Thursday, December 31, 2009
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Chemical changes in the brain. Fluctuations of serotonin, a brain chemical (neurotransmitter) that is thought to play a crucial role in mood states, could trigger PMS symptoms. Insufficient amounts of serotonin may contribute to premenstrual depression, as well as to fatigue, food cravings and sleep problems.
in simple statement BLAME OUR HORMONE
to guys..do you understand? now take a hike!!! before we ate u alive with choc caramel as topping.
Probably the biggest
Taming PMS mood swings is a mix of putting an end to one of the symptoms that onlookers and others in the household perceive as the main complaint, while at the same time learning how to make the most of available means of dealing with a monthly recurrence.
- # take a break from LIFE..go and hide in the cave and of course bring tons of choc with you. choc bar, choc drink, choc ice (bring ur fridge wit u)..extra cheese pizza with choc brownies topping..make sure u have enough cash/debit card/credit card to pay the delivary boy. and the cave must be near food outlets and shops to buy junk foods when u r out of supply.
- #best to avoid the shopping mall AT ALL..you might end up buying hideous pink dress with green polkadot pairing with bright orange bootcut pants.
- #stop discussing issues with MEN..you will go against watever he said..even if he said that you forgot to take off your hair roller. you might feel that he's saying, "you are ugly"
- #a sad movie is a complete NO NO...you'll cry uncontrobly and relate every single scene in the movie with your story..even when the frog prince get married to another frog.
- #stay away from all sharp objects, tall buildings since you'll tempted to hurt urself with it....jump from the building. even worst if you'll stab someone for just not responding to ur SMS in less than 2 seconds or push someone from 4th floor apartment because you think he's calling u Fatso.
- #dont get angry (it's impossible anyway)..if you r angry stay away from the phone, text msg. write a snail mail instead..you might change ur mind anyway by the time u reach the post office and found out the Looong line of people.
- #have a blog..write down watever you feel and if you r still feeling the same way after the PMSing storm...you might decide that it's not PMS after all..
- #still about blogging..write a private entry and curse those you hate with all possible bad words you can think of.
- #dont use red colour...red letters for blog, red dress, red underware, red pen or even red lipstick.
- #eat watever you wanted to eat, wat you craved for all this long but afraid that it's going to ruin ur diet..you have the most valid excuse "I'm PMS-ing"
- #Sleep if you can..10 days straight during PMS and only wake up to eat the junk food and when needed to go to toilet. by the time you wake up..violaaaa the PMS is over!!!!
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
alice alice alice..that's me! someone who i could always relay on whenever i feel like hiding away from the reality. being an adult definitely not an option and going through it could be not so pleasant after all. yes, an adult suppose to be responsible for all action that has been done or goin to be done. we cant simply say..oops i've done it again and blame others..
being a dreamer doesnt mean that i 'm running away from the responsibilities. i could say it is an escapism. a temporary escape for me..yes life much more challenging down the rabbit hole but as people say "the grass always look greener on the other side of the fence" :(date to mark 4 March 2010..yes i'm goin down the rabbit hole with sweet Alice
Hassan was 4 years old, his brother Hussien was barely few months and i was the wednesday babysitter. someone they refered as a big sister. wednesday with them always amazing and so did other days. i practically spent most of my days at their place..feeling the warmth of "family". there would be phone calls if i had gone missing more than 3 days. being cared for is wonderful. living abroad was pleasant after all. dealing with homesick turned to be easier.
4 year old Hassan adored me..grew a crush on me. holding my hands and never wanted to let go when we were together. listening to my stories . flipping the pictorial books and pretend to read to me.
"Look...i could read and i will read for you".
Hassan was not a big fan of school anyway. i remembered his mom had to drag him to wash up and get ready for play school which he normally attended not more than 3 times a week and sometimes less or never at all.
having parents who were struggling to complete their second degree was not so appealing for a boy at his age. he was seeking for attention and constantly throwing tantrums. i was the closest adult to him, other than his parents. it's a relief for the couples who struggled days and nights, juggling family life with study. i dint mind at all. i'm more than happy to be one of the Kuno's clan. i rather spent my time with him than gossiping with my housemates. i knew that Hassan would be waiting for the wednesday play date eagerly. he was no much a chatter to others but it was different when he's with me. he would talk non-stop and honestly i couldnt undertand most of it. he still had that "baby talk" and often mumbled.
there were times when the parents were busy enough to drop him at his play school. and of course i was called to come over, to get him ready and walk him to school.
getting him into the shower was a challenge since he thought the water would always be icy cold. i had to trick him with stories and finally proved to him that the water was warm enough for a refreshing shower on a winter morning.
after putting layers of clothes....we headed to the school. it was a 15 minutes walk. Hassan was so excited to spend a nice walk with me.
we walked hand in hands. he gripped my left hand. swinging it 180 degrees from time to time. we stopped at the dairy on the way to Fourth Street Play School, Hassan always wanting to buy some lollies for me with a dollar coin his father normally gave to him. i let him chose. Gummy Bear was always his first choice. i took one. the one in green colour. muching it happily just like another 4 year old...what could be better on a sunny winter morning? some gummy bears to chew with a happy boy.
i smile everytime i remember his pink cheeks and adorable small almond shape eyes....held me the wee flower picked from his backyard..
" Kakak..for you.."
yes...i received my first flower from a man aged 4 :)
a year with Hassan was amazingly unforgetable. then i had to come home for good and it meant a GOOD BYE for us..Hassan and Me.
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
Friday, December 11, 2009
Best DesCribed Bad Hair DaY
Work was a bit tiring today. I was glued in front of the computer screen from morning till late evening. Yes, I left the office at 6.30…went to the car. Heated the engine and read the novel. Maybe it was 6.45 when I actually drove away from the parking space. Road was very clear today since it’s a public holiday in where I stay...so less cars on the road. I had a quite pleasant drive…but still hate driving anyway.
I stopped at the stall, buying some food since cooking is out of my mind at the moment. Just some Bakso from my fave stall and accidently found a cat near by. I meant a stuffed cat which was still nicely wrapped in plastic. It cost me only RM2...i was not planning to buy it at all but looking at the cat’s eyes...oooh, poor lil thing. It needs a home and I have plenty of space for it plus taking care of stuffed animal always been easy. I don’t have to feed them, they don’t make any noise, no frequent petting is required, they don’t dirty the house and the best part is if they smells…you just need to throw them in the washing machine with some detergent or softener for extra fluff to the fur.LOL
Neko being comfortable in its new house
Then, I decided to go to the nearest bookstore. Yes, I need a shopping therapy to ease not-so-good mood. Huh! I always like bookstores…touching the books on the shelves, smelling the eraser or sometimes just reading the poster. Hey, I checked out some stickers. As usual...I could never say NO to cute stickers. I believe “there’s a child in every adult…perhaps in my case, there’s more than 1”. hhahaha. I finally bought two cats stickerrs with cute love hearts, not knowing where to stick it. Oh well, I think of it later.
Again, I spent my time in my car which I purposely parked in front of my balcony (a launderette more likely) admiring my garden from far. Yes...the pink flowers bloom really well...the greens are greener...and the purple is purple-r...hahaha...the word doesn’t even exist. Wow...life is not what I expected it to be today. Yes...there’s a lil bit frustration but I’ll get by it…i have too
Again I gave a long sigh “life goes on” and stepped out from the car and climbed the stairs to my little "heaven".
Thursday, December 10, 2009
i know calling her wont change the situation but i just want to let her know that “I still care” about her and sorry for drifting apart especially in times like this. i could recall last time I talked to her was when I called my previous office somewhere in July for some official matters. I was looking for the administrative clerk but it turned that was her who answered my call. yes, my friend, Anne who answered the call. So we ended up chatting for quite some times. Everything sounds okay when I asked about her marriage. Perhaps she was trying to believe it was okay too.
I know her husband as a friend and as a colleague before. He seemed like a nice man and I know his family personally. I was like a daughter to the family. i was a part of them. i never missed any of their "food feast" even occasional lunches during the weekend.
Being raised by a divorced mother makes Anne always looking for a good father figure in her relationship leaving her heartbroken few times but she never gave up. I was there all along. I was there to listen to all her romantic stories and how I adore her guts while I chose to take a different path and stay single for most of the times. There were times when she dragged me to some blind dates and I agreed just to be polite. She was there to chaperone me, so did her then husband.
She was always the one who gave comments to whomever possible dates I should meet next by judging of course from their appearance. LOL many times she said that it’s important for me not to end up marrying ugly guy because she thought that he will ruin my distinct features. She called me “Arab girl” which had me laughed constantly since I am not an Arab descendent not directly maybe
I remembered when she hugged me tightly and cried when I was about to leave our then “HOME”. It was a sad moment for both of us but I just need to go and she knows that all along. She was the one who told me to do so. “IT”S NOT A PLACE FOR YOU, here…you need to go out there and be with all those weirdos”. I left all my teaching materials to her even my favourite old radio. the one with crooked hanger as an antenna. the one who kept me company in the corner of the room.
She was happily married at that time. I guess she achieved her dream while I chose to chase mine. it's time to go separately although it was not easy for me to be alone at a new place. soon, things became new routine to me. no more "i-cant-d0-it " but more like "I'll-be-okay" moment.
For the past 3 years I met her for less than 5 times when I was down south for few visits. She was happily occupied with a little girl who is named Marliya. Yes a beautiful Marliya with lovely eyes and curly black hair. I was happy for her and envied her for having a perfect life as a wife and a mother. I assume her life was complete in some ways. i was happy for her though. i mean that's the best thing i could do for her.
Then I heard less and less from her or perhaps I was too busy chasing my dreams till I heard about her divorced. i guessed she must have made lots of thinking before finally made the firm decission. accepting a proposal could be easy but getting a divorce is obviously not. not in a society where divorce is still a taboo..it's the last solution. but i rather think it's a new beginning of an ending.
to be continued
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
Monday, December 7, 2009
Does having a religion means that yo just do the Dos and Quit the DONTs? Well, that’s a part of it but there’s definitely more elaborate than that.
This is a story of sweet LiL Kimi from my point of view. Kimi was popular for her ability to speak Bahasa Indonesia after spending some times in the country, living as an expatriate family in a majority Islam community. She was fascinated with the beautiful religion and decided to convert to the religion once she’s back in OZ.
Reading her blog is really enjoyable…adoring her cute lil face and the pink Hello Kitty background. I dint register as her follower but I secretly reading her blog from now and then. She just has the right stroke in writing. Her thoughts were perfectly organized and trust me..she’s everyone sweetheart. She seemed to be so into her new “belief”, honestly her attire were even more modest compared to me. I viewed her as a strong young lady trying to be a good muslim in a kafir society. However, they were so supportive…providing a comfortable environment for her. Although I dint like her pet doggy that much..
It’s amazing reading her words of wisdom…how courageous she was. Talking about Islam, Quran, hadith…most of the entries were Islamic. She’s so well spoken. She had hundreds followers that gave her heartening comments. She’s a sister to most of them.
I always wanted to tell frends about how intriguing she was. Telling how Allah granted Nur to her …..to whoever being chosen. I called it a graceful NUR and she’s one of the lucky one. She was born again at the aged of 15 and was as clean as white linen sheet. How fortunate she was.
On the other hand I’m in different situation compared to her. Being born Muslim means that I inherit the religion. I grow with it. Live with it. It’s my life. There’s only one Allah to me. Glad that it never occurred to me to think that there’s other God.
I have to admit that there were times when I forgot to say Alhamdulillah when granted with blessings..but I never blamed Allah as well as fate whenever I was hit by thousands of problems…when I failed..when my heart was badly hurted..when things dint turn the way I wanted it to be..when my days were darker than anything…of course I broke down and cried but having my faith…always make me feel better later on even stronger than before. i just keep in my mind that There are things beyond our control and predestined by Allah. I guess Kimi has problem in believing in the concept. She has doubts not only on the existence of Allah but god generally.
Faith was taught in simple ways by my mother. “How do we know Allah exists?” “Look around you…trees, hills, river..AlIah makes all of them”. Living in a countryside make me aware with the nature more than children nowadays who’ve been surrounded my man-made buildings and modern machines. Perhaps they couldn’t relate the existence of the world with the existence of Allah that much.
Apart from that I was reminded since I was a lil child that we cannot say bad thing about Allah and prophet Muhammad..let alone blame them. Why? Because Allah will get angry and we’ll be doom in Hell. At that time I always pictured Hell as a big pot of fire with hot bubble and smokes coming out from it..more like spicy curry prepared by my mom..but with extra chili and extremely hot so that it could melt your tongue in less than 2 seconds. So I rather not make Allahangry because it surely hot in the pot.
I was Growing up with that belief and it just stuck in my mind forever until now. It’s a simple way to explain to a small child and the best part is to stop them from asking lots of questions since there are lots of unexplained matters when religion is concerned unless you're a well-educate islamic scholar.
Okay..back to sweet lil kimi’s story. So there she was, an idol to most of new converts or even us the born Muslims. The last time I read her blog was just less than a month ago. She’s happily announcing her engagement and plan for a perfect muslim’s wedding. She even started to create her new blog on losing weight. I guess she wanted to look amazing on her wedding day. I mean, who doesn’t.
I always wanted to leave some comments on her blog but I never did. Until last week I feel like reading her blog again after taking a long break from doing so. To my surprise…KIMI LEFT ISLAM…yes the sweet Hello Kitty’s fan choose to stop believe in ALLAH..she even said that she doesn’t need god anymore.
But why o why? I mean..of all people….why kimi? Then again, I was told as a small girl not to question Allah’s deeds. Kimi’s sad story makes my faith even stronger. Again…Allah has the power to give Nur to whoever he decides and to take it back whenever he wants to…in just a blink of eyes.
Oh kimi, stop relate the existence of human being with evolution theories…and all those gravity craps..she never been forced to convert and i believe that nobody forced her to leave the religion either. it's all her free choice. some of us are really unhappy with her decission. maybe because we love her so much and could feel the lost. yes..losing the sweet girl who seemed to be fully aware with her new life as a muslim. i never hated her though.
kimi's story does leave us with a great mark. making our faith stronger. i couldnt agree more with this one blogger who mentioned that kimi does make some changes in ways we are looking at our religion. there's no point cracking our mind with all those questions on her reason to leave Islam but let's just think what could we learn from her story.
this is some of the things that i've learnt...She’s almost succeed in believing the 6 pillars of Iman. She seemed to pass all except the last one. Believing in Qada' and Qadar ..To believe in Divine Preordainment . I guess this is the hardest part. After trying all her best to be faithful to her new belief…she was tested..then she had a doubt on the religion..started to questions things. I don’t know to whom she discussed her doubts but she doesn’t seem to be satisfied with the explanations. Finally she calls it quit…leaving something that was once her biggest interest.
To kimi…I pray that you’ll see the Nur again and this time you’ll see it not only with your eyes but with your heart. How could you expect to understand all about the religion when it was barely 2 years for you to be a muslim. It’s possible for others not to complete the “study” till the end of their life. We just need to learn constantly and try our best inkeeping the faith. In good and bad times….
it's all come to an end for Kimi as a muslim but i still read her blog. she always been an interesting writer..it just that her recent blog is more on her anger with lots of ugly "F" words. perhaps it's true that having a good faith helps us a lot in controling our emotions especially the negative ones...i believe that. to control doesnt mean to repress the emotions but to manage it wisely :)
to Kimi all the best in not so pleasant world of crapsssss...which be better with lil good faith...Yes we gotta have faith.
Friday, December 4, 2009
I pray the days come easy and the moments pass slow
and each road leads me where i want to go,
if I'm faced with a choice, and i have to choose,
I hope i choose the one that means the most to me.
if one door opens to another door closed,
I pray i keep on walkin' 'til i find the window,
if it's cold outside,show the world the warmth of my smile :)
but more than anything, more than anything
My prayer, is that this life...
becomes all that i want it to,
my dreams stay BIG,
my worries stay small,
i never need to carry more than i can haul,
while i'm out there getting where i'm getting to,
I pray i know somebody loves me,
and wants the same things too
I pray i never look back,
but i never forget,
all the ones who love me, in the place i left,
I hope i always forgive, and i never regret
i help somebody every chance i get
Oh, i find Allah's grace, in every mistake
always give more then i take.
But more than anything
I PraY to always say ALHAMDULILLAH for all the BLessinG
Thursday, December 3, 2009
Feeling slightly light headed yesterday with a slight attack of gastric due to unnecessary anxiety. which should be under controled...but hey..life never been a piece of cake to most people. but one thing for sure, Life goes on. Run if you can, walking is ok...or crawl if you must...you just need to go on..doesnt matter how..
Honestly I was in blue and unsatisfied with my job. Then, Ms Ym from the faculty called me asking about my study status. Apparently my supervisor, Prof N was there. I was told to see her a.s.a.p. gulp! Should I go on or quit? Or just postpone it for another 10 years perhaps?
Recently, I had a conversation with a friend about my previous plan in sort of “once-upon-a-time” story. Then he said to me, “It doesn’t mean your current life will be your last”. He’s right. I, by no means have no control over my destiny but it wouldn’t be any harm if I review my old plan and think about it again. By the way, that’s what I like to do best in my life. Yes...teaching. One day...it’s not impossible for me to go back to my old times. Teaching to a bunch of students who are eager to listen to me...discussing psycholinguistic theories with teachers-wannabes. Guiding them in exams…helping them to score good marks.
Satisfaction is important in life. I could be stucked in a secure job but unhappy or not so secure job but happy. Tough...it’s like having a secure unhappy relationship or insecure happy relationship. PARADOX in meaning but do happen in reality….knowing myself. I always choose to be happy. Of course I want to be rich...but I want to be a smiley face kindda rich…so having a place to stay…decent food to eat (cant say nutritious since I do eat junk food a lot...hahaha) a car to move around...lil extra cash for things..Be enough. Who cares if others r driving HONDA…I’ll be happy if I’m riding on a camel as long as there’s a “driver”…huh...i never like that engined animal a.k.a car anyway.
Now...what I’m thinking is...how do I turn back to plan A, after moving along with PLAN B? The problem is I might be facing some legal action. Some of it is quite ridiculous…so when penalty fees are concerned. I rather not talk too much. Perhaps before taking any step. I should consult a legal advise from the expertise not from friends who mostly will talk about commonsense...believe me. Been through all those and discovered that it could be nonsense after all. I rather not loose my senses anymore which could result me being unpaid for almost a year….sigh!!!
To be or not to be...The road not taken again…two roads diverged in a yellow wood…blabla…blabla
the point is, i need to Plant my own Happy Seeds. those seeds might not grow all but i'm having no doubt that some will :)