Life is Not aLL aBouT WinninG

why am i saying this? honestly because i think i never won in anything. never been good in competition. never got full marks. never got the 1st place. so..since i never won, does it meant i never lost as well? to not compete means that i neither win nor loose. is it a good thing? well, it depends. some people perform better in a "competition" while others are not. it's like having a pressure to win..for me, i work better with less pressure. takes things easy...saying "i'll get there soon". do i need others to set a goal for me. NOPE! i might not be 100% reliable in setting goals but hey, it's my life, i do get to choose my way..of course with god's will but none other than that.

being to be born with a not-so-competitive nature has pros and cons, especially when surrounded by all those wannabes in dogs eat dogs world. oh well, there's a possibility that i'll be eaten. have to make sure that although i'm not winning..i'll not be eaten..alive!

so this morning when Bintang told me i'm a winner..i kindda jabbed about it thinking that he's always a Jabber who never let me win even in a Snake and Ladder game. huh! Bulan..always win..am I? everytime i lose i'll hope that i'll lose wisely :P

ironically i dont view myself as a winner, not even as a player. but one thing for sure i always try my best..yes MY BEST which could be others' worst..since i'm not competing with others, i'm pretty happy with that.

it's just like pleasing people. if you feel oblige to please people, well..stop doing it. Pleasing others should make you feel pleased too. making people happy should make you happy too. those basic principles work on me. come to think of it, dont you feel pleased seeing them happy? hearing those laughters? looking at their smiles? or even knowing that they are smiling when reading your SMS? i'm strongly against winning people's heart..i rather say..pleasing people's mind

so what if they dont make you happy as you did to them? love is to be given ...not to expect any returns... dont worry if you'll make a person happy and it turn me that he/she makes you the other way around...believe me. there will be others who'll pleased you. So go on..make others happy..make the world smiles with you. go and make suprises!

yes..i love suprises..as much as giving them too...i love the thrill of it..planning and hidding it....till it's time to say SUPRISE!!!!! just imagine those lovely excited eyes...big smiles...adrenalin rush..perhaps i should put my ears on the person chest and hear the heartbeat....just to justify if it beating faster or just at normal rate..

only then i could say "I won!" yes winning those precious smiles, glaring eyes..or if you are lucky enough..you'll get some hugs and kisses as well...dint mean in lusty kindda way..ahhahahaha

ok..Bulan might be winning but she refuses to be awarded with trophy.

"Life is not all about winning...it's about gainning (unlikely about gainning weight..i hope!)"

to be a winner takes a lot of effort..guess im settling down with being a wise loser...what's the point of winning if you are unaware with the purpose of doing things...to be no 1 doesnt mean that you are the best..

go on trying...it's the process of getiing to something is the most important..no matter if you win or lose.

SoMe-Where I BeLoNG?

where do we belong? how do you respond to such question? is it necessary to say that you belong in the place you are born or the place are you residing now? Should we refer it to a "Home" or could it be our workplace, college or an island or even a mall?

for me, i belong where i'm now. so whenever i'm at a place for a long time that particular place should be called "HOME". i think that's the best thing to do although we might be in a place without our willingness and we have no choice. like it or not. i was in such situation for several times. of course i was feeling rather "homesick" but then where is my "home". when i was 17 and was in College..perhaps i could say my parents' are "HOME". then i was flatting with friends by the age of 18. was i refering to the dorm as home whenever i was feeling "homesick"? it doesnt seem right. then i was abroad by the age 20. was homeland as my home, when i was refering to homesick once again? that sound rather broad!td then back "home"..still was feeling homesick..should i say adopted home-sick? was 23 when i started to work in a state deep down south. homesick again. was 28 when i left the job, pack my things, left my comfortable 3 rooms house to share small lil room with a student. again..homesick. 29 yrs young..flatting..not so homesick..31 yrs moved few doors away..this is wat i refer as home now...

i guess..i'm blessed with the ability to adapt myself to a new situation whenever i needed too. being an insignificant introvert doesnt mean that im unable to fit myself in a new community. i think i could even survive in south africa or even siberia. siberia..wow freezing cold..i'll get by it. Big Apple? checked! Tokyo? checked! Casablanca? checked..hehehe the name of casablanca really intriguing. what about Timbuktoo? checked! hehehe not even sure whether i got the name right.

without further ado. i proudly announcing that me "BuLan" capable of adapting myself in any situation..although i might take some time..i believe that we need to make the best out of it..then it be to fun to leave the "was-not-so-interesting" place. experienced it few times. my advice..treat the place you are now as HOME...live like you'll never left.

HideAway

holiday is here and suprisingly i'm not happy about it. the only thing that i looked foward is going back to a place where should be far from hustle busle of city life. since it's festive season. i could not expect my lil hiding place be peaceful. luckily i'm goin to a place which i think be peaceful enough. what's wrong with me? am i socially sceptical? honestly the thoughts of crowded places..traffic jam..people talking loudly already give me a restless feeling.
i know i cant isolate myself. i dont even want to.
2 days are enough for me since everybody are quite busy going here and there. nobody really realise if i exist or not. just my close family and friends. family be at my place on 1st raya. 2nd raya be a gathering with my primary schoolmates. other than that? be at home waiting for the guess. making drinks, cleaning etc.
i'm looking foward to meet my family. that's all. to hang out with them...but i'm sure they'll be busy. perhaps i take some days off next time. just to be with them.
suprisingly, now i'm browsing through websites to beautiful islands. well just in SEA. cant afford to travel far. a place where i'm going to make an official hiding place for me. a place where i can go to whenever i'm feeling like hiding away from people, things...but then, i need to find a safe place for a lady traveller like me since i know there will be times i need to be alone.

ReUnion DiLeMma...BRing & TeLL SessioN

this is the event of the year. yes, every year i have this excited + dork feeling. gosh reunion again! its not about what to wear but it's more like .....answering the same question. "HEy, how many children do you have?" I'm single....oooo sorry. what do they feel sorry for? huh..for me being single or for them to ask such typical question.
it's like a "bring and tell" session. everyone will be waiting to hear and see what you are bringing..

LIL Miss PinKY

wow..i've been wearing pink to work 3 days straight and tomorrow will be another pink. yes, i already ironed my pink batik....sick lil pinky

wHY did tHe cHiCkEN croSS the ROAd?

KINDERGARTEN TEACHER: To get to the other side.

PLATO: For the greater good.

ARISTOTLE: It is the nature of chickens to cross roads.

KARL MARX: It was a historical inevitability.

SADDAM HUSSEIN: This was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it.

RONALD REAGAN: I forget.

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a change! The chicken wanted change!

CAPTAIN JAMES T. KIRK: To boldly go where no chicken has gone before.

HIPPOCRATES: Because of an excess of phlegm in its pancreas.

Caesar:
To come, to see, to conquer.

ANDERSEN CONSULTING: Deregulation of the chicken's side of the road was threatening its dominant market position. The chicken was faced with significant challenges to create and develop the competencies required for the newly competitive market. Andersen Consulting ,in a partnering relationship with the client, helped the chicken by rethinking its physical distribution strategy and implementation processes. Using the Poultry Integration Model (PIM), Andersen helped the chicken use its skills, methodologies, knowledge, capital and experiences to align the chicken's people, processes and technology in support of its overall strategy within a Program Management framework. Andersen Consulting convened a diverse cross-spectrum of road analysts and best chickens along with Anderson consultants with deep skills in the transportation industry to engage in a two-day itinerary of meetings in order to leverage their personal knowledge capital, both tacit and explicit, and to enable them to synergize with each other in order to achieve the implicit goals of delivering and successfully architecting and implementing an enterprise-wide value framework across the continuum of poultry cross-median processes. The meeting was held in a park-like setting enabling and creating an impactful environment which was strategically based, industry-focused, and built upon a consistent, clear, and unified market message and aligned with the chicken's mission, vision, and core values. This was conducive towards the creation of a total business integration solution. Andersen Consulting helped the chicken change to become more successful.

LOUIS FARRAKHAN: The road, you see, represents the black man. The chicken `crossed' the black man in order to trample him and keep him down.

MARTIN LUTHER KING, JR.: I envision a world where all chickens will be free to cross roads without having their motives called into question.

FOX MULDER: You saw it cross the road with your own eyes. How many more chickens have to cross the road before you believe it?

RICHARD M. NIXON: The chicken did not cross the road. I repeat, the chicken did NOT cross the road.

JERRY SEINFELD: Why does anyone cross a road? I mean, why doesn't anyone ever think to ask, What the heck was this chicken doing walking around all over the place, anyway?

FREUD: The fact that you are at all concerned that the chicken crossed the road reveals your underlying sexual insecurity.

BILL GATES: Our soon-to-be-released Chicken '98 will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook.

DARWIN: Chickens, over great periods of time, have been naturally selected in such a way that they are now genetically disposed to cross roads.

EINSTEIN: Whether the chicken crossed the road or the road moved beneath the chicken depends upon your frame of reference.

BUDDHA: Asking this question denies your own chicken nature.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY: To die. In the rain.

Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.

Robert Frost:
To cross the road less traveled by.

Mr. T:
If you saw me coming, you'd cross the road too!

MICHAEL SCHUMACHER: It was an instinctive maneuver, the chicken obviously didn't see the road until he had already started to cross.

COLONEL SANDERS (Famed for Kentucky Fried Chicken): I missed one?

PHYSICIST: Because the chicken's momentum had a positive component towards the other side of the road.

QUANTUM PHYSICIST: Because you measured its momentum too precisely.

MATHEMATICIAN: Because of the intermediate values theorem.

ALGEBRAIC GEOMETRIST: Well, consider a faithfully flat etale coherent sheaf...

C PROGRAMMER: cross_road() was called from get_other_side()

C++ PROGRAMMER: chicken->CrossRoad() was called from chicken->GetOtherSide()

OMAR KHAYYÁM:
I sent my Chicken across the Road,
Some Letter of that Other-side to download:
And by and by my Chicken return'd to me,
And answer'd ``I Myself am Princess and Toad:''

MARKETING DIVISION OF MICROSOFT CORPORATION: Where does your chicken want to go today?

GOETHE: Es irrt das Huhn, solang es die Straße übergeht.

HAMLET:
To cross, or not to cross, that is the question: -
Whether 'tis nobler in the mind, to suffer
The slings and arrows of outrageous side;
Or to take arms against a road of troubles,
And by crossing end them?

THERMODYNAMIST: Because the pressure of chickens was greater on this side of the road, and the chicken's crossing made the entropy greater.

DR. PHIL: The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on this side of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

DR SEUSS: Did the chick en cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BILL GATES: I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash.

Even The Bad Times Are Good

BULAN IS STILL SOBER AFTER LOTS OF DRINKS!!!

i rose lazily from my bed. having this dodgy feeling. yes, blame the monday blues. no, it was not a monday blues for me. it's more like I HATE EVERYBODY, I HATE MYSELF kindda day. 2 mins shower was enough. looking at my reflection in the mirror and thinking why the....i was doing this and that. dragging myself to apply thick eyeliner to cover up swollen eyes. putting lil bit blusher to my pale cheeks. there i was, throwing the blanket, towel, nighties all over the floor. finally run down the stairs and got in the car.

life was bad life was sucks..but i need to get going. why should i try to please people when i'm not happy with it? nobody asks me too. i was screaming and shouting silently....just inside me. arriving in the work place, putting my chin up and started my day. it was okay. but hey.....nothing was easy. breaking a promise, hurting people is the least favourite thing to do. however, it's time to stops being an angel and try to please others. why should i feel bad for having the rights to say NO?

finally...the unspoken thoughts were delivered in just a simple sms. instead of having a date with someone i dont really want to meet, i called up the girls and had a blast! was a great girls time.

i guess my day was not pretty bad as it started earlier OR it finally be better. so, which one is true? having to start a day miserably is like a foreshadow that the whole day bad and you'll never be able to do things right..that's what i always thought. but then today i thinks it works differently. YEs Even The Bad Times Are Good!!! if the day doesnt start well, take a time out..chill out. try to cool down. perhaps it's not a bad day after all. find ways to amuse yourself. get some close friends to monkeying around. try to make the best out of the worst.

then before going to bed at night, you'll be able say to yourself..it was not a bad day after all!!!