need to record it at the moment before the animals in the "zoo" eating all those memory..i need to sleep early. tomorrow be another prestigious school. well, that i was told.
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Tuesday, July 27, 2010
SchooL No 2
there i was at the lobby waiting for my lift and like i guessed they were late. gosh! i hate it when they said "Malaysian time" hello! what do you mean by "Malaysian time"? i thought we are from the same time zone. grow up..stop using such excuse for being late.
finally the state department SUV parked at the front entrance. there were driver 2 and officer 2. the officer got down from the SUV and carried my "box". then, we went to the school no 1 which slightly out of the town, a rural school. we had to pass the small crowded road till we arrived in a quieter small road. i could see the vegetable farms along the small road. a scenery that i definitely missing in my recent life.
my mobile rang and it was the school coordinator in school no 2. i had no choice but to apologise for being late, yes i promised him to be there by 8..now..it's 845...it was almost 9 when we reached the school. officer no 2 asked the driver to carry the "box" up to the office. what? there he was talking non stop. bla bla bla
the senior assistant turned to be his old colleague. so there they were "catching up" i was almost shouting "HEY..i have job here!" but of course i dint..i handed the school questionnaire to the senior assistant since the principal was not around. he was about to pass the booklet to another teacher..then, i had to say that he had to answer it...mmm..honestly, im not sure he really complete it by himself or not.
back to my story, i was leaving the office and about to carry my "box" when officer 2 told me..let the school assistant carry that. i was surprised...hey the box was not heavy at all. cant you just carry that and i could start my work. what a waste of time..so two school asistant came to carry that one box. hahaha.
lucky enough to see the students all ready with their stationary but i had to instruct them to go and get their calculator from the class. the school coordinator was really helpful. helping distributing the booklets which took some time since each students were assigned different booklet.
the test started...and suddenly officer no 2 appeared out of nowhere, inviting me for breakfast. i declined the invitation since i had my dinner at 7.15 "my time". he was persuasive..i told him i need to invigilate the test. "dont be so tight..just leave it to the coordinator" i almost argued with him..then the school coordinator approached me and said, "just go madam..it's an honoured". so i said okay.
i was restless in the canteen. i sipped the tea and excused myself. hurgh.what a relief. it's not about being afraid to bent the rule..but it's my responsibility. i'm paid monthly..and this is part of my job. before i left the canteen, officer 2 constantly asking me if i wanted to eat durian or not. i told him no thanks..i'm not a great fan of the torny fruit after all. he insisted.."whatever..just tell me that you are the one who wanted to eat the fruit" i left him and back to the test room. i told the school coordinator to leave me with the students.
officer no 2 was out of the side..so i could just do my work without people ridicule me for being too "discipline"..what a dork!
after the last session..when i was giving some students extra time to complete their questionnaires..officer 2 appeared out of no where..again with his durian agenda. i told him i had to stay and wait for the students to finally done...
then..lunch time, 3 other teachers joined us plus the driver. so there were the durians..i had some and of course officer 2 had more. he was dozing all the way back..
huh..what a scum! i'm glad to know that he wont be accompanying me tomorrow. honestly, i dont need any "escort"..just a lift forth and back to the schools..i'm fine with that..
to the students..well done! some of them tried their best to complete the questionnaires :)
although i think..it was not right for the senior assistant to tell them that...those good ones will be sent to australia for next PISA project..i hate it when adults are making fun of the innocent kids.
hope tomorrow be better..
finally the state department SUV parked at the front entrance. there were driver 2 and officer 2. the officer got down from the SUV and carried my "box". then, we went to the school no 1 which slightly out of the town, a rural school. we had to pass the small crowded road till we arrived in a quieter small road. i could see the vegetable farms along the small road. a scenery that i definitely missing in my recent life.
my mobile rang and it was the school coordinator in school no 2. i had no choice but to apologise for being late, yes i promised him to be there by 8..now..it's 845...it was almost 9 when we reached the school. officer no 2 asked the driver to carry the "box" up to the office. what? there he was talking non stop. bla bla bla
the senior assistant turned to be his old colleague. so there they were "catching up" i was almost shouting "HEY..i have job here!" but of course i dint..i handed the school questionnaire to the senior assistant since the principal was not around. he was about to pass the booklet to another teacher..then, i had to say that he had to answer it...mmm..honestly, im not sure he really complete it by himself or not.
back to my story, i was leaving the office and about to carry my "box" when officer 2 told me..let the school assistant carry that. i was surprised...hey the box was not heavy at all. cant you just carry that and i could start my work. what a waste of time..so two school asistant came to carry that one box. hahaha.
lucky enough to see the students all ready with their stationary but i had to instruct them to go and get their calculator from the class. the school coordinator was really helpful. helping distributing the booklets which took some time since each students were assigned different booklet.
the test started...and suddenly officer no 2 appeared out of nowhere, inviting me for breakfast. i declined the invitation since i had my dinner at 7.15 "my time". he was persuasive..i told him i need to invigilate the test. "dont be so tight..just leave it to the coordinator" i almost argued with him..then the school coordinator approached me and said, "just go madam..it's an honoured". so i said okay.
i was restless in the canteen. i sipped the tea and excused myself. hurgh.what a relief. it's not about being afraid to bent the rule..but it's my responsibility. i'm paid monthly..and this is part of my job. before i left the canteen, officer 2 constantly asking me if i wanted to eat durian or not. i told him no thanks..i'm not a great fan of the torny fruit after all. he insisted.."whatever..just tell me that you are the one who wanted to eat the fruit" i left him and back to the test room. i told the school coordinator to leave me with the students.
officer no 2 was out of the side..so i could just do my work without people ridicule me for being too "discipline"..what a dork!
after the last session..when i was giving some students extra time to complete their questionnaires..officer 2 appeared out of no where..again with his durian agenda. i told him i had to stay and wait for the students to finally done...
then..lunch time, 3 other teachers joined us plus the driver. so there were the durians..i had some and of course officer 2 had more. he was dozing all the way back..
huh..what a scum! i'm glad to know that he wont be accompanying me tomorrow. honestly, i dont need any "escort"..just a lift forth and back to the schools..i'm fine with that..
to the students..well done! some of them tried their best to complete the questionnaires :)
although i think..it was not right for the senior assistant to tell them that...those good ones will be sent to australia for next PISA project..i hate it when adults are making fun of the innocent kids.
hope tomorrow be better..
SchooL No 1
today is my second day in Alor Setar. i went to 2 schools to administer the test. the students were great, teachers too. i'm feeling like an important person when the driver picked me every morning from the hotel and an officer would surely accompanied me each day. well, thanks.
yesterday was what i called a "professional" treatment and i was pretty much grateful for that. the officer who accompanied me approached me at the lobby and carried my "test" box. it was not that heavy but hey..i had to push a heavy load trolley down the basement back in my division with no help.so, i was glad to have someone to do that for me. hehehe. the principal welcome me and left me with the senior assistant. she helped me to distribute the booklet to the students and i excused her to leave me invigilating the test. nothing much to be done..i just sat there and walked around once awhile. the state officer left for another school to do his task. i was more than happy to be left alone.
i had no problem with the students except that some of the items in the questionnaire which confused some of them. 12.30 pm, i was all ready, packed my "box" and there, the state officer came to "pick" me. LOL..the driver was not in sight..i went to the office to collect the questionnaire from the principal, unfortunately...she's not in the office.
"madam...please join me for lunch in the school canteen"
yikes! me? madam? hahaha..my boss used to yell my name BULANnnnnn..whenever she dint see me lingering around..
i was having lunch while the driver arrived and joined us.
"where is the questionnaire?" the principal had not completed the questionnaire. great! 4 hours and i had to wait more.
so there was me with the principal, Senior assistant..talking about schools, students, teachers and education system..wow, i am a "pro" after all :)
"when is this lady going to stop talking?
she went on and on..complaining about teachers. huh! once i interrupted her by saying," maybe, you are giving so much pressure to your teachers..perhaps lessen their workload will improve their performance".
of course she was defending herself.
well, i couldnt say more because i never been a part of the school community after all. i had to agree to some of her points.
it's sad to know some teachers have no interest in teaching at all. to be a teacher, ones need to have the "soul". teacher is a friend, mother, father, sister. dont call yourself a teacher if you never worried about a student's life. i think a teacher will never blame a student for failing, he/she should reflect on the teaching..trying to figure out if the student is having other problem...before labeling them plain lazy
to the teachers, students of SchooL No 1..thank you
and of course mr driver 1 and mr state officer 1
yesterday was what i called a "professional" treatment and i was pretty much grateful for that. the officer who accompanied me approached me at the lobby and carried my "test" box. it was not that heavy but hey..i had to push a heavy load trolley down the basement back in my division with no help.so, i was glad to have someone to do that for me. hehehe. the principal welcome me and left me with the senior assistant. she helped me to distribute the booklet to the students and i excused her to leave me invigilating the test. nothing much to be done..i just sat there and walked around once awhile. the state officer left for another school to do his task. i was more than happy to be left alone.
i had no problem with the students except that some of the items in the questionnaire which confused some of them. 12.30 pm, i was all ready, packed my "box" and there, the state officer came to "pick" me. LOL..the driver was not in sight..i went to the office to collect the questionnaire from the principal, unfortunately...she's not in the office.
"madam...please join me for lunch in the school canteen"
yikes! me? madam? hahaha..my boss used to yell my name BULANnnnnn..whenever she dint see me lingering around..
i was having lunch while the driver arrived and joined us.
"where is the questionnaire?" the principal had not completed the questionnaire. great! 4 hours and i had to wait more.
so there was me with the principal, Senior assistant..talking about schools, students, teachers and education system..wow, i am a "pro" after all :)
"when is this lady going to stop talking?
she went on and on..complaining about teachers. huh! once i interrupted her by saying," maybe, you are giving so much pressure to your teachers..perhaps lessen their workload will improve their performance".
of course she was defending herself.
well, i couldnt say more because i never been a part of the school community after all. i had to agree to some of her points.
it's sad to know some teachers have no interest in teaching at all. to be a teacher, ones need to have the "soul". teacher is a friend, mother, father, sister. dont call yourself a teacher if you never worried about a student's life. i think a teacher will never blame a student for failing, he/she should reflect on the teaching..trying to figure out if the student is having other problem...before labeling them plain lazy
to the teachers, students of SchooL No 1..thank you
and of course mr driver 1 and mr state officer 1
Friday, July 23, 2010
I HATE DRIVING!!!
tomorrow i'll be heading north..not looking forward to it but..i do look forward to go to school AGAIN!
i love school..as a teacher :)
i cant imagine driving that far..the furthest i ever drove was from Kota tinggi to Machang which is around 608km in 11 hours. it was like driving from Singapore up to Thailand. NO highway..it took such hours to reach my hometown and i would normally get so tired once i arrived. the worst part was..feeling like i was still driving even in my sleep. huh!
i said to myself, "there's no way im driving that far again.. alone with no co-driver just "sleeping partners"!!!".
but it's happening tomorrow. im taking 2 "sleeping partners" somehow i do hope that they take turns to sleep. at least one will keep me entertained..
luckily, my research will be assisted by the state department officer and they'll provide a driver to take me to the four schools..meaning i dont have to cramp my head with all those routes and getting lost in the middle of nowhere. hey, suddenly, i'm feelin like an important person. LOL, truth is im nobody, just had to push a trolley full of research materials down to the basement..almost stuck between the heavy door..yikes!
maybe i am after all, being stuck in the office frozen my brain..so time to go out and melt it...just to the normal temperature..to activate those precious brain cells that almost die in the cold air-conditioned 10 storeys building..
i need to sleep now..i have a long journey..let see..perhaps 400+ KM to drive..
highway could be boring!
not much of editing done to the map. i am lousy in this pic editing :P
Kajang-Kulim-Alor Setar-Grik-Machang-Kajang
total KM
372 + 108 + 144 + 158 + 391
approximately 1173KM
i love school..as a teacher :)
i cant imagine driving that far..the furthest i ever drove was from Kota tinggi to Machang which is around 608km in 11 hours. it was like driving from Singapore up to Thailand. NO highway..it took such hours to reach my hometown and i would normally get so tired once i arrived. the worst part was..feeling like i was still driving even in my sleep. huh!
i said to myself, "there's no way im driving that far again.. alone with no co-driver just "sleeping partners"!!!".
but it's happening tomorrow. im taking 2 "sleeping partners" somehow i do hope that they take turns to sleep. at least one will keep me entertained..
luckily, my research will be assisted by the state department officer and they'll provide a driver to take me to the four schools..meaning i dont have to cramp my head with all those routes and getting lost in the middle of nowhere. hey, suddenly, i'm feelin like an important person. LOL, truth is im nobody, just had to push a trolley full of research materials down to the basement..almost stuck between the heavy door..yikes!
maybe i am after all, being stuck in the office frozen my brain..so time to go out and melt it...just to the normal temperature..to activate those precious brain cells that almost die in the cold air-conditioned 10 storeys building..
i need to sleep now..i have a long journey..let see..perhaps 400+ KM to drive..
highway could be boring!
not much of editing done to the map. i am lousy in this pic editing :PKajang-Kulim-Alor Setar-Grik-Machang-Kajang
total KM
372 + 108 + 144 + 158 + 391
approximately 1173KM
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
BuLaN is....
i hate it when i have a lot to write and dont know what to write first and i end up not writing anything..or worse...writing junks like this..
lets write something briefly,what's going on with my life now?
still stuck in a job that i x really favour
still staying at the same my family's flat for free, with my super nice housemate, Harumi and a bro who comes home only whenever he wanted..
the two rabbits are still with me but i need to give it to Taheerah by next weekend. hey, it's a shared custody LOL plus i'll be off to collect data for an international study. wohooo..cool
but then, how am i suppose to drive up north for more 300KM alone. sicko..I HATE DRIVING.
so my solution is to take my "super cool" housemate Harumi..and invited my "super nice" niece. hahaha, so it's going to be a road trip after all. i'll be leaving two days earlier...hahaha, talking for not being late. actually i'll be stopping at an old friend's house on the way to collect my first data. i'll be around the state for 4 days and off to my hometown. so, it's going to be another 300+ KM. i'll be having a "meeting" to sit and discuss about upcoming event. while im there, i need to submit whatever forms, letters needed for the event. looking forward for it BUT my stay will not be purely holiday. i'll be working. collecting data in two different locations in two days..and back to where i'm residing now... so be back in office by 5 August...will have a lunch with my workmates..that i needed to arrange before off to north..yikes! my boss keeps on changing date..
so i guess that's about it. the updates on bulan's life.
wait, i forgot to mention earlier we went for HIV test yesterday..negative, so time to proceed with the next step..Insyallah things will be as we wanted it to be :P pray hard for it.
however, IT'S GOOD TO END SUCH RAMBLINGS WITH HAPPY THOUGHTS..dont u simply love happy ending? well..I DO
i think..i'll hit the bed with my book n..of course warm milk :)
lets write something briefly,what's going on with my life now?still stuck in a job that i x really favour
still staying at the same my family's flat for free, with my super nice housemate, Harumi and a bro who comes home only whenever he wanted..
the two rabbits are still with me but i need to give it to Taheerah by next weekend. hey, it's a shared custody LOL plus i'll be off to collect data for an international study. wohooo..cool
but then, how am i suppose to drive up north for more 300KM alone. sicko..I HATE DRIVING.
so my solution is to take my "super cool" housemate Harumi..and invited my "super nice" niece. hahaha, so it's going to be a road trip after all. i'll be leaving two days earlier...hahaha, talking for not being late. actually i'll be stopping at an old friend's house on the way to collect my first data. i'll be around the state for 4 days and off to my hometown. so, it's going to be another 300+ KM. i'll be having a "meeting" to sit and discuss about upcoming event. while im there, i need to submit whatever forms, letters needed for the event. looking forward for it BUT my stay will not be purely holiday. i'll be working. collecting data in two different locations in two days..and back to where i'm residing now... so be back in office by 5 August...will have a lunch with my workmates..that i needed to arrange before off to north..yikes! my boss keeps on changing date..
so i guess that's about it. the updates on bulan's life.
wait, i forgot to mention earlier we went for HIV test yesterday..negative, so time to proceed with the next step..Insyallah things will be as we wanted it to be :P pray hard for it.
however, IT'S GOOD TO END SUCH RAMBLINGS WITH HAPPY THOUGHTS..dont u simply love happy ending? well..I DOi think..i'll hit the bed with my book n..of course warm milk :)
Monday, July 12, 2010
I PROMISE TO DRINK MILK EVERYDAY
i'm not a big fan of milk especially powdered milk. fresh is good but it's a bit expensive and always goes stale in my fridge. lazy lazy me :P
honestly, the reason for me to drink milk was to get ready for pregnancy in the future although at that time i didnt even receive any proposal. now, i'm sticking to the same reason.
i got this idea that when a mother is pregnant, the baby is taking all the calcium it needs to build bones from her. so the mother needs to have sufficient calcium intake for herself and plus the baby...and then when the mother doesnt have enough calcium for lil baby..it will "suck" (a very intriguing word) whatever it needs from mommy's bones..including teeth..ouch. can you imagine that? bad bad lil baby...poor big mommy but she'll sacrifice for the sake of lil baby..
hey, i hate going to a dentist, let alone having toothache. the worst is that the mother cant just go to the dentist and pull her teeth out..so she must bear with it till lil baby has enough calcium for itself...
i dont know if this is true or not but it's good to take precaution..milk is always good for us..pregnant or not.
so...im saying..DRINK MILK NOW...NO REGRET!
Saturday, July 10, 2010
i'm feeLing...
im feeling all goeey, giddy, wobbly...watever ..u named it. whenever i'm nervous..my stomach aches. huh! i think i need to pray that i'll be all okay..im super excited but super nervous too..
i am ready but...ouch my stomach aches again..what a funny girl!
i am ready but...ouch my stomach aches again..what a funny girl!
Friday, July 9, 2010
Wake UP SLeePy HeaD!!!
i hate it when feeling sleepy and all those dodgy..huhuh..today is friday and im totally excited thinking..yeah tomorrow i gotta..mmm..what i'll be doing?
ok..let me list down, just to kill this sleepiness.
ok..let me list down, just to kill this sleepiness.
- i NEED to dust the fan..freaking DusTy-DONE
- mop the floor-DONE
- dust the shelves-DONE
- clean the fridge..trash away all those expired stuff :P-DONE..well, Harumi did it
- let the rabbits out-DONE, but at the laundrette only
- wash my clothes-DONE
- iron working clothes for next week
- call Taheerah and have a SPA-ing date?-she's out of the town for the weekend
- fold the dried clothes-DONE
- organise my bookshelf-A BIT
- cook lemon chicken..hahahahah just came into my mind-DONT FEEL LIKE EATING IT
- go to Nadia's in Cheras and pick up the cookies
- change my bedsheet-DONE
- wash the curtain-DONE
- light the aromatherapy candle
- on the salt mineral lamp
- plant new plants
- take the rabbits for walk
- wash the rabbits' feet
- clean the rabbits
- read my book
- do some revision..tajweed alert!!!
- call up Leena for drinks?
Wednesday, July 7, 2010
BuLan needs to do REVISION
i'm starting my lesson again next week..yippie. all excited but i need to do revision. i think i'll go gogo gaga again..adoi!
after sister solehah back to her varsity i couldnt get any replacement. too bad, sister jannah couldnt teach me and only told me the very last minute when i was expecting her to come over in less than 3 hours. owwwh..i was all set, waiting eagerly for my new teacher.
sister solehah was not informed about the cancellation as well. i contacted her and she promised to find a new replacement. she felt responsible to get a new teacher for me. she's such a god and knowledgeable young lady. i respected her as a teacher although she is far more younger than me. she's so adorable and surprisingly, she is an anime fan. Sometimes, she stayed for a while after lesson to chat with Harumi about Japan or just to play with the rabbits. well..a girl is always a girl.
i missed my lesson for a week and now that i got new replacement again. her name is Noura. i havent met her, i just called her and talked to her over the phone. sister solehah recommended her. im glad that it dint take that long for me to start again.
i was a bit frustrated before since im unable to continue the lesson immediately for it's okay..it's time of the month anyway..still sister solehah would come and we had general discussion on certain topic..either my choice or hers. gosh! i did ask lots of questions..hahaha. she never hesitated to give answers.
i think i was doing not so well but at least im catching up and Alhamdulillah i finished 1st juzuk..still lots of mistake..hey, im learning. and glad to learn again after putting it on hold for long time. i always like learning and studying...guess what, Harumi is joining me too. she could learn to read the Quran easier since she already familiar with the characters. she really enjoy it...we do! we like to discuss the translation with sister solehah as well. she tried her best to interpret the meaning and give brief but clear explanation
here i am..back to a very basic..which is could be better than writing a boring educational thesis :P
after sister solehah back to her varsity i couldnt get any replacement. too bad, sister jannah couldnt teach me and only told me the very last minute when i was expecting her to come over in less than 3 hours. owwwh..i was all set, waiting eagerly for my new teacher.
sister solehah was not informed about the cancellation as well. i contacted her and she promised to find a new replacement. she felt responsible to get a new teacher for me. she's such a god and knowledgeable young lady. i respected her as a teacher although she is far more younger than me. she's so adorable and surprisingly, she is an anime fan. Sometimes, she stayed for a while after lesson to chat with Harumi about Japan or just to play with the rabbits. well..a girl is always a girl.
i missed my lesson for a week and now that i got new replacement again. her name is Noura. i havent met her, i just called her and talked to her over the phone. sister solehah recommended her. im glad that it dint take that long for me to start again.
i was a bit frustrated before since im unable to continue the lesson immediately for it's okay..it's time of the month anyway..still sister solehah would come and we had general discussion on certain topic..either my choice or hers. gosh! i did ask lots of questions..hahaha. she never hesitated to give answers.
i think i was doing not so well but at least im catching up and Alhamdulillah i finished 1st juzuk..still lots of mistake..hey, im learning. and glad to learn again after putting it on hold for long time. i always like learning and studying...guess what, Harumi is joining me too. she could learn to read the Quran easier since she already familiar with the characters. she really enjoy it...we do! we like to discuss the translation with sister solehah as well. she tried her best to interpret the meaning and give brief but clear explanation
here i am..back to a very basic..which is could be better than writing a boring educational thesis :P
Tuesday, July 6, 2010
You are you. Now, isn't that pleasant ?
i was about to open my novel when my senior approached. i know her in graduate school, in fact i was her senior back then. yes, she is loud but i never bother about that. i was busy writing my thesis while she's just starting her first year. i barely met her except on those days where i needed to wait for my supervisor to reschedule our meeting and i occasionally ended up hanging around in the graduate's lab. just to kill the time or checking my email.
Sister Salma is a friendly lady, a person that i think is okay to mix around. in fact, i always think she is till now. accidently , she was the first i met after reported to my new division and i was very please to see familiar face at the same place. she's in different unit but recently we met quite often. we are in the same research team for time being and another reason is..i started to park my car at the basement. somehow i dont really like the morning crowd in the lift..people are not just saying hi but checking on each other..clothes, make up..handbags and me? i never looked the best in the morning, especially on my way to the office.
sister Salma joined me for breakfast today and out of respect i dint take my novel out. then, she started to ask me "did Zainab told you what i asked her to tell?" i said"i dont think so"
Sister Zainab is really close to me and she's really stylish and i adore her. i always seek advise from her..not about dressing up but about job and personal problems. i wonder, what stopped her from telling me sister Salma's message. She's a sister to me and i believe she'll say whatever she needed to say to be without feeling hesitate.
"So..tell me!".. She was slightly reluctant and finally said "i told her to tell you to dress up the way you did before" .."mmm..how?" "you are not wearing make up anymore.no lipsticks, come on " i just smiled.."owwh.." she continued, "last time i saw you were so plain..nothing on your face" i replied "well, im not wearing anything now..just natural colour lip moisturizer".."owwwh.." i think she realised that i dont want to discuss about it anymore. so we changed topic..
last couple of months..one of my colleagues asked me.."is that your new hijab style?" i said "maybe..insyallah" honestly i hate myself when i couldnt defend my act, as if my act is against wrong. why cant i say..yes, this is my choice? there's nothing to be ashamed of.
nobody asked me to change..i just feel not right when my hijab doesnt cover my chest. it's like my chest is bare. i started to wear less and less make up. the kohl was applied just to hide my swollen eyes. yes...i had some sadness at that moment and tried to conceal it from others. i dont think it's appropriate for me to come to work looking scrumpy. Alhamdulillah things got better. thanks to my friend who constantly reminding me about the qadr and..the deeper meaning of surah al-insyirah. my fave lines are
فَإِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
Surely there is ease after hardship
إِنَّ مَعَ الْعُسْرِ يُسْرًا
Aye, surely there is ease after hardship.
So i cried less and less. now time to let go my make up. i was worried in case i need the kohl to seal my "grief" again..then i told myself..Allah will keep on helping me in various way. i shouldnt worry much about the future...
i still care much about my skin. i wash my face daily, making sure there's no pimples..putting scar gel on the pimples scar, put lip moisturiser, moisture my face, eye gel for eye bags...and have regular facial done either at home or spa. Alhamdulillah im blessed with good skin and always keep it hydrated by drinking lots of water..only that sometimes i like to squeeze my pimples with my fingers and the result is..ugly scar..:(
once i asked my close friend " do i look different without make up?" she replied " never noticed that" so it's good to know that Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind. im not just skin deep..i wanted to be acknowledged not the way i dress..what colour of lipsticks ..let be because for my intelligence and pleasant being. i'm more than a muse.
now i understand why to cover is to honour ourselves..you'll be respected for your brain. i believe when people are listening to you..they really do listen to the words you are saying not because of your "artificial beauty". in the end of the day, it will be your opinion and say that count.
i'm grateful to what Allah is turning me into. i never guessed that i could just be the person i am now. my mom and sisters will be happy...seeing me tossing my tight clothes and fancy eyeshadow. people might say that im limiting my chance of attracting guys and might end up being a spinster. all that i gotta say..my life is not the society to decide. Allah knows the best for me.
it's good to know that most of those who really know me dont really care if i wear make up or not..i am bulan. that's explain everything. my non-muslim housemate is very curious but she tried to understand why i cleaned my closet and put some clothes in the box for donation. harumi is more than happy to receive some of my clothes.
poor Reena, she was all excited to revamp my wardrobe but i told her i'm okay with it as long as she follows my rules..so can you imagine her face when i refused to buy the funky outfit from the China doll's store? give me a break..those clothes are wayyy to tight..i couldnt even put my finger in :P i'll think i'll suffocate in that small dress.
Taheerah is always okay with what i wear or decide not to wear.it's cool to have a friend like her. last weekend i took her out for dinner at the nearby stall..so i was wearing my denim-like jilbab and long black shayla..since it's easy to slip into..and she was wearing baby tee and shorts..people were staring at us..yes, we looked very "different" but hey.it doesnt matter..Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind.
now..it's understandable why sister Zainab dint tell me about sister Salma's message. maybe she forgot all about it or it's simply unimportant. i am who i am and people like the way i am..with or without make up.
to those lovely people..thank you for not judging me based on my appearance. im not perfect and never will be one. i never dreamt of being the person i am now. Allah leads people in mysterious ways. Gladly He dint lead me through a very long and difficult route and i pray that He will make me better in every possible way..and keep on leading me to the right path.
to sister Salma, thanks for your attention and my dua' goes to you.
i end my post wit a cute HiJaBi BabY pic
Monday, July 5, 2010
A Garden, Chicken and Sheep
Before i start to blog on the topic related to ..a garden, chicken and sheep, i wanted to stress that this blog post is NOT about the Farmville Obsession in Facebook. I'm not a big fan of Facebook and NEVER get involved with Farmville. I have nothing against the craze..being a private person, i found that facebook-ing is so un-private..but i do browse friend's page. hahaha..i guess i am the facebook stalker after all.. LOL :P bad2 girl !
okay..back to my Garden, Chicken and Sheep..it goes like this..
When you are feeling all blue and crappy...you must think of things that make you happy or perhaps people that make you happy. At this very own time. All I could think is the flowers that blooming. Yes I planted new plants in the office. So that’s keeping me all excited to come to office. Not that super excited but enough to keep me going. Friends said that im just not born a gardener at all. The plants that I tried to plant seem to die in less than 5 months.
okay..back to my Garden, Chicken and Sheep..it goes like this..
When you are feeling all blue and crappy...you must think of things that make you happy or perhaps people that make you happy. At this very own time. All I could think is the flowers that blooming. Yes I planted new plants in the office. So that’s keeping me all excited to come to office. Not that super excited but enough to keep me going. Friends said that im just not born a gardener at all. The plants that I tried to plant seem to die in less than 5 months.
I never gave up. I ‘m not opening a plant nursery so nothing to worry about. I like to see the flowers blooming from the tiny seeds. It’s amazing how it grows. It’s like a magic when those plants come out from the soil. It doesn’t take that long for it to grow. In some cases…it only took a day. Planting a plant is somehow has its ups and downs. Call it lucky or whatever you please. The plants might just stop growing and seeing a plant dies is not a good experience. I always sad to see it dying and most of the time, I would try to save it. I agreed that it takes some knowledge to determine the right soil, lighting, water or even the right plants to grow. Where and when...
I’m a good example of a pure amateur gardener. Some people advised me to just quick planting flowers. They said I have “warm hands”which resulted to the plants dying. Whatever. I like keeping the world green plus some colour here and there. Unlike some people who couldn’t be other about planting trees yet have the guts to complain about global warming.
I have no blinking idea what plant this one should be...just wait and see
Acalypha hispida or better known as "cat's tail" plant in my country
Unfortunate enough for me to realize that sometimes my plants failed to survive no matter how careful I was…sometimes it does grow and you could see me smiling and grinning of satisfaction. It’s a huge accomplishment to me. Im better with the greens. Just those flowers need lots of sunlight and living in a small flat is a disadvantage.
The only sunny place is the launderette, even though it’s just for few hours in the morning. That’s okay for the greens but not sunny enough for the flowers. I used to have pink flowers at the small “balcony” but I don’t know why it’s stop producing more flowers. Huh….im not happy with that. Flowers always make me happy and im trying again and again.
Owwh... I do wish to live in a house with a small garden where I could spend time just planting and admiring the plants. Being a homely person. A garden definitely one of my biggest wishes. Last week, I had a dream. I was in a location which I think a farm but not a big one. Maybe a house at countryside with extra space for me to keep some farm animals. I was feeding the chickens. I could see a sheep...a white fluffy sheep. I was happy but I wonder why I don’t have cat with me. I love cats but yet I don’t have one. Mmmm…I do have rabbits now but that’s all I could squeeze in the tiny flat.
Better than nothing…
Could my dream of Garden and farm be classified as“escapism” from this unfavorable job?
i think adding some geese in my "little farm" will be a good idea
Friday, July 2, 2010
I donct KNOW
hey..me bulan feling so ..i couldnt describe what. im feeling like typing some words in the blog but im have no blinking idea wat to write ...nothing much to write..but i just wanted to write..seeing letters turning into words...sentences..paragraphs ....it's just wonderful. yes, i am totally a "wrriten-stuff" freak. i read like crazy..i write crazy stuff..i think i have so much words..thoughts going on in my brain. it's not that i have no chance to say it but it need not to be said..im just glad that im not so much of a talker..let them call me a "mute"..who cares..i dont go and bitching about others..it's just me and my so-called-life...
i think i better..off the laptop and settle with a good book..dint feel like watchin tv or talking today..aaaaa..enuf!
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Slightly Under the Weather :'(
im coughing AGAIN! i was okay for almost a month..i wonder why im coughing again. im taking gd care of myself..x iced drinks..lots..i mean lots lots of water. stopped taking shower in the evening. could it be the cold temperature in the office? i got the feeling that it's the dusty carpet. it needs to be steamed! freaking dusty..
today i was feeling extremely sleepy while i was driving...i had to make sure im awake..very dangerous. i came home and had a nap for almost 1 hour. i had cold sweat and drooling LOL. no kiding!
now im off to bed. hopefully i could stay awake for few pages of the novel...
ohhh..the hormone again!
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