Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Chemical changes in the brain. Fluctuations of serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that is thought to play a crucial role in mood states, could trigger PMS symptoms. Insufficient amounts of serotonin may contribute to premenstrual depression, as well as to fatigue, food cravings and sleep problems.
in simple statement BLAME OUR HORMONE
to guys..do you understand? now take a hike!!! before we ate u alive with choc caramel as topping.
Probably the biggest
Taming PMS mood swings is a mix of putting an end to one of the symptoms that onlookers and others in the household perceive as the main complaint, while at the same time learning how to make the most of available means of dealing with a monthly recurrence.
- # take a break from LIFE..go and hide in the cave and of course bring tons of choc with you. choc bar, choc drink, choc ice (bring ur fridge wit u)..extra cheese pizza with choc brownies topping..make sure u have enough cash/debit card/credit card to pay the delivary boy. and the cave must be near food outlets and shops to buy junk foods when u r out of supply.
- #best to avoid the shopping mall AT ALL..you might end up buying hideous pink dress with green polkadot pairing with bright orange bootcut pants.
- #stop discussing issues with MEN..you will go against watever he said..even if he said that you forgot to take off your hair roller. you might feel that he's saying, "you are ugly"
- #a sad movie is a complete NO NO...you'll cry uncontrobly and relate every single scene in the movie with your story..even when the frog prince get married to another frog.
- #stay away from all sharp objects, tall buildings since you'll tempted to hurt urself with it....jump from the building. even worst if you'll stab someone for just not responding to ur SMS in less than 2 seconds or push someone from 4th floor apartment because you think he's calling u Fatso.
- #dont get angry (it's impossible anyway)..if you r angry stay away from the phone, text msg. write a snail mail instead..you might change ur mind anyway by the time u reach the post office and found out the Looong line of people.
- #have a blog..write down watever you feel and if you r still feeling the same way after the PMSing storm...you might decide that it's not PMS after all..
- #still about blogging..write a private entry and curse those you hate with all possible bad words you can think of.
- #dont use red colour...red letters for blog, red dress, red underware, red pen or even red lipstick.
- #eat watever you wanted to eat, wat you craved for all this long but afraid that it's going to ruin ur diet..you have the most valid excuse "I'm PMS-ing"
- #Sleep if you can..10 days straight during PMS and only wake up to eat the junk food and when needed to go to toilet. by the time you wake up..violaaaa the PMS is over!!!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
alice alice alice..that's me! someone who i could always relay on whenever i feel like hiding away from the reality. being an adult definitely not an option and going through it could be not so pleasant after all. yes, an adult suppose to be responsible for all action that has been done or goin to be done. we cant simply say..oops i've done it again and blame others..
being a dreamer doesnt mean that i 'm running away from the responsibilities. i could say it is an escapism. a temporary escape for me..yes life much more challenging down the rabbit hole but as people say "the grass always look greener on the other side of the fence" :(date to mark 4 March 2010..yes i'm goin down the rabbit hole with sweet Alice
Hassan was 4 years old, his brother Hussien was barely few months and i was the wednesday babysitter. someone they refered as a big sister. wednesday with them always amazing and so did other days. i practically spent most of my days at their place..feeling the warmth of "family". there would be phone calls if i had gone missing more than 3 days. being cared for is wonderful. living abroad was pleasant after all. dealing with homesick turned to be easier.
4 year old Hassan adored me..grew a crush on me. holding my hands and never wanted to let go when we were together. listening to my stories . flipping the pictorial books and pretend to read to me.
"Look...i could read and i will read for you".
Hassan was not a big fan of school anyway. i remembered his mom had to drag him to wash up and get ready for play school which he normally attended not more than 3 times a week and sometimes less or never at all.
having parents who were struggling to complete their second degree was not so appealing for a boy at his age. he was seeking for attention and constantly throwing tantrums. i was the closest adult to him, other than his parents. it's a relief for the couples who struggled days and nights, juggling family life with study. i dint mind at all. i'm more than happy to be one of the Kuno's clan. i rather spent my time with him than gossiping with my housemates. i knew that Hassan would be waiting for the wednesday play date eagerly. he was no much a chatter to others but it was different when he's with me. he would talk non-stop and honestly i couldnt undertand most of it. he still had that "baby talk" and often mumbled.
there were times when the parents were busy enough to drop him at his play school. and of course i was called to come over, to get him ready and walk him to school.
getting him into the shower was a challenge since he thought the water would always be icy cold. i had to trick him with stories and finally proved to him that the water was warm enough for a refreshing shower on a winter morning.
after putting layers of clothes....we headed to the school. it was a 15 minutes walk. Hassan was so excited to spend a nice walk with me.
we walked hand in hands. he gripped my left hand. swinging it 180 degrees from time to time. we stopped at the dairy on the way to Fourth Street Play School, Hassan always wanting to buy some lollies for me with a dollar coin his father normally gave to him. i let him chose. Gummy Bear was always his first choice. i took one. the one in green colour. muching it happily just like another 4 year old...what could be better on a sunny winter morning? some gummy bears to chew with a happy boy.
i smile everytime i remember his pink cheeks and adorable small almond shape eyes....held me the wee flower picked from his backyard..
" Kakak..for you.."
yes...i received my first flower from a man aged 4 :)
a year with Hassan was amazingly unforgetable. then i had to come home for good and it meant a GOOD BYE for us..Hassan and Me.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Best DesCribed Bad Hair DaY
Work was a bit tiring today. I was glued in front of the computer screen from morning till late evening. Yes, I left the office at 6.30…went to the car. Heated the engine and read the novel. Maybe it was 6.45 when I actually drove away from the parking space. Road was very clear today since it’s a public holiday in where I stay...so less cars on the road. I had a quite pleasant drive…but still hate driving anyway.
I stopped at the stall, buying some food since cooking is out of my mind at the moment. Just some Bakso from my fave stall and accidently found a cat near by. I meant a stuffed cat which was still nicely wrapped in plastic. It cost me only RM2...i was not planning to buy it at all but looking at the cat’s eyes...oooh, poor lil thing. It needs a home and I have plenty of space for it plus taking care of stuffed animal always been easy. I don’t have to feed them, they don’t make any noise, no frequent petting is required, they don’t dirty the house and the best part is if they smells…you just need to throw them in the washing machine with some detergent or softener for extra fluff to the fur.LOL
Neko being comfortable in its new house
Then, I decided to go to the nearest bookstore. Yes, I need a shopping therapy to ease not-so-good mood. Huh! I always like bookstores…touching the books on the shelves, smelling the eraser or sometimes just reading the poster. Hey, I checked out some stickers. As usual...I could never say NO to cute stickers. I believe “there’s a child in every adult…perhaps in my case, there’s more than 1”. hhahaha. I finally bought two cats stickerrs with cute love hearts, not knowing where to stick it. Oh well, I think of it later.
Again, I spent my time in my car which I purposely parked in front of my balcony (a launderette more likely) admiring my garden from far. Yes...the pink flowers bloom really well...the greens are greener...and the purple is purple-r...hahaha...the word doesn’t even exist. Wow...life is not what I expected it to be today. Yes...there’s a lil bit frustration but I’ll get by it…i have too
Again I gave a long sigh “life goes on” and stepped out from the car and climbed the stairs to my little "heaven".
Thursday, December 10, 2009
i know calling her wont change the situation but i just want to let her know that “I still care” about her and sorry for drifting apart especially in times like this. i could recall last time I talked to her was when I called my previous office somewhere in July for some official matters. I was looking for the administrative clerk but it turned that was her who answered my call. yes, my friend, Anne who answered the call. So we ended up chatting for quite some times. Everything sounds okay when I asked about her marriage. Perhaps she was trying to believe it was okay too.
I know her husband as a friend and as a colleague before. He seemed like a nice man and I know his family personally. I was like a daughter to the family. i was a part of them. i never missed any of their "food feast" even occasional lunches during the weekend.
Being raised by a divorced mother makes Anne always looking for a good father figure in her relationship leaving her heartbroken few times but she never gave up. I was there all along. I was there to listen to all her romantic stories and how I adore her guts while I chose to take a different path and stay single for most of the times. There were times when she dragged me to some blind dates and I agreed just to be polite. She was there to chaperone me, so did her then husband.
She was always the one who gave comments to whomever possible dates I should meet next by judging of course from their appearance. LOL many times she said that it’s important for me not to end up marrying ugly guy because she thought that he will ruin my distinct features. She called me “Arab girl” which had me laughed constantly since I am not an Arab descendent not directly maybe
I remembered when she hugged me tightly and cried when I was about to leave our then “HOME”. It was a sad moment for both of us but I just need to go and she knows that all along. She was the one who told me to do so. “IT”S NOT A PLACE FOR YOU, here…you need to go out there and be with all those weirdos”. I left all my teaching materials to her even my favourite old radio. the one with crooked hanger as an antenna. the one who kept me company in the corner of the room.
She was happily married at that time. I guess she achieved her dream while I chose to chase mine. it's time to go separately although it was not easy for me to be alone at a new place. soon, things became new routine to me. no more "i-cant-d0-it " but more like "I'll-be-okay" moment.
For the past 3 years I met her for less than 5 times when I was down south for few visits. She was happily occupied with a little girl who is named Marliya. Yes a beautiful Marliya with lovely eyes and curly black hair. I was happy for her and envied her for having a perfect life as a wife and a mother. I assume her life was complete in some ways. i was happy for her though. i mean that's the best thing i could do for her.
Then I heard less and less from her or perhaps I was too busy chasing my dreams till I heard about her divorced. i guessed she must have made lots of thinking before finally made the firm decission. accepting a proposal could be easy but getting a divorce is obviously not. not in a society where divorce is still a taboo..it's the last solution. but i rather think it's a new beginning of an ending.
to be continued
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Does having a religion means that yo just do the Dos and Quit the DONTs? Well, that’s a part of it but there’s definitely more elaborate than that.
This is a story of sweet LiL Kimi from my point of view. Kimi was popular for her ability to speak Bahasa Indonesia after spending some times in the country, living as an expatriate family in a majority Islam community. She was fascinated with the beautiful religion and decided to convert to the religion once she’s back in OZ.
Reading her blog is really enjoyable…adoring her cute lil face and the pink Hello Kitty background. I dint register as her follower but I secretly reading her blog from now and then. She just has the right stroke in writing. Her thoughts were perfectly organized and trust me..she’s everyone sweetheart. She seemed to be so into her new “belief”, honestly her attire were even more modest compared to me. I viewed her as a strong young lady trying to be a good muslim in a kafir society. However, they were so supportive…providing a comfortable environment for her. Although I dint like her pet doggy that much..
It’s amazing reading her words of wisdom…how courageous she was. Talking about Islam, Quran, hadith…most of the entries were Islamic. She’s so well spoken. She had hundreds followers that gave her heartening comments. She’s a sister to most of them.
I always wanted to tell frends about how intriguing she was. Telling how Allah granted Nur to her …..to whoever being chosen. I called it a graceful NUR and she’s one of the lucky one. She was born again at the aged of 15 and was as clean as white linen sheet. How fortunate she was.
On the other hand I’m in different situation compared to her. Being born Muslim means that I inherit the religion. I grow with it. Live with it. It’s my life. There’s only one Allah to me. Glad that it never occurred to me to think that there’s other God.
I have to admit that there were times when I forgot to say Alhamdulillah when granted with blessings..but I never blamed Allah as well as fate whenever I was hit by thousands of problems…when I failed..when my heart was badly hurted..when things dint turn the way I wanted it to be..when my days were darker than anything…of course I broke down and cried but having my faith…always make me feel better later on even stronger than before. i just keep in my mind that There are things beyond our control and predestined by Allah. I guess Kimi has problem in believing in the concept. She has doubts not only on the existence of Allah but god generally.
Faith was taught in simple ways by my mother. “How do we know Allah exists?” “Look around you…trees, hills, river..AlIah makes all of them”. Living in a countryside make me aware with the nature more than children nowadays who’ve been surrounded my man-made buildings and modern machines. Perhaps they couldn’t relate the existence of the world with the existence of Allah that much.
Apart from that I was reminded since I was a lil child that we cannot say bad thing about Allah and prophet Muhammad..let alone blame them. Why? Because Allah will get angry and we’ll be doom in Hell. At that time I always pictured Hell as a big pot of fire with hot bubble and smokes coming out from it..more like spicy curry prepared by my mom..but with extra chili and extremely hot so that it could melt your tongue in less than 2 seconds. So I rather not make Allahangry because it surely hot in the pot.
I was Growing up with that belief and it just stuck in my mind forever until now. It’s a simple way to explain to a small child and the best part is to stop them from asking lots of questions since there are lots of unexplained matters when religion is concerned unless you're a well-educate islamic scholar.
Okay..back to sweet lil kimi’s story. So there she was, an idol to most of new converts or even us the born Muslims. The last time I read her blog was just less than a month ago. She’s happily announcing her engagement and plan for a perfect muslim’s wedding. She even started to create her new blog on losing weight. I guess she wanted to look amazing on her wedding day. I mean, who doesn’t.
I always wanted to leave some comments on her blog but I never did. Until last week I feel like reading her blog again after taking a long break from doing so. To my surprise…KIMI LEFT ISLAM…yes the sweet Hello Kitty’s fan choose to stop believe in ALLAH..she even said that she doesn’t need god anymore.
But why o why? I mean..of all people….why kimi? Then again, I was told as a small girl not to question Allah’s deeds. Kimi’s sad story makes my faith even stronger. Again…Allah has the power to give Nur to whoever he decides and to take it back whenever he wants to…in just a blink of eyes.
Oh kimi, stop relate the existence of human being with evolution theories…and all those gravity craps..she never been forced to convert and i believe that nobody forced her to leave the religion either. it's all her free choice. some of us are really unhappy with her decission. maybe because we love her so much and could feel the lost. yes..losing the sweet girl who seemed to be fully aware with her new life as a muslim. i never hated her though.
kimi's story does leave us with a great mark. making our faith stronger. i couldnt agree more with this one blogger who mentioned that kimi does make some changes in ways we are looking at our religion. there's no point cracking our mind with all those questions on her reason to leave Islam but let's just think what could we learn from her story.
this is some of the things that i've learnt...She’s almost succeed in believing the 6 pillars of Iman. She seemed to pass all except the last one. Believing in Qada' and Qadar ..To believe in Divine Preordainment . I guess this is the hardest part. After trying all her best to be faithful to her new belief…she was tested..then she had a doubt on the religion..started to questions things. I don’t know to whom she discussed her doubts but she doesn’t seem to be satisfied with the explanations. Finally she calls it quit…leaving something that was once her biggest interest.
To kimi…I pray that you’ll see the Nur again and this time you’ll see it not only with your eyes but with your heart. How could you expect to understand all about the religion when it was barely 2 years for you to be a muslim. It’s possible for others not to complete the “study” till the end of their life. We just need to learn constantly and try our best inkeeping the faith. In good and bad times….
it's all come to an end for Kimi as a muslim but i still read her blog. she always been an interesting writer..it just that her recent blog is more on her anger with lots of ugly "F" words. perhaps it's true that having a good faith helps us a lot in controling our emotions especially the negative ones...i believe that. to control doesnt mean to repress the emotions but to manage it wisely :)
to Kimi all the best in not so pleasant world of crapsssss...which be better with lil good faith...Yes we gotta have faith.
Friday, December 4, 2009
I pray the days come easy and the moments pass slow
and each road leads me where i want to go,
if I'm faced with a choice, and i have to choose,
I hope i choose the one that means the most to me.
if one door opens to another door closed,
I pray i keep on walkin' 'til i find the window,
if it's cold outside,show the world the warmth of my smile :)
but more than anything, more than anything
My prayer, is that this life...
becomes all that i want it to,
my dreams stay BIG,
my worries stay small,
i never need to carry more than i can haul,
while i'm out there getting where i'm getting to,
I pray i know somebody loves me,
and wants the same things too
I pray i never look back,
but i never forget,
all the ones who love me, in the place i left,
I hope i always forgive, and i never regret
i help somebody every chance i get
Oh, i find Allah's grace, in every mistake
always give more then i take.
But more than anything
I PraY to always say ALHAMDULILLAH for all the BLessinG
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Feeling slightly light headed yesterday with a slight attack of gastric due to unnecessary anxiety. which should be under controled...but hey..life never been a piece of cake to most people. but one thing for sure, Life goes on. Run if you can, walking is ok...or crawl if you must...you just need to go on..doesnt matter how..
Honestly I was in blue and unsatisfied with my job. Then, Ms Ym from the faculty called me asking about my study status. Apparently my supervisor, Prof N was there. I was told to see her a.s.a.p. gulp! Should I go on or quit? Or just postpone it for another 10 years perhaps?
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about my previous plan in sort of “once-upon-a-time” story. Then he said to me, “It doesn’t mean your current life will be your last”. He’s right. I, by no means have no control over my destiny but it wouldn’t be any harm if I review my old plan and think about it again. By the way, that’s what I like to do best in my life. Yes...teaching. One day...it’s not impossible for me to go back to my old times. Teaching to a bunch of students who are eager to listen to me...discussing psycholinguistic theories with teachers-wannabes. Guiding them in exams…helping them to score good marks.
Satisfaction is important in life. I could be stucked in a secure job but unhappy or not so secure job but happy. Tough...it’s like having a secure unhappy relationship or insecure happy relationship. PARADOX in meaning but do happen in reality….knowing myself. I always choose to be happy. Of course I want to be rich...but I want to be a smiley face kindda rich…so having a place to stay…decent food to eat (cant say nutritious since I do eat junk food a lot...hahaha) a car to move around...lil extra cash for things..Be enough. Who cares if others r driving HONDA…I’ll be happy if I’m riding on a camel as long as there’s a “driver”…huh...i never like that engined animal a.k.a car anyway.
Now...what I’m thinking is...how do I turn back to plan A, after moving along with PLAN B? The problem is I might be facing some legal action. Some of it is quite ridiculous…so when penalty fees are concerned. I rather not talk too much. Perhaps before taking any step. I should consult a legal advise from the expertise not from friends who mostly will talk about commonsense...believe me. Been through all those and discovered that it could be nonsense after all. I rather not loose my senses anymore which could result me being unpaid for almost a year….sigh!!!
To be or not to be...The road not taken again…two roads diverged in a yellow wood…blabla…blabla
the point is, i need to Plant my own Happy Seeds. those seeds might not grow all but i'm having no doubt that some will :)
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
I haven't really ever found a place that I call home
HOME for me is the Place I AM now
I never stick around quite long enough to make it
I'll try this time...since i like my HOME
I apologize that once again
I'm not in love
But it's not as if
You Figure it out!
I mind that your heart ain't exactly breaking
Or is it the other Way around?
It's just a thought, only a thought
CaLL it THOUGHTSsss
But if my life is for rent and
all life are
I don't learn to buy
CAnt BuY anyway
Well I deserve nothing more than I get
no HARM tryinG
Cos nothing I have is truly mine
Yes...duh! Life for Rent
I've always thought that
I would love to live by the sea
I DO...still DO..will always DO
To travel the world alone and live my life more simply
SoLo BackPackinG is Great But Having Companion is Even GREATER
I have no idea what's happened to that dream
Dream doesnt cost a cent..so go on live your DREam
Cos there's really nothing left here to stop me
Yes..just FoLLow Your Instinct
It's just a thought, only a thought
Hey, it could be a good START
But if my life is for rent and
I don't learn to buy
Why Bother..if you can get it for FREE
Well I deserve nothing more than
I get Cos nothing I have is truly mine
While my heart is a shield and
protect Urself too Much..might be not good
I won't let it down
Tough...to survive a broken heart
While I am so afraid to fail so I won't even try
I'LL try again and again...not to give UP
Well how can I say
Yess..after all those Stormy Days...glad to be alive
If my life is for rent...
Monday, November 23, 2009
Me, too young to be suffereing from the hots flushes of menopause.. still unattached..but already tired with all the craps in life. would it be cool enough to stay at home? running errands for a house full of dinosaurs? feedin them..changing diapers..cleaning the toilet bowl? perhaps people might mistaken me as the well-fed maid workin for the Barney's family. truth is..ladies are trying to run along in a male marathon and tryin to prove that they're equal.. yes..shouting the Gender Equality SLogan..
Apparently, in RealiTy we can never be equal...well, it doesn’t mean that we are weak but even better. We, ladies should be treated as princess due to our “weak” nature. Men are supposed to protect us, guide us, and lead us. Sadly, when ladies are so much engrossed in “gender equality”, Men are taking advantages. Yes, they could just probably say that, “Hey, you want equality? Come and get it”. Here we are, ladies…cheering words of triumph...hip hip hooray! Men are letting go their responsibility. Ladies become the breadwinner of the family while men rather become stay-home-dad...or shall I say “stay-home-dead” There goes the story of a so much demanded gender equality. Ladies in men's world while men couldn’t careless if they are in the World or Outer Space... as long as they could still contribute to breed human nation. Life revolves around watching soccer, eating chips with high sugar content drinks..enough to make them as active as a weasel. Active messing the house and "you-know-what-i meant"…
Is this what we need? So much of gender equality...by the end of the day...all worn out after long working hours. We, ladies come back to a hell rather than home. I guess it will be a never ending disagreement...
So men, giving ladies freedom doesn’t mean giving them "doomed-for-free" but should be
Whatever status ladies are, there is no right for men to abuse us. We might be nerve wrecking at times but...it’s just that we need lil extra attention or perhaps some kind of appreciation. oh perhaps..just blame our chaotic estrogen.
Those who know me might be thinking that what rubbish I’m writing since I am a career lady which never been in a “wife” or “mother” position. Yess..they probably saying..look who's talking!!! a marriage counselor who never been married..a relationship therapist who never succeed in relationship...hey a surgeon never conducted a surgery on his/her own body but still a proclaimed surgeon..duh!
oh well, I might be wrong in certain things...but being raised in a conservative family...having conservative parents...nurtured by conservative mother...disciplined by a conservative father...make me ME..A “please” person. I hope that I will never lose that “please” in me...wish to instill that in my children. I mean...how adorable it would be seeing 3 year old child sayin “Mama, could you please make me some milk”? Believe me...it’s wonderful. I watched my 3 yr old niece saying it and hope to see more in the future. Perhaps…later I could claim that it runs in the genes. CouLd it Be?
some of my married siblings chose to tone down the "conservative" style we used to be brought up in raising their family..it's up to them. i cant say that i'm 100% an avid believer of conservative way of life..but i do believe in discipline and saying "Yes Sir" in certain situation. the point is...a good leader is needed..shall i spell M.A.N with quality of course :)
i guess that's all..me, rambling about my MooN-day...so next time..dont let me rant..i might end a simple matter with far more complicated issues...you'll be sorry
Wednesday, November 18, 2009
Wednesday, October 28, 2009
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Monday, October 5, 2009
Tuesday, September 29, 2009
being to be born with a not-so-competitive nature has pros and cons, especially when surrounded by all those wannabes in dogs eat dogs world. oh well, there's a possibility that i'll be eaten. have to make sure that although i'm not winning..i'll not be eaten..alive!
so this morning when Bintang told me i'm a winner..i kindda jabbed about it thinking that he's always a Jabber who never let me win even in a Snake and Ladder game. huh! Bulan..always win..am I? everytime i lose i'll hope that i'll lose wisely :P
ironically i dont view myself as a winner, not even as a player. but one thing for sure i always try my best..yes MY BEST which could be others' worst..since i'm not competing with others, i'm pretty happy with that.
it's just like pleasing people. if you feel oblige to please people, well..stop doing it. Pleasing others should make you feel pleased too. making people happy should make you happy too. those basic principles work on me. come to think of it, dont you feel pleased seeing them happy? hearing those laughters? looking at their smiles? or even knowing that they are smiling when reading your SMS? i'm strongly against winning people's heart..i rather say..pleasing people's mind
so what if they dont make you happy as you did to them? love is to be given ...not to expect any returns... dont worry if you'll make a person happy and it turn me that he/she makes you the other way around...believe me. there will be others who'll pleased you. So go on..make others happy..make the world smiles with you. go and make suprises!
yes..i love suprises..as much as giving them too...i love the thrill of it..planning and hidding it....till it's time to say SUPRISE!!!!! just imagine those lovely excited eyes...big smiles...adrenalin rush..perhaps i should put my ears on the person chest and hear the heartbeat....just to justify if it beating faster or just at normal rate..
only then i could say "I won!" yes winning those precious smiles, glaring eyes..or if you are lucky enough..you'll get some hugs and kisses as well...dint mean in lusty kindda way..ahhahahaha
ok..Bulan might be winning but she refuses to be awarded with trophy.
"Life is not all about winning...it's about gainning (unlikely about gainning weight..i hope!)"
to be a winner takes a lot of effort..guess im settling down with being a wise loser...what's the point of winning if you are unaware with the purpose of doing things...to be no 1 doesnt mean that you are the best..
go on trying...it's the process of getiing to something is the most important..no matter if you win or lose.
Sunday, September 20, 2009
for me, i belong where i'm now. so whenever i'm at a place for a long time that particular place should be called "HOME". i think that's the best thing to do although we might be in a place without our willingness and we have no choice. like it or not. i was in such situation for several times. of course i was feeling rather "homesick" but then where is my "home". when i was 17 and was in College..perhaps i could say my parents' are "HOME". then i was flatting with friends by the age of 18. was i refering to the dorm as home whenever i was feeling "homesick"? it doesnt seem right. then i was abroad by the age 20. was homeland as my home, when i was refering to homesick once again? that sound rather broad!td then back "home"..still was feeling homesick..should i say adopted home-sick? was 23 when i started to work in a state deep down south. homesick again. was 28 when i left the job, pack my things, left my comfortable 3 rooms house to share small lil room with a student. again..homesick. 29 yrs young..flatting..not so homesick..31 yrs moved few doors away..this is wat i refer as home now...
i guess..i'm blessed with the ability to adapt myself to a new situation whenever i needed too. being an insignificant introvert doesnt mean that im unable to fit myself in a new community. i think i could even survive in south africa or even siberia. siberia..wow freezing cold..i'll get by it. Big Apple? checked! Tokyo? checked! Casablanca? checked..hehehe the name of casablanca really intriguing. what about Timbuktoo? checked! hehehe not even sure whether i got the name right.
without further ado. i proudly announcing that me "BuLan" capable of adapting myself in any situation..although i might take some time..i believe that we need to make the best out of it..then it be to fun to leave the "was-not-so-interesting" place. experienced it few times. my advice..treat the place you are now as HOME...live like you'll never left.
Thursday, September 17, 2009
i know i cant isolate myself. i dont even want to.
2 days are enough for me since everybody are quite busy going here and there. nobody really realise if i exist or not. just my close family and friends. family be at my place on 1st raya. 2nd raya be a gathering with my primary schoolmates. other than that? be at home waiting for the guess. making drinks, cleaning etc.
i'm looking foward to meet my family. that's all. to hang out with them...but i'm sure they'll be busy. perhaps i take some days off next time. just to be with them.
suprisingly, now i'm browsing through websites to beautiful islands. well just in SEA. cant afford to travel far. a place where i'm going to make an official hiding place for me. a place where i can go to whenever i'm feeling like hiding away from people, things...but then, i need to find a safe place for a lady traveller like me since i know there will be times i need to be alone.
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
it's like a "bring and tell" session. everyone will be waiting to hear and see what you are bringing..
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
PLATO: For the greater good.
ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.
KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.
RONALD REAGAN: I forget.
BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!
CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.
To come, to see, to conquer.
ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting ,in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.
LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken `crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.
MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.
FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?
RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.
JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?
FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.
BILL GATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken '98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.
DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.
EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.
BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.
Because it could not stop for death.
To cross the road less traveled by.
If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road too!
MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.
COLONEL SANDERS (Famed for Kentucky Fried Chicken): I missed one?
PHYSICIST: Because the chicken's momentum had a positive component towards the other side of the road.
QUANTUM PHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.
MATHEMATICIAN: Because of the intermediate values theorem.
ALGEBRAIC GEOMETRIST: Well, consider a faithfully flat etale coherent sheaf...
cross_road() was called from
chicken->CrossRoad() was called from
I sent my Chicken across the Road,
Some Letter of that Other-side to download:
And by and by my Chicken return'd to me,
And answer'd ``I Myself am Princess and Toad:''
MARKETING DIVISION OF MICROSOFT CORPORATION: Where does your chicken want to go today?
GOETHE: Es irrt das Huhn, solang es die Straße übergeht.
To cross, or not to cross, that is the question: -
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind, to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous side;
Or to take arms against a road of troubles,
And by crossing end them?
THERMODYNAMIST: Because the pressure of chickens was greater on this side of the road, and the chicken's crossing made the entropy greater.
DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.
OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.
DR SEUSS: Did the chick en cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.
BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.
Monday, September 14, 2009
life was bad life was sucks..but i need to get going. why should i try to please people when i'm not happy with it? nobody asks me too. i was screaming and shouting silently....just inside me. arriving in the work place, putting my chin up and started my day. it was okay. but hey.....nothing was easy. breaking a promise, hurting people is the least favourite thing to do. however, it's time to stops being an angel and try to please others. why should i feel bad for having the rights to say NO?
finally...the unspoken thoughts were delivered in just a simple sms. instead of having a date with someone i dont really want to meet, i called up the girls and had a blast! was a great girls time.
i guess my day was not pretty bad as it started earlier OR it finally be better. so, which one is true? having to start a day miserably is like a foreshadow that the whole day bad and you'll never be able to do things right..that's what i always thought. but then today i thinks it works differently. YEs Even The Bad Times Are Good!!! if the day doesnt start well, take a time out..chill out. try to cool down. perhaps it's not a bad day after all. find ways to amuse yourself. get some close friends to monkeying around. try to make the best out of the worst.
then before going to bed at night, you'll be able say to yourself..it was not a bad day after all!!!
Friday, September 11, 2009
Thursday, September 10, 2009
full - containing as much or as many as is possible or normal; "a full glass"; "a sky full of stars"; "a full life"; "the auditorium was full to overflowing"
it's only 2 straight days of what should i called not-so-tight days but i already feelin such Brimfull. yes i was brimming with legastative consencius, policy, act and bla bla. coping with it is ok. oh well, I'll get by it. that's what i always said to me whenever i'm having all sorts of negative melancholic view in life...
Wednesday, September 9, 2009
i've been in two meetings on "rights" two days in a row.one was a workshop on the amendement of Child Act 2001 and another 1 is SUHAKAM conference. i had a very deep interest during the workshop. suprisingly, i was not dozing off not even 1 minute. this morning was so-so. maybe because all that i could see was a group of people who's trying to make everything "rights". Child act is different. it's more like a protection act to protect children from misconduct done by mostly adults. only then i was informed that child act and child rights are not the same. however, i strongly into the discussion as a listener. that was my 1st participation so it's good to sit and observe the matters first. i do hope that i'll be more active in the future. hey, i managed to convince this 1 office from the welfare department to give a copy of Child Act 2001...for free of course. it's a good start. Isn't it? plus the UNICEF tag remind me of my dream. To be actively participating in UNICEF and doing good deeds to help the children in the world. Wow! sound impressive enough, a mother Theresa wannabe. mmm..perhaps i'm not as angelic as she was or as financially capable Lady D, the world icon in fighting human poverty...not even Angelina Jolie whos hobby is adopting all sorts colours of babies.
I am Bulan, a dreamer, a pleaser and a forgiver....
ok, lets talk about todays meeting. the suhakam 9th Human Rights Day. the conference was held in Renaissance Hotel. impressive enough plus all those refreshment provided...fasting anyway. there again i could recognise some NGOs and representative from GOs as well. the talks are daunting maybe because not many issues on education been adressed. So i spent 20 mins dozing. hahaha. BUlan is always a Bulan. the conference heated up with Q&A session. all those sensitive issues on religion was address. everyone wants to be "Right" without considering others, religiously, socially or geographically.
people are busy talking about what is right...what about what is wrong? when does a rights turn to be wrong? how do we evaluate "rights"? How do we determine "rights"? and the list goes on and on..
For me, Human rights mean having the rights on certain things without violating others' rights.