Thursday, December 10, 2009

I'm SoRrY FoR NoT BeinG There-Part 1

Last weekend I was surprised with a news of my close friend's split. I tried to redial her number hundreds times and it was left unanswered all the time. After failing to contact her through that number, I finally gave up and assumed that she changed her number. It just came to my mind yesterday to text another friend who is also once in our circle of friend, perhaps she has her new number and i was right. she does has another number.

i know calling her wont change the situation but i just want to let her know that “I still care” about her and sorry for drifting apart especially in times like this. i could recall last time I talked to her was when I called my previous office somewhere in July for some official matters. I was looking for the administrative clerk but it turned that was her who answered my call. yes, my friend, Anne who answered the call. So we ended up chatting for quite some times. Everything sounds okay when I asked about her marriage. Perhaps she was trying to believe it was okay too.

I know her husband as a friend and as a colleague before. He seemed like a nice man and I know his family personally. I was like a daughter to the family. i was a part of them. i never missed any of their "food feast" even occasional lunches during the weekend.

Being raised by a divorced mother makes Anne always looking for a good father figure in her relationship leaving her heartbroken few times but she never gave up. I was there all along. I was there to listen to all her romantic stories and how I adore her guts while I chose to take a different path and stay single for most of the times. There were times when she dragged me to some blind dates and I agreed just to be polite. She was there to chaperone me, so did her then husband.

She was always the one who gave comments to whomever possible dates I should meet next by judging of course from their appearance. LOL many times she said that it’s important for me not to end up marrying ugly guy because she thought that he will ruin my distinct features. She called me “Arab girl” which had me laughed constantly since I am not an Arab descendent not directly maybe
I remembered when she hugged me tightly and cried when I was about to leave our then “HOME”. It was a sad moment for both of us but I just need to go and she knows that all along. She was the one who told me to do so. “IT”S NOT A PLACE FOR YOU, here…you need to go out there and be with all those weirdos”. I left all my teaching materials to her even my favourite old radio. the one with crooked hanger as an antenna. the one who kept me company in the corner of the room.

She was happily married at that time. I guess she achieved her dream while I chose to chase mine. it's time to go separately although it was not easy for me to be alone at a new place. soon, things became new routine to me. no more "i-cant-d0-it " but more like "I'll-be-okay" moment.

For the past 3 years I met her for less than 5 times when I was down south for few visits. She was happily occupied with a little girl who is named Marliya. Yes a beautiful Marliya with lovely eyes and curly black hair. I was happy for her and envied her for having a perfect life as a wife and a mother. I assume her life was complete in some ways. i was happy for her though. i mean that's the best thing i could do for her.

Then I heard less and less from her or perhaps I was too busy chasing my dreams till I heard about her divorced. i guessed she must have made lots of thinking before finally made the firm decission. accepting a proposal could be easy but getting a divorce is obviously not. not in a society where divorce is still a's the last solution. but i rather think it's a new beginning of an ending.

to be continued

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